Sometimes

You just want to drink a bucket of drain cleaner......

Or douse yourself in gasoline and light yourself on fire.....

Or you know, some other euphimism for suicide.....

Sorry, just not a happy camper right now....carry on......

Holy Crap

Wow.

I posted a total of once last month.
I told you guys I was an underacheiver.

It's pathetic that I haven't posted more often, especially considering that I haven't been especially busy at work.
Again, look at the title of this joint, are you surprised that nothings happening with it???? Didn't think so.
The sad part is, I've actually done stuff in the last month. I went to Chicago (maybe I'll put a couple of those pictures up soon) went home for Thanksgiving, and I'm going to a Browns game this weekend (sobriety what?)

On the negative, I have to attend a company Christmas party tomorrow night for the girlfriend, which is essentially 5 hours of waiting to be the DD, sitting around not knowing anyone, and being bored out of my simple, simple mind.

I'll try to post more frequently, now that my semester is winding down, and I've decided I hate the world even more, I should have plenty to talk about.

In light of that, I happened to be reading a story online today about how the Pope is talking about abolishing the concept of limbo. What? Can he do that? I thought that the word of the Lord was intended to be taken seriously. Apparently, when it comes to evolution vs. creation, there's no flexibility, but limbo, well hey, people aren't a fan of it? I guess we can work with it. It's like that South Park where Stan almost gets convinced to write a new book of Scientology, which is all made up, of course.

Of course, they're calling it "describing the fate of innocents in a different way" Are they suddenly going to send them all to Heaven? Someone should let them in on that. That's totally like upgrading to first class from coach.

And why do I care, being that I'm not religious. I don't know. I just thought it was funny.

Also, I've come to realize that I share Sarah's obseession with Grey's Anatomy. I also share other Sarah's obsession with Sudoku. It's kinda like crack

But I still think Lost sucks.

Cold, So Cold

I know. I neglect you.

I ignore you.

I claim to be too busy.

Your cries for help go unnoticed.

I apologize, interenet, for spending such a little amount of time with you.
The truth is, I haven't had much to say to you lately. Do you really want to hear me tell stories about how I and some of the other guys dressed up like the Channel 4 News Team for Halloween, and I walked around saying and doing mildly retarded things all night? (Biting through the Reese's cup with the foil still on it, wasn't so much dumb as it was foul.) Tin foil, not so yummy. Write that down.

Other notes: People who talk on their cell phones while in a public bathroom. STOP. Really, if you drop it in the urinal, you deserve it. One, taking a cell phone anywhere near where it could drop into water, especially when you will need to utilize your hands for something other than talking on the phone is just asking for it. Two, nobody wants to hear about your plans for your night out with the inlaws while they're in there. Third, aren't you basically flagging something you hold up next to your mouth on a daily basis? Christ, that's disgusting.

Also, I've finally started my count down to my trip to Chicago next week. Drinking and luxury will surely abound. We're staying at the Amalfi Hotel, (really, click on the link) which after looking at it, doesnt' even feel right. I have no business staying in a place this nice, as I am, truly, white trash. you know, classy. We still haven't figured out everything that we're doing out there yet, so if anyone has any suggestions of places to go out there, I'm listening, especially if you're paying. Regardless, it's going to be the end of November in Chicago. This may be the coldest I am all year. And I'm totally okay with that.

If you find me in a full tub with a toaster: PLUG IT IN!

Really, a White Sox/Astros World Series? F me with a broken off broom handle.

It's bad enough to be a Cardinals fan and have to suffer last years 4 game uber-embarrassment.
But this? The Astros? You've got to be kidding me.

By the way, that play in the 5th where Everrett obviously missed the tag on Molina? Awful. Not even close. A couple of thoughts on that play.

1) The fat, blind, obviously mentally impaired umpire was out of position to see that play. Why he was inside the diamond, with his back to where the throw was coming from, is beyond me. He has no business there. From that angle he can't 1) See a player coming across the back of the bag. 2) See any tag being made on a runner, who is going to almost always slide to the inside and block his view.
and 3) Get anywhere near making a call that doesn't F the Cards right in the collective balloon-knot and ruin any momentum that they had started to build.

To make matters worse, I had to have a conversation with my father about this play on the phone not long after it happened

Me: Did you see that bulls*** call? That was absolutely effing terrible

Dad: I don't want to hear about it.

Me: But did you watch it??? Awful, that's why they need to have instant replay. That was ridiculous.

My Trapped in the 50s father: These damn games take too long already, that would make it worse. Whatever the umpire says the call is, that's the call.

Me: Good to know that your bedtime is more important than getting right effing call, you're a real godforsaken purist.

My increasingly irritated father: Remember, I don't want to talk about this. Goodbye.

That's the kind of mood I was in last night. Seriously, after thinking that they were back in it, I get kicked in the junk again by a team that barely made the playoffs.

At least I don't have to waste time watching the World Series this year.

Rocky Effing 6?

I just saw this on Yahoo!

I don't know whether to laugh, or cry, or just hate Hollywood for not being able to do anything orignal. Ever.

Rocky 6? I didn't know they had wheelchair boxing.

Annual Heart Attack

I handled last night's 4-1 loss to Houston a lot better than I thought I would have.

And by a lot better I mean I didn't flip over my coffee table, kick my couch, and fire a plastic cup all the way from my living room through my dining room to my kitchen.

Then again, the thought of going back to Houston, tied at 1-1, with the Anti-Christ (Roger Clemens) pitching for them, makes me iron my shirt while I'm still wearing it.

Speaking of baseball, don't even get me started on that BS call from game 2 of the ALCS. The ball was caught, the home plate umpire called him out, and then didn't stand by his call. Even worse, none of the field umpires said a word, instead being content to sit on their fat asses, close their eyes, and let it go. Yes, I know Crede still had to get the hit to drive in the run, but if that play is called correctly, it's a moot point.

In other news, I picked up the new O.A.R. CD (big surprise, I know). But here's the thing. I don't like it that much. It's too reggae, too slow, and too......adult. The songs have meanings, and are thoughtful. I don't like it.

What? I know, I'm 26, something being grown up sounding shouldn't bother me. But in college they were our party, drinking, have fun with your friends band, and I think that once a band takes on that role, they have to stick with it, otherwise, it just goes badly for them. The really disgusting part was looking for it online and finding it under "Adult Alternative" on Best Buy's website.

Also, apparently I can't drink during the week anymore. I feel like balls today. Even a Propel and a ton of water this morning didn't help. Weak.

Okay, so it was a really lame comeback

Thanks Sarah, nice comment on the last post.....

I apologize for the sparseness of my updating over the past few weeks. Between work, school, and the like, I haven't had much in the way of energy for posting lately.
However, last Friday, after the threat of physical violence if I didn't update (Thanks Sarah and Sharda!), I realized that I need to at least attempt to get back on the ball.......

Over the weekend we celebrated birthdays (got drunk), celebrated a flag football win (got drunk) and Megan and I went to the Weezer/Foo Fighters concert (Surprise! Drunk again)

The concert itself was spectacular. We had seats in the first row of our section, just off of the floor, which was nice for two reasons.

1) I'm too damn old to be on the floor of a rock show.
2) Walking from the floor to the beer stand? Way too far.

Weezer itself was especially amazing. For those of you that say Weezer was cool for like 5 minutes in high school and is now only listened to by a bunch of dorks: You're absolutely right. Blow me.

There were several highlights:

- Rivers Cuomo is notorious for not saying a damn thing during the bands concerts. He's pretty damn shy guy, that or he just doesn't like people. Anyways, at one point mid set, he talked for a couple of minutes, basically to say that since Foo Fighters weren't going to play "Big Me" that night, that they were going to do it. But that was damn near all the talking he did.....

-Rivers switching spots with drummer Pat Wilson to do the last song of the main set, Photograph, which they then ran into a cover of Song 2 by Blur. It was pretty sweet.

- The solo acoustic version of Island in the Sun during the encore.

However, of course, there were lowlights:

- They stopped selling beer like 4 songs into the Foo Fighters set. Are you kidding me? It's a concert, let me drink!

- Weezer only played 2 songs off of Pinkerton. And I'm officially a total dork.

- The 40+ year old woman who was wandering around in a sheer shirt with no bra. Lady, you're at a Weezer concert, and you're like my mom's age. Put the feeders away. Really.

Oh yeah, Foo Fighters were pretty damn good as well.

Also, I've moved into official baseball playoff stress mode, starting with the upcoming game Wednesday for the Cards against Houston. 7 Games last year almost gave me a heart attack, I hope they can dispose of Houston more quickly this year.

Don't Call it A Comeback

All LL references aside, I haven't been intentionally neglecting my blog.

Sadly, I've gotten really busy at work over these past few weeks.

And by busy, I mean that my work area is within a direct line of sight of a superior's office. Which tends to limit my blogging and/or internet surfing. Trust me, internets, I aplogize for this transgression against slacking. We all know it's not what I intended.

So, what have I been up to? You mean other than staking out and plotting the severe beating of my dry cleaners?

Ouch, well, here's the sad part. Not much.

Somehow, my employer has managed to find ways to keep me pretty busy with work, which is fine for now, until I get truly overwhelmed. And by overwhelmed, I mean having to fix mistakes made by people with slightly lower IQ's than my toaster.

Accomplished in the last 2 weeks:

1) Went to the Browns home opener, which was fun, except for the losing part, and the sunburn part. This day also kinda sorta lost some semblance of control when Bob and I were walking from one end of the parking lot back towards our cars at about Noon time, when we saw an RV with a sign on the side that sad "Come do a Shot for Martha's Birthday"

Surprisingly, we totally fell for it. We figured, hey, middle of a Sunday morning, middle aged people, what's the worst that can happen.

A shot of Wild Turkey apiece later, we realized what could go wrong. Needless to say, I spent most of the first half being beligirant. But I didn't get arrested, which is a bonus.

2) I have some how ended up training some of the newer people in my department. Being that I have been in this department for all of 3 weeks, I can't say that this was a good call by the powers that be. It's more the equivalent of asking a guy with one leg to run the first leg of a relay race. It'll get done, but all I'm doing is leaving everyone really far behind.

3) Realized that I must be in some semblance of a relationship. Megan and I have been dating for a couple of months now, so that was inevitable, but I realized it when I got in my shower Sunday morning and saw a razor that I didn't recognize. It was blue, and had all kinds of little curves and grippy things on it. (it had a razor blade on it, otherwise I might have thought it was something else) Needless to say, that woke me up a bit. Her leaving a toothbrush there I had adjusted to, that's just practical, but the razor? Whatever. I'll live with it, but if a box of feminine hygiene products shows up in my linen closet anytime soon, I may have to draw the line.

One More Thing That's Wrong With Most People

Let me start this post by stating one very simple, obvious thing. I'm lazy. Like really lazy. And I wouldn't ever be accused as someone who "enjoys working". When the clock hits 5:59 here in my office, I'm locking up my desk and shutting down my computer and doing the Office Space style "watching it save my files at the speed of a fat man in the last half of a marathon, praying that no-one throws anything on my desk"

However, that also has something to do with the fact that I work in an office, not in a service industry. I can get away with shutting it down right at closing time.

Is this going anywhere? Maybe.

Bottom line. My dry cleaner pissed me off the other night.

Now, this is nothing new, as the dry cleaner, (all dry cleaners) annoy me. The concept of dry cleaning is annoying to me anyways, as I don't like having to pay for a process I don't understand, which 30-40% of the time results in my clothing coming back different than when I dropped it off. Losing buttons, shrinkage, etc? This shouldn't happen, but it does happen at more than a couple of the drycleaners I have tried.
You don't go to a car wash and come out with out a tire, do you? So how does the dry cleaner manage these things?

Back to my original point. I walk into the dry cleaner at 8:50 the other night. They close at 9. That means, customers can't go in there after 9 and drop off and pick up. At least that's what it means in my world. I would think that this is what it means to EVERY RATIONAL ADULT IN THE FREE WORLD.
However, to the middle-aged, GED acheiving wretch behind the counter, it apparently meant that she was walking out the door as soon as that clock ticked to 9pm, regardless of whether or not there was still things to do. I don't think she got it.
I say this because she said to me, and I quote "Could you bring your stuff in a little earlier if you're going to be dropping it off from now on? We close in a few minutes"

I wanted to light this girl on fire. Really? No kidding you close in a few minutes, why do you think I showed up now? This is besides the fact that I dropped of 3 shirts and 1 pair of pants.
Not like I just showed up with my whole friggin wardrobe, is it?
I honestly thought about just strangling her with the pants, but then I probably would have stained them, and they would have charged me more.

Weekend Viewing Schedule

I know it's a little late on Friday for something like this, but it occurred to me about 4.3 seconds ago that my friends and I always joke that TV cameras should follow us around, because we are without a doubt some of the most entertaining people we know. And hell, I'd watch us. But we' have to be on HBO or something, or the censors would kick us off after the first forty seconds of the first episode.

I only bring this up because this weekend is going to be some combination of tension and humor, to say the least. Here's how it shapes up.

Friday 6pm- Race for the Cup (Sports) Watch me drive home as fast as humanly possible without getting pulled over, all in the quest to get a much needed cocktail.

Saturday 12 Noon- Road Trip/Meet the Parents (Comedy) Megan and I driving back to PA for a wedding for one of her friends brothers (I think). Surprise! It's in her hometown. Fortunately I only have to meet her mother on this trip, and it's only for lunch. Allegedly low stress. However, between driving two hours to a place called Beaver, PA, and not having ever been on a road trip with her, I'm bound to say something stupid. It's what I do.

Saturday 6pm The Waiting Game (Reality) The wedding reception. I'm imagining that the ceremony won't be a big deal, because that's a quiet time. However, I'm not going to know a soul at the reception, and knowing that Megan hasn't seen her friends from home in weeks, I don't expect her to be there for me to talk to the whole time. That leaves me with her friends boyfriends, whom I'm going to have to pretend I have some interest in listening to them talk about the Steelers for oh, about 2 and a half hours until they get drunk enough to start chanting "Brownsssss Shuuuck" (extra letters added for drunken Pittsburghian slurring) and probably spitting Rolling Rock on me in the process. This will probably happen to the point where I will want to douse them in Jack, and light them on fire.

However, failing that, I will probably just try to swallow a lit candle, and chase it with a steak knife.

(To Megan's credit, she has endured all of my friends, and our inside/offensive jokes, and I intend on being as polite and normal as possible.)

Sunday 4PM Survivor (Reality) Bob and Carrie are having a Labor Day bonanza, featuring liquor left over from the wedding. It will also feature lots of food, cornhole, and something that Bob is calling Donkey Punch. Be afraid, be very afraid. This may lead to some 'situations' that might be better left to the bonus DVD as opposed to the network airing.

Katrina is a Whore

Mother Nature is a bitch, what can I say?

I know I don't normally due thinky, thoughtful posts or anything. However, sometimes I get moved.

I found a blog about the hurricane from two reporters in Gulf Port, MI, who stayed in the city in their news office while the hurricane hit.

Call it crazy, or brave, or stupid, but whatever, it's interesting, and you have to give them credit for sticking it out and doing their jobs. Do yourself a favor though, read it from the beginning (the bottom) up to the top, you'll see a significant change in how they approach it as they see how bad it gets.

And to think we bitch about snowstorms. Pansies.

Someone Should Flood HIS House

On the way home from work yesterday I was listening to the ol' AM radio. (yes, I own a car that was built within the last 10 years, but sometimes I like listening to the AM radio. Fine, give me my Golden Buckeye card, I'm old. Damn kids)

But I digress. On this AM radio show, the host is known in the area for being a little 'acerbic'. And yes, I know that me calling someone acerbic is like OJ saying that someone 'may have' committed a crime. Anyways, since it has been such big, unfortunate news, they were talking about the hurricane. The host said, and I kinda sorta quote "Don't come crying to me, it's your fault if you decide to live down there, or if you decide to stay in your home when they tell you to get out, I'm not going to send them any money" You know, classy. He went on for about another 10 to 15 minutes on this little tirade of his. Whatever.

Here's my thought on the whole thing: Don't ever damn someone for choosing to live someplace. Even Pittsburgh. Or the South. Really, chances are they are there for the same reasons we live in blizzard and crappy weather USA. Because that's where their jobs and their families are. The other thing, and I guess I can see where he's coming from, is, why the hell would you stay in your house if you know it's about get flooded the hell out. What I had heard was that a lot of people knew that if they left, their homes would be looted before the storms came. I mean, at that point, what's the difference? Either some delinquent is walking off with your TV, or the river is. I'd think you'd be covered either way. But I guess to some people there's more dignity in getting smoked by mother nature than getting ripped off by some drop out named Deshawnquantham.

Better yet, who are the dirtbags looting homes right before a hurricane? Anyone caught looting during something like that should be tied to a telephone pole right in the path of the damn thing.

Oh, and back to the radio show host-when we have a blizzard this year and karma sends your SUV sliding into a ditch, don't complain about the stupid weather, b/c you chose this over a hurricane once every five years, idiot.

No, really, it's only Tuesday...

Really, this is kinda funny, but really, leave it to the Brittish to make it out to to be funnier than it is....

I'm extremely tired today, and completely avoiding doing any work at this time. Also, for some reason, I don't have a very good topic to talk about.

One note on the weekend: Relatively tame. I went out and did stuff both nights, but managed to avoid any significant hangovers. That doesn't seem like me. I'm scared. Hold me.

The winery idea that the girls came up with was nice, but I think they may have tossed the "classy low-key" part out the window when Diane played "I Want Your Sex".

That song is neither classy, nor low-key. Nor is it sung by a straight man. So when he's saying "I Want Your Sex", he means another guy. Now I'm just really uncomfortable. Why did I think of that? Damnit.

Sadly, I'm Still Like This

After my post the other day talking about self control (and subsequently, my lack thereof) I started thinking about how long I've been and on-again, off-again (mostly on, I guess) jerk. Now, as I've probably mentioned, or many of you probably know, I played baseball back in HS in Pennsylvania. And, as you may be surprised to know, I sometimes got a little too fired up or a little too competitive. An example just for fun:

The summer after my junior year, I was playing in one of the summer leagues. It was more of a recreational league than a competitive league, mainly because I wanted to play with more of my friends, and because I played in the more competitive leagues in the fall and during the HS season. Of course, some of the other guys from the team and a lot of guys that I went to school with that couldn't make the team played in this league as well. And it was one of those volunteer leagues, so in a lot of cases the parents were the coaches.

During one game, we were playing against a team whose coach I didn't particularly care for. His son was on the HS team with me, but mostly rode the bench and bitched about never getting a chance to play. I don't think he realized that he never got to play because he wasn't really all that good.

Here's what happened: I was on second base with two outs. One of my teamates got a base hit that should have been a double. One problem. He was chubby. And slow. And too dumb to admit either of these things. Anyways, scoring from second on a double or a ball hit into a gap is a piece of cake. So I'm jogging home, and this genius decides he really wants that double, even though he was barely making the turn at first by the time the outfileder had picked up the ball. Mind you, I'm still jogging, and the kid gets nailed at second, for the third out. Now, I figure that I had scored easily, however the umpire diasagreed and waived the run off. I may or may not have argued with him, asking him when his appointment to be IN the Special Olympics was. Somehow THAT didn't get me ejected. I got warned and went upon my merry way.

This is the fun part. I was pitching that game.

So....I get my glove, head out to the mound, and start to warm up for the next inning. I hear the coach from the other team (who's a jackass) Yapping to his team in the dugout that "that's why you don't slack off out there and expect things to be handed to you, like Gordon (me) does." Really, I know this guy, does he think I'm not listening?

That was my "boiling point".

I stood on the mound, put my glove hand to my side, and flipped him off. Not for a second, not ten seconds. I stood there. And yelled "hustle for this, you jackass!" and just held it up there.

THAT got me ejected. The umpire tossed me, so I turned to him, held the finger up and said, "Well let's make it f'ing count then"

My mother was at this game. She could not have been more disappointed in me.

That's why I'm a jerk.

An Open Letter

To: Self Control
From: Gordon

Dear Self Control,

Hey there! I know it's been a while since we've talked, and really, that's probably been my fault as much as anything. I know that over the past few years I've treated you like that friend who isn't really your friend, only spending time with you when there was nothing else to do. You know, only brining you around when the only other alternative was throwing myself down the stairs just to go to the emergency room in order to have something to do.

Now, keep in mind that without you to bring me down I've had some great moments. For example New Years 1999-2005, graduation in 2001, Las Vegas, and any other excuse to celebrate that I can think of. Without you there, I've been free to be myself, act as I wish, and pay the consequences at a later date.

However, as of late I've noticed a change. Suddenly, your abscence has only served to make me an angry, ill-tempered drunk. With out you to stand by me and say "You don't need that whiskey, you've already had 6 beers, two rum and cokes, and a shot of vodka", I've been running rampant. As I near the ripe old age of 27, I seem to be regressing to the level of a 4-year old girl, as Sarah so kindly put it.

This has led me to only one conclusion. I'm here, asking you to come back into my life. Whether I like it or not, I need you there to keep an eye on me, because I have proven that I am simply not what you would call a "resposible adult". Now, this in no way means that I'm looking for an exlusive relationship. There won't be any "don't eat that slice of pizza" or "let's go to the library instead of the bar". Noooo, not no chance, no how. I simply need a system of checks and balances to make sure that I don't ever wake up after a wedding, face down, thankful that I didn't choke on my own vomit, and not remembering how I got there or why I have my room key still clutched in my hand.

This is my plea to you. I hope you decide to accept, otherwise, the next time, I might end up in jail.

Wedding Carousel Pt 89808

Okay, it's not really that many. By this point in the summer it just seems that way.

Wedding # 5 this year takes place this weekend. The highlight of this one is the wedding gift that we purchased the couple, who just happen to be big Browns' fans. And alcoholics. Hence this gift is pretty much perfect. Of course, the combination of the gift, the hotel, and the tux puts me squarely in the poor house once again.....

Then again, considering that we'll be golfing tomorrow with the guys from the wedding party and then some at Ghettowood Country Club, being poor might be the appropriate socio-econimic demographic for me to be in to golf there. Why do we call it Ghettowood? Well, when's the last time you went to a golf course where the sprinklers were rusted to the point they wouldn't turn on, the greens were so dry and hard that the ground was cracked, and they really didn't care if you took cases of beer onto the course with you? Yeah, that's what we're dealing with. Fortunately, there's never anyone else on the course b/c it's so bad, so we essentially get to drink, be belligerant, and generally makes asses of ourselves, which is a specialty of ours of course. I'm sure someone will come up with the brilliant "one beer per hole" idea, and have to be carried off the course. Super

Still in class today, thank god I'm off tomorrow, I don't think I could take a full week of this stuff. Granted, when I mentioned to our class facilitator that I had a vacation day scheduled for tomorrow, I thought she was going to start shooting laser beams out of her eyes right through my junk. Not good times.

The rehearsal dinner is tonight, which promises some semblance of shenanigans.

Also, I really, really need a nap.

I Snatched This From Another Blog

....But it's totally fine. Actually, it's more than fine. That, and I really wanted to use the word "snatch" in a blog title, b/c it will make Sarah and Diane cringe. Or was it moist that makes them look like they just got punched in the collective baby-maker?

Anyways check this out: Christopher Walken is apparently running for President. It could always be a hoax, but the website seems too well done for it to be fake. Plus, there's no mention of him running on a platform of more cowbell......

Oh, and there's a poster too. I think maybe when Bob and Carrie go out of town on their honeymoon, I may wallpaper their room in these just to freak them out......

Thanks to AMG for making this available on her blog, thereby brining it to my attention.

Save Me!

I'm still in a classroom here at work. I'm sure our educator means well, but I'm at the point where the thought of another day of not doing anything but listening to this woman talk is making me want to wash my hands in a bucket of acid.....

Couple of quick thoughts from the weekend:

Both my Eric Metcalf jersey and my Ferris Beuller poster arrived in the mail on Saturday, and they both made me giggle like a small child on a sugar buzz.

Saturday's party was a blast, and entertaning as always. I'm not sure why, but every time Loyd has a party, we manage to plow through a keg of beer in nothing flat. We always say "one keg should be plenty, there won't be that many people here", but then we destroy it playing flip cup. Funny how that works.

Also, you know you've found a keeper when a girl you've been dating for a month does a keg stand, in a skirt, in front of a group of your friends, and lasts longer than some of the guys. Good work Megan, that's an All-Star move.

Finally, if I can find a way to get a nap in at work, that would be spectacular. I'm having one of those George-finding-a-way-to nap-under-his-desk moments from Seinfeld. Really, a blanket and an alarm clock? That's all I need my friend.

Also, will someone please tell Dick Clark that it's okay, he can really stop showing up for New Years Eve, my parents don't stay up late enough to know the difference any more. Really, Dick, we get it, you may be 75, but you're pretty much fucking invincible. Really, I think this guy could survive a nuclear Holocaust and dig himself out just in time to say "We'll be right back on New Year's Rockin Eve 2012"......

Big Empty

Two Words:

Nap. Time.

Really, I don't mind being in class all week again, but after 2 weeks now, it's starting to really drain on my usually abundant energy level. In fact, I'm pretty damn tired. In light of that, and the fact that I'm not nearly as annoyed with work as usual, today's post is just a bunch of random ramblings and thoughts.

Is there a bigger a-hole in the world than Terrell Owens right now? Really, workouts in your driveway? Grow the F up. Great Terrell, we all know you were the first kid in your neighborhood to have a basketball hoop, you douchebag.

It's been a lot of fun to watch the Indians make their way into the wildcard race again, especially considering the fact that most people here (ie Plain Dealer pessimist writers) buried them sometime in late June. I might have to sneak down for a game or two in September if they're still in it. Interested parties sign up below.

In response to Bev, who said that she doesn't understand why boys have an obsession with video games: On my PlayStation2, I can be an NFL quarterback, a Navy Seal, a pilot, or a pro skateboarder. In real life, I'm gaining weight, I hate my job, and I'm relatively unexciting.

Which would you choose?

Also, good luck to Sarah on her diet, hopefully it works out for you, because I can tell that you're committed to it, because you've written about it for two days straight. In your honor, I had a Milky Way for desert today after lunch.

Tag This....

Well, this only took me a week to finally do, but here we go........

10 years ago: I was still in high school (holy christ that was a long time ago), playing a lot of baseball, spending a lot of time at the beach, and generally being one of those screw off, smart ass high school kids that I can't stand now that I'm a cranky old man. Funny how times change

5 years ago: That would have been junior year of college, which would have included numerous debacles of life, including most of the guys turning 21, and pretty much everyone being single. Summarily, this resulted in a lot of adventures with Natty Light and the foosball table

1 year ago: I was cursing my job, cursing my MBA program, waiting to go on vacation at the end of August, and waiting to get my car back from the super terrific hit and run. Fun times

5 snacks I enjoy: Only 5? That's not fair. Fat kid likes snacks.... Junior Mints, Salt and Vinegar Pringles, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, chocolate covered pretzels, Nutter Butters,

5 bands/artists that I know the lyrics to most of their songs: Dave Matthews Band, o.a.r, Blink 182, Nirvana, Stone Temple Pilots

5 things I'd do with $100,000,000: Move myself and my friends someplace warm. (Really, what good is living down on the coast if I have no one to get drunk with?) Pay off my parents house and give them the funds to move someplace they would like. Purchase St. Louis Cardinals season tickets. Buy myself a little person to serve as my personal assistant, you know, like an Oompa Loompa or something. Finally, open the bar of my dreams, in Vegas, including the longest bar in the world.

5 locations I'd like to run away to: Vegas (obviously), Ireland, Destin, FL, Rome, San Diego (that's German for "a whale's vagina")

5 bad habits I have: Cursing too much, having to short of a temper, being too hard on myself, procrastinating, never being able to sit still

5 things I like doing: playing video games, watching movies, playing sports, drinking, and playing video games while drinking (really, I have problems)

5 thing I will never wear: capri pants (really they make them for guys and they are AWFUL), leather pants, a Speedo, a shiny shirt, a Pittsburgh Steelers anything...

5 TV shows I like: Seinfeld, South Park, Arrested Development, 24, Family Guy (that was way too easy)

5 movies I like: Old School, Wedding Crashers, Ocean's 11, Swingers, Baseketball...(I'm mature, really)

5 people I'd like to meet: shit, people should be lining up to meet me.....how about, Vince Vaughn, Dan Marino, Jennifer Garner (simply so I could ask her wtf she is thinking right now), Bill Murray, Lance Armstrong....

5 biggest joys at the moment: Madden NFL 2006, the fact that it's almost football season, the Cards are in first, my grape Propel water stuff, and the idea that my hangover from PIB is finally gone

5 favorite toys: Again, you want me to narrow this down? Um....Big Wheel, Transformers, remote controlled car, Starting Lineup Figures, and of course, my Matchbox General Lee....

I'm not tagging anyone, b/c anyone I would have tagged has already done this, so..if you are reading this and want to do it yourself...feel free...

Sleepy.....

Apparently, going to the store at midnight to buy a video game isn't a good idea, especially if you have to stay up till 12:45 to complete the transaction.

Being in class these last 2 weeks at work hasn't helped either.

I still have a tagged post that I have to do as well, hopefully I can do that this week.

Oh, and for the record, Madden 2006? Amazing

Drunk-in-Bay

This weekend was kind of a blur.

I say that b/c a lot happened, and I was really really drunk. A lot. Almost all of it.

I went to Put-in-Bay with Sarah, and about 2/3 of the free world.

Let's just say that there was apparently some law going into effect that wine was going to be made illegal by Saturday night, because we drank so much of it during the day that I thought I was going to go blind.

I'm also super-third-world poor after this weekend, thanks to not even knowing where I spent money at PIB, and thanks to a small shopping spree yesterday at Crocker Park. But I got two nice shirts for me, and a few small things for my friends new baby, who I'm going to visit today.

And since I wasn't done spending money, I put in a bid on a sweet Ferris Bueller poster on eBay.

Actually, I saw the poster at Red Robin when M and I went to dinner there last night, and sprinted back to her house to buy it online....

Blacked Out

Surprisingly, this title isn't about drinking.

Just for the record, losing your power twice in one week at night, during August, during the hotest week, sucks major balls.

This just in, sweating through your sheets, not hot....

All Backed Up

I've been in class all week training for a new position, so I really haven't been in a position where I can blog with ease, b/c although we are on computers, if I was blogging I would be the only one typing away, which tends to draw attention to onesself.

That being said, I apologize for neglecting, I could have done it last night, but we went and saw Charlie and The Chocolate Factory, which was amazing.

Also, I was tagged by Sarah, so I will hopefully do that post tonight after work, so you guys can have something longer to bore yourselves with.

However, to try and ease the pain, I'll share a picture of a friend I made in Vegas

And by friend, I mean some guy at Rain who's shirt I really liked.

*Hint: Save the pic and turn it upside down if you can't figure it out.

Then tell me that's not some funny shit.

Another Wasted Summer

I'm actually sitting in a class right now at work, that isn't relevant, interesting, or making any sense to me whatsoever. Thanks to the relatively incompetent nature of my company, I've managed to have an entire day wasted while I sit here, trying to think of a blog topic, and attempting to not give myself paper cuts down the length of my wrists with my note pad.

It also led me to take a good solid 20 minutes straight staring out the window.

Right, staring out a window on a beautiful sunny day in the summer whilst I waste away in an office. Apparently I'm also a masochist. Super.

It's led me to the conclusion that save for a trip to Vegas, and enjoying the weddings of several friends, I haven't done much of anything with this summer that is quickly going to be drifting into the winter soon. It's also gotten me to realize that I've wasted the last 3 summers sitting in this god-awful building, doing this mundane work, and spending too much time complaining and not enough time fixing it. All I ask for is some moderately interesting work, a fun environment, and a little bit of freedom to enjoy myself once in a while if I'm going to be all pent up like this.

Fuck it, who wants to open a bar with me?

Fridays, Natty Light, and Rock n' Roll....

I noticed that yesterday's post was a couple of things. It A) looked like crap b/c I am a complete retard when it comes to using computers, B) Was incredibly non-creative, and C) Was the kind of nostalgic-look-at-me-I'm-so-cute-b/c-I remember-my-childhood post that usually makes me start stabbing a pen through the palm of my hand when I realize that's all I can come up with for the day.

But screw it, my big wheel was pretty f-ing sweet.

Regardless, it's Friday, which as we all know means that I'm happy, and that I will post about a whole lot of nothing, and maybe even throw you a few links today.

Memo to the ceiling fan in my bedroom: When I turn you on, I want a nice air flow, not a 21 gun salute. You're so fucking loud that I had to turn you off to have a prayer of falling asleep last night. It's not that I mind a little bit of noise, but sounding like you are about to come unhinged and fall onto my bed, only to pummel me to death is not the kind of "little bit of noise" that I mean.

Other notes: My internet shopping binge continues forward. I damn near bought an Ipod yesterday, which would be great, b/c I love little electronic toys that do all kinds of good, fun things. (If I hear any vibrator jokes based on that statement, well, I'll probably just laugh, b/c I deserve it)

(Another thought: Would girls buy one of those things with an MP3 Player in it? I wouldn't think so, b/c really, wouldn't it be all muffled anyways? Hell, they put MP3 players in everything else)

Okay, back to the original thought, internet shopping: My Cornhole bags came today, so as soon as I can get the boards built, I'll be enjoying some good old-fashioned Midwest, white trash fun. Also, I found another Eric Metcalf jersey on Ebay, so the saga continues. Plus, I have this incredible urge to hit up UrbanOutfitters.com and buy t-shirts.

Also: The LVT is now serving Natty Light on tap for 75 cents. This is in many ways a good thing, and in many ways a bad thing. As we all know, I am quite the fan of the cheaply bought beer. However, as I increase in age and lameness, I have become less the fan of the hangover that is brought about by cheap beer in large quantities.

Alright, that's enough for today, you all enjoy your weekend, I'll be down at the Blind Pig tonight to see The Webster's, and of course, drinking. Also, don't forget to check in on Sarah, and vote on whether or not she should do the Date Lance thing. You know, cause it's evil.

On Second Thought

I had a post up earlier about my job that was a little bit on the scathing and bitter side. Then I remembered the articles I have read about other people who have gotten fired from their jobs for blogging about them and saying terrible things. It's too bad, because it was a really funny post. However, I haven't got any way of supporting myself without having a steady source of income.

It's fine, I'm sure I can come up with something interesting. Actually, it's funny b/c the other day we were talking about toys and stuff we had when we were kids that were actually much cooler than anything the kids have today. Or at least, we sure seemed to think so.....stupid kids and their stupid Game Boy SP, and their computers....come on, get some imagination. Anyway, I figured I would talk about a few of my favs....

The Big Wheel











Seriously, how f'ing great were these? Plastic seat, plastic wheels, well, pretty much plastic everything. We used to build massive jumps, (like a foot of the ground) and spin donuts that would shred the plastic wheels, and run them into the garage so hard that it would make dents.I had the General Lee one, which may or may not have had Confederate flag stickers, which were great. I don't know how my mother could stand those things, what with the plastic on gravel sound that makes most adults nasueous. They still make these actually, but they're like SpongeBob and crap like that.

Transformers


Another one that they still make today, but really, they were much cooler in the 80s. Back then, they were simple, plastic fun. Now they're all crazy and stuff, and they totally want to do a CGI movie and stuff. Crazy












Sega Genesis


















Alright, I know. We all actually started our video game addictions much younger than this, playing Atari 2600 or the original, old school Nintendo. But, if you actually took the time to save the money to buy this one for yourself, and take that next step, especially with the impending release of the Madden franchise, and the consistent outpouring of other EA sports titles, then you were probably one of those guys (like me) that will play video games for ever and ever and ever. And probably never get laid. Super.

I could probably come up with a bunch more, but I'm tired, plus, it's time for lunch. You guys got any other favorites that I didnt' mention here?

I Should Really Be More Careful...

..Before asking for a topic to post about. Thanks to my own lack of creativity today (or maybe in spite of it) Sarah tagged me to talk about my "turn ons" and my "turn offs". Sweet. I feel like a Playboy centerfold answering these things. You know, except for the part where I don't have a vagina nor would I sleep with Hef.*


Anyway, since I'm a bitter, negative person, let's start w/ the "offs" heh heh heh...you said "offs"


Turn Offs

1) Bad Teeth (Seriously, we live in Ohio, not Appalacia)
2) Chain-Smoking
3) Being Poor (I mean, come on people, I don't mind treating, but at the age of 25 having a negative checking account balance is not attractive)
4) Refusing to ever drink anything alcoholic
5) Thinking that Jimmy Fallon is funny
6) Talking only about yourself
7) Stating that you don't understand why guys like sports so much (even if you don't get it, don't say anything, really)
8) Sleeping with my friends

Turn Ons

1) Having a sense of humor
2) Not cringing every time someone says the words "Jaeger-bomb"
3) Being nicer than me (really, I say a lot of mean things, it's nice to have someone balnce me out)
4) Buying me a drink (Newsflash: guys like free booze too)
5) Being able carry on a conversation using more than monosylabic words
6) Possessing female genitalia (I know, I stole this from Sarah)
7) Having a firm grasp of the importance of Peanut Butter Cup ice-cream to my mental well being
8) Not being afraid of the ball (any ball: football, baseball, ping pong ball, other....uh....balls...)

Thanks Sarah, I really had to dig deep to come up with these, it really made me think. Okay, actually, I'm just brain dead today, and at least you gave me something to write about. Now...tagging people....well, normally I would tag Sarah, but she already tagged me, and I'm sure there's a rule about no-tag-backs, so I tag Kara, and Bev. Good luck guys, I'm sure they'll be entertaining.


*I meant to add this earlier about Hef: Really, I mean the guy is 70 some years old, and he pulls more action with better looking girls than most of us could pull on our best days. No matter how much you think he objectifies women, or uses his money and such to get with these girls, as a guy, on the most primal level, you have to be pretty impressed. And completely fucking jealous.

I'm Blank Today

Really, sadly, I don't have a topic, or even an idea for a topic today. I have a feeling I'm going to be reaching for whatever I come up with today. Any suggestions? Anyone?

Bueller?


Bueller?

Once I Can Understand, but Twice?

Let me start this post by saying that I'm quite aware that I am not the most patient person I know, not by any stretch of the imagination. Really, I'm the guy that gets mad at someone who takes more than 10-15 items through the self checkout at the grocery store and then stares at the touch screen like they've never seen light before. And really, that's usually only b/c my beer is getting warm or I really want to plow into that bag of animal cookies that I just bought.

However, last night was a real test to my patience, and a subsequent challenge to my ability to not yell at someone who may have deserved it.

Having had equally bad days at work, M (my new friend, the one who kindly picked me up from the wedding on Saturday) and I decided that we could use some kind of barley and hops generated relief. That being the case, we headed over to the Winking Lizard over in Avon. Let me state for the record that I really like the Winking Lizard. They have a great selection of beer, the food is decent, and generally, the service is pretty good.

Last night, not so much. Not at all.

M and I got seated outside, on the back patio thing that they have. We weren't eating, but they gave us a table anyways. They weren't busy, so it really wasn't an issue as far as I'm concerned. Now, I understand that our server has other tables, etc, but it took her almost 15 MINUTES to even come over and ask what we wanted to drink. She gave us some story about how one of the other servers had had an issue with a previous table and she was listening to his story about it.

Okay, that's nice and all, but not my problem. My problem was needing a drink, which would be your job. She was relatively quick in getting our drinks, and okay with getting our second round as well, but then she fell apart again. Who knows, maybe she was mad that we weren't eating, or that we only had 2 drinks, but we didn't really bother her for anything but our two drinks, and last time I checked, THAT WAS HER JOB.

Anyway, when we were getting close to the end of our second drinks, I asked for our check. Our server proceeded to go back up to the bar, stand there talking to two friends of hers that were sitting there, literally 10 feet from our table, for 15 minutes. She then went and checked on the table two down from us, talked to them, went and got their check, and then went back to her friends. Are you effing kidding me? That's twice in one night that she neglected the same table.

Finally, she comes back over to us and asks if she can get us anything. Fortunately, as she was walking over, M grabbed my arm and said "Just let me ask for it, don't even say a word" (She knows me way too well already, kinda scary). She finally brought our check, didn't even apologize for forgetting it, and somehow, I still tipped her 20%. I'm a pansy, I get it.....

Honestly, had I not been with someone that I just met, I would have probably said something mean or told her manager or something, b/c it just wasnt' acceptable. That, and I'm a total bitch

Hangovers CAN Last Two Days

Two Words

Mondays. Suck.

(To put it more clearly: being hungover on Monday from activities that took place Saturday night-not fun.)

I made a little checklist this morning as I was walking out the door, it looked a little like this:

Cell Phone: Check
Work ID: Check
Lunch: Check
Sunglasses: Lost
Application for a new liver: Check
Dignity: Left at the Holiday Inn in Elyria

Also, Sarah was kind enough to post a few statistics about the evening (thanks, really), but she left a few out.

Number of:

Bottles of Champange emptied on the limo ride: 2
Bottles of Absolut emptied on the limo ride: 1
Times the limo had to stop b/c members of the wedding party had to use the bathroom: 1 (I thought this would be much higher, b/c we were drunk)
Sober members of the wedding party by the time we got to the reception: 0
Times I apologized to Paul's mom for being so drunk: At least 3
Inappropriate comments that I probably made to everyone there: 4,097
People who went to the hotel bar after the reception, b/c really we weren't drunk enough: approx 40

If that gives you any kind of an idea about how ridiculous the whole thing was, good, b/c it was 2x more crazy than I can even make it sound. That being said, I had a blast. Drew and I were laying around on Sunday, and we couldn't really think of anything that was bad. The ceremony was short and relaxed, but nice, the photographer kept us moving during photos so we didn't feel like we were just standing around in the sun melting, our limo driver was fun and accomodating, the hotel staff at the reception was the same, and we had an outstanding group of friends in the wedding party that all got along and had fun together the entire evening. Look at that last statement again, it's key.

This is a memo to every bride out there that is planning a wedding right now. I don't care how much you love your overly dramatic, attention seeking pyscho friends. If you include them in your wedding, there is a good chance they will do something to make others miserable, b/c they will be mad that the attention isn't all on them. You all know what type of person I am talking about. Fortunately, we didn't have anyone even close to that on Saturday, and we had a great time. I still haven't even talked to a lot of people that were there, but I'm totally looking forward to hearing some good stories from that night......

Thursday is the New Friday

At least it is when you take the actual day of Friday off from work.

After working a large volume of overtime, cursing yourself every step of the way for it, and finally feeling like you might have a meltdown if you have to answer one more question, you become very thankful for that vacation day that looms so tantalizingly on the horizion.

At least, I know I do.

This is especially true b/c tomorrow is the golf outing for the guys involved with the wedding I'm in on Saturday, followed by the rehearsal dinner, followed by drinking I'm sure. And let's face it, I like to drink.

Memo to Mother Nature on this whole golfing thing tomorrow: Enjoy the raining off and on ALL DAY thing today while you can. If you think you are bringing this shit while I'm trying to golf, drink beer, and enjoy my day off, forget it. I will LOSE IT, and not just in a small way. I mean, full fledged, 3-year-old-pounding-my-fists-on-the-ground-stomping-my-feet-super-spectacular-temper-tantrum.

Okay, probably not that bad, but man, will I be PISSED.

One other thought for today: I know I haven't said anything about this, which I'm sure amazes you, especially since we all know I like video games, (b/c I'm 16-you guys want to go to Dairy Queen? Awesome) but this whole Grand Theft Auto thing that has been in the news is pretty damn entertaining.

The Video Games Ratings Board or whatever raised the rating on the game to "Adults Only", which is like saying it might be porn. I'm okay with the rating, and with them making it clear that the game isn't for kids. Here's what puzzles me: Why are the politicians that are in such an uproar about it making it a national story? Are they aware of how adolescent minds work? They're pretty simple. If you tell them they shouldn't, they want to. If you tell them they can't, they will. Especially with something like this. Because it's taboo, the kids will be on it like a fat kid on a cupcake. Additionally, and I say this all the damn time, WHY aren't any of the parents monitoring what their kids are doing? Maybe it's just me, but if my mother said "You aren't getting that game" Guess what? I sure as hell wasn't getting it. And if I found a way to get it? It would have wound up in the trash compactor. While I watched. And shivered. And recoiled in horror at the sound of my 50$ of video-game-goodness being crunched up with the cereal boxes and milk cartons and the like. But that was my house, where you could always question, but never disobey.

Sorry, small tangent there, back to my original point:

Sadly, again, we live in a society where everyone wants to blame everyone else for their problems, and taking responsibility is the exception rather than the rule. It doesn't help that your average politician's main goal is to get more face time in the media than the guy he's running against in the next election. Which makes sense, b/c the true goal of being an elected official is to make sure that you set yourself up to be elected again, which is why you deal with issues like this as opposed to things that really make a difference on a day to day basis.


Also, I just got an email and peeked at CNN.com and saw about the second round of terrorist bombings in London. And I just got sick to my stomach looking at it. They're calling the explosions "incidents", but I think it's safe to say that's terrorist related. Really, I know that these people hate us and we're awful, shallow people, but seriously, F you. Big time. F You and your lame ass pipe bombs, and your box cutters, and your patchy facial hair, and your beating, raping, and general degradation of your OWN women. Really, F yourselves right in the A. Assholes.

Wedding Crashers

Holy crap. I know I said it at least 25 times last night, but the movie was freakin hilarious. I actually leaned forward to one of my friends last night and asked him if he was taking notes for the wedding that we are going to this weekend, but then realized it would totally not work b/c we're in the wedding, so pretty much everyone is going to know who I we are anyways. Oh well, it's probably better off, b/c I have too much of a conscience to pull anything off like that. I can't even keep up a lie for 10 minutes, let alone 5 hours.

It's actually kind of cool that lately anytime any combination of Vince Vaughn, Luke/Owen Wilson, Will Ferrell, and Ben Stiller show up in a movie together that it turns out to be hilarious. I mean look at it: Old School, Dodgeball, Starsky and Hutch, Anchorman, all funny in their own way (I know somepeople really like Zoolander, where with Stiller and Owen, but really, that movie didn't do much for me, maybe I need to see it again)

That being said, I'm in a pretty crappy mood today, but I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I'm working an extra long day today so that I can be off on Friday, which will be nice when it gets here. However, I'm just really not feeling all that great, nor am I in the mood to have to deal with people today. For whatever reason, I've been terribly moody today, which is the opposite of fun. I guess I'm just frustrated with a lot of the different areas of my life right now, and am more frustrated by the fact that I haven't found a good direction to go in to better these things, so I'm just kind of treading water right now. This would be fine, except for the fact that I just truly lack any patience to let things gradually get better.

eh...well that was depressing, sorry about that guys.......

In better news:

There's an effing Smurf Movie in the works, which when coupled with Transformers movie coming out in 2007, I'm sure to be able to regress to my childhood well into my late 20s.

Katie Has Officially Gone Looney

This is ridiculous....


A Scientologist chaperone? What would Dawson say?

Hopefully something along the lines of: "Dude, that crazy eff is old enough to be your dad, and now he's got you hanging around with trendy gypsies. Lame"

Okay, maybe not like that, but if I was speaking for him, it would sound like that......

Time for a Life Lesson

Since I don't really have anything fun, or interesting to say, I've decided that maybe I'm just better off passing off my infinite wisdom to y'all, my faithful readers. Here's one for today:

How To: Have a good day at work when you hate your job

1) Show up Late: This is really key to any great day. Showing up late is one way to ensure that you have to do even less work than you currently are trying to avoid. This works even better if you have a boss who is completely oblivious or a moron (common) due to the fact that it will make it easier to repeat the offense.

2) Spend Quality Time in the Morning With Your Blog/Internet/Otherwise: A guarunteed productivity killer. Blogging about hating your job is ill-advised though, b/c employers will fire you for your transgressions, and let's face it; your job may suck, but being poor probably sucks worse. Frequenting your favorite sites in the morning helps keep you from having to waste time doing it after work, when you could be doing more important things, like watching TV, or drinking.

3) Take At Least 1 Break Per Hour: Another key to maintaining sanity. Really, you're probably either working relatively hard, or so annoyed by the stupidity of your coworkers that you need to take time to breathe and get away from them on a regular basis. This is really only for your mental health. It helps to take up smoking if you want to maximize this practice, b/c nobody argues with a smoker who needs their fix.

4) Find Ways to Offensively Question Company Practices and Policies: This will do nothing but entertain your fellow bitter coworkers, offend your bosses (whom you likely don't respect anyways) and help you blow off much needed steam. Be sure to pepper your speech with four letter words and offensive statments about your superiors, really, it makes you feel much better.

5) Shut it Down Half an Hour Early: If you leave at 5, stop doing things at 4:30. Get up, walk around, go to the bathroom, or simply pull up something on your computer that looks work related, and pretend to be all over it, while secretly taking extra peeks at your fantasy football team.

Now, after all of this, you should have hopefully done no more than 2-3 hours of work in an 8 hour day. That is success my friends.

Lessons Learned This Weekend

After another long, entertaining weekend, I've learned a few things.......

1) I most certainly am still suffering from the Vegas letdown. Not good times.

2) Being around a bunch of guys that are married, or about to get married, makes me feel either really old, or like the most irresponsible 26 yr old ever.

3) Taking more cash with me when I go out doesn't mean that I'll come home with more. It just means that I spend more. Instead of buying for 3 people, I end up buying for 10. Good call, moron.

That being said, the bachelor party was a big success, even if I did put myself back in the poor house again. No big deal. It was good to see both of the guys have a good time, and to see all of the people that made it out for at least part of the evening.

I will, however, have to give a slight thumbs down to Lakewood Lanes over on Detroit. Really, I know bowling alleys probably don't make a ton of money, and it's not a lucrative venture these days, but really, the place was bad. When you have one guy handling the bowling, and the bar, you may have a staffing issue. That and the face that he was apparently holding a newspaper recycling drive in the bar area, didn't make things very pleasant. At least half the ceiling tiles were missing. I will say though, that the lanes did have one thing going for them: if MTV ever wanted to film an episode of The 70's House there, they certainly would be right in their element......

The other good thing from this weekend is that I got all of the Browns tickets that I wanted, and will be attending home games against the Lions, Bengals (the opener) the Dolphins, and the Jags, which means lots and lots of tailgating, which means lots and lots of bad for me food. And I love it.

Couple of other fun things today:

Speaking of living in the 70s: Village People Cop Busted Apparently being famous 30 years ago just isn't what it used to be. Do you think he was wearing the outfit when they picked him up? Wouldn't that make it that much more entertaining? Better yet, where did this guy get 100k to post bail?

The new Harry Potter book sold 6.9 Million copies in one day

I'm sure the Vatican can't be happy about that. (Insert your own little boy/Catholic church joke here, I'm laying off for a while)

I'm Totally Lazy Today...

Want proof? I didn't even bother to shave this morning. For me, that's the essentially like I didn't even bother putting clothes on. Honestly, if I go more than one day with out shaving, I can roughly pass for a homeless person, or Colin Farrell.*

Want more proof that I'm lazy today? I don't even have plans to go out tonight, which, since this is the first full weekend that I'm in town in three weeks, you'd think I'd have something going on. But, short of having a few folks over to watch the Indians' game tonight, I've got nothing.

To FURTHER prove the point that I have no motivation, this is as much of a post as your getting out of me, other than a few links today.....

Even Harry Potter can't escape the wrath of the Vatican these days:

Pope Benedict called the books "a subtle seduction of young minds" To totally steal a joke from Jon Stewart on last nights' Daily Show "if there's one group that knows something about the subtle seduction of young boys......"

But seriously, maybe the church should spend less time hating EVERYTHING, and more time trying to inspire. There's a reason young people don't go to church. Personally, I get enough of the Debbie Downer stuff the rest of the week from the news, work, etc, to want to drag myself out of bed on Sunday mornings to hear all the reasons that I'm going to go to hell. I can get there just fine curled up against my pillow, thank you.

Christian Slater turned down the chance to plead down in his "groping case" in NYC

I wonder if this will affect his VIP status at the Spearamint Rhino? Hmmmmmm


Also, I'm one day closer to winning my Eric Metcalf Browns jersey on Ebay.

And I'm officially retarded.


*and by "look like Colin Farrell, I mean that everytime I see him on TV, he's looks disheveled and unbathed, but in a way that girls like...except for the part where I might be slightly less attractive....

Creepy

So I was peeking at my StatCounter site (you know, b/c I hate doing any actual work) and in the midst of all my hits from my usual readers in their usual locations, I get this:

vict-cache2.iraq.centcom.mil


I'm not sure how to react to that. At. All. Kinda creepy in a way. Hopefully, if it's any of our soldiers overseas, they're getting some kind of entertainment out of my blog. Lord knows they could probably use it.

Fridays Make Me Happy

But today is Thursday, so I'm cranky instead.

I've got nothing better than a few random thoughts again today, hopefully some of them will be entertaining.

First of, anytime you see the headline Dead Body Falls off Truck onto Highway, you have to laugh. At least a little bit. I mean really, how would you like to have that drop in front of your car on your way into work. And to think I complain about a little traffic. Really, at that point, how do you react to that? That's not like a couch falling off a truck, that's a formerly living person. Creepy.

Someone needs to take my credit card away from me, or at least my Ebay password. I just put in bids on a Cleveland Browns' retro Eric Metcalf jersey, and I'm thinking about putting in a bid for a new connector for my old school Nintendo....

I talked my dad into building us a Cornhole set, hopefully to be completed before Put-In-Bay, but at the very least to be finished before the NFL season starts. That will without a doubt make us the coolest kids at the tailgate. That, and lots of beer and sausage/pancake wraps (don't ask, they're amazing, just trust me)

Speaking of, the Browns are going to be terrible still this year, but I'll still go to at least 3 games. Why? Because I'm stupid, obviously.

A Few Random Thoughts For Today

Lately, I just haven't had the energy to put up any complete, coherent thoughts about any one subject, so sadly, todays' entry is only going to be about a few random things.

The All-Star Game

This whole "This Time it Counts" thing? Garbage. It's a godforsaken exhibition game.
Of course, I'm saying this from the perspective of a Cardinals fan, which means I might get to watch them get steamrolled again this year, so it doesn't matter who has home field. Neverthe less, I have a real hard time with a team having a great season, winning more games than the team it is playing in the World Series, and then not having home field because of the All-Star game. Ridiculous.

Man Bragged to Girl About Killings

Seriously, I about vomitted when I read this. I think the thing that makes me the most sick about it is the last line of the article

"Duncan had spent more than a decade in prison for sexually assaulting a 14-year-old boy at gunpoint in Tacoma, Wash."

Why is this sick F even allowed back on the streets? That's not even something that you can explain away. I know that there are people that are convicted sex offenders b/c they were 19 and slept with their 16 yr old g/f. That's unfortunate. This guy though? Seriously, child molestors might be the worst people on the planet. If this guy gets anything less than a life sentance and a castration appointment with a vet, I'll be f'ing pissed.

The best is when the ACLU gets involved, or when they say that the person has "mental incapacities". I'm betting the retards at the ACLU wouldn't stick up for these people so much if it was their children that were molested. And you know what? If these people are that "mentally ill" I don't want them on the streets anyways. We're so all about being an accepting society now that its' to the point that total derelicts seem to get treated as if they're 'special'. Fortunately, even the other convicts hate child molestors.

They replaced the Peppomint LifeSavers with the generic kind in our vending
machine at work

This makes me so unhappy. Let's face it, there's the Peppomint LifeSaver, and then there's all the other crap that's out there. Even worse, these are generic. There's no brand at all. I can't even get Mentos? BreathSavers? Seriously, I know we're cutting costs here, but this is just getting silly. Next thing you know, I won't be able to get a Pepsi down there. I'll be lucky to get some RC Cola, or maybe some Faygo. Damnit.

Whatever, I have work to do now....sorry guys, it's lame today, this is all you get though....

Flying, and The Pain of...

Just a quick story that I think most of you that have come to know me will appreciate.

The flight home from Vegas can be summed up in one word: Exhausting.

The fact that our flight out was at 11:20, thus requiring us to be at the airport by 9:45 was rough enough. Granted, I can probably take some of my own blame for that by showing up drunk at our hotel at about 5:00 am, thus allowing myself *maybe* 3 hours of sleep, if you want to call it that.

Take that, along with the 12 hours or so of combined sleep for the week, and put THAT on a plane. Not good times. That's not the best part.

So, prior to the flight, we're standing at our gate, and I see more than a few 14-16 year old kids running around. You know, the kids that are at that stage where they still have an s-load of energy, but they're not really afraid of adults anymore, and they really don't care about bothering anyone. Now when I realize that there are a few, I look around, and there are FIFTY OF THEM. Even better, they were in Vegas as part of a youth Jesus-crusade thing.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to see that the kids are into their faith, and not drugs and breaking into my car and crap.

HOWEVER, singing their praise songs as the plane lifts off? Awful. Really, I thought I was going to committ suicide. All I wanted was to drink my water, pass out, and forget that I had 4 hours of flying. Yeah, not even close. Compound this with the kid that was sitting behind me, consistently kicking my seat for most of the flight, while I was trying to sleep, and you had one unhappy camper/flyer. Reminding yourself that I have an insanely short fuse, especially when I'm tired, and this is a bad situation.

Really, is there any worse feeling in the world than being violently hung over, coming back from a trip of total debauchery, and having to suppress the urge to turn around and verbally berate some little punk, because you know you're going to get the worst of it, because really, whose side is God going to be on on this one? Not mine, I'll tell you that much.

Vegas: More Everything

Wow.

I just realized that I haven't posted an entry in 10 days, which is a long time considering that I haven't ever gone more than 2 days without posting since I started this thing. I hope nobody got worried that I suddenly went out and got a life.

The Vegas trip in a word: Amazing.

I can't even fathom ever going on vacation anywhere else after this trip. I also think I'll need at least 6 months to sleep off this trip before I can go back.

Rather than drone on with a bunch of stories about the trip, I figure I'll throw out a few interesting things about it, and leave it at that. Plus, I have a lot to catch up on at work, seeing as how I haven't been here in five days. (Actually, I'll probably tell some stories or something later, I just don't have the energy right now)

Total Gambling Loss $60
Total Spent on Food $100-$150 (Only eating once a day helps with this)
Total Spent on Alcohol- $500+ (????) I really have no clue, I have to check my debit card statement for a better idea on this one.

Overall I was pretty happy with the gambling loss thing. I was up going into Thursday night thanks to a nice turn at the table Thursday morning that could have been even better had I not been forced by an unhealthy stomach to get food.

Then, after a mess of a night on Thursday, mostly from drinking and such, one of the other guys and I decided to take a turn at the blackjack tables as we cut back through the Barbary Coast casino towards our hotel. 60$ and then some later, we were last seen leaving that casino at 5 am, quite possibly fleeing it like someone had just set us on fire. Awful. It didn't even last more than 20 minutes. Lesson learned: Don't gamble drunk.

Couple of other notes. Of the clubs we went to (dance clubs that is) Rain at the Palms was by far the best. Maybe it was a better crowd because it was a Friday, but truly, what an amazing place. Anyone who's been there can probably vouch for the fact that it's a damn cool club.

The only thing about that though, is that upon returning home Saturday night, I went downtown to the Velvet Dog for a friends birthday, and other than the fact that drinks cost about half as much, I can't say that I had much fun there. Maybe I was tired and jet lagged, and entirely too sober to enjoy it, but really, comparatively speaking, what a disappointment. I mean, there isn't even any fire coming out above the dance floor there.

I know, I'm a dork. Anyways, as much as it's nice to be back, I can say this: Going to Vegas, and meeting all kinds of people from all over the place, it really opens your eyes to what else is out there. There's so much more to the world than our little corners that we seem to shut ourselves into.

Welcome to a New Month, Now hand over your paychecks

It's going to be one of those months. I'm hating today, July 1st for a bunch of reasons.

Rent is due today

Good-bye more than half of yesterdays paycheck! I'll miss you! Hope you enjoyed the 18 hours you spent in my checking account!

Vegas is 4 Days Away

I can't wait, but given my current uncertainty at my job, I'm going to be nervous everytime I double down or hear someone say "always bet on black", and not just because of Passenger 57.

Wedding Carousel '05 Continues

Again, this is a fun thing, but tux+gift= wallet :(

Also, my office is a ghost town today. There's no more than a handful of people here, so it's me, a few peers, and the internet today. Thank goodness for the internet, otherwise, I'd have to listen to myself think for 8 hours. Thanks, but at that point I think I'd try some drain cleaner with a turpentine chaser......

Also, if I hear one more variation of the "Are you going to lose your job? What happens if you get fired? Do you have your resume together?" Question, I'm going to stab someone. Seriously

Last Day to Vote.....

For the MLB All-Star Game. I'm a huge baseball fan, as some of you know, but sadly enough, today is the first day that I've gotten to vote. So I'm voting. A lot. It's fine.

Here's how my ballot broke down, incase anyone cares:

American League

First Base:M. Teixeira, TEX
Second Base: B. Roberts, BAL
Third Base:H. Blalock, TEX
Shortstop:M. Tejada, BAL
Catcher:J. Mauer, MIN
Outfielder:V. Guerrero, LAA
Outfielder:M. Ramirez, BOS
Outfielder:I. Suzuki, SEA
DH:D. Ortiz, BOS

National League

First Base: A. Pujols, STL
Second Base: J. Kent, LAD
Third Base:S. Rolen, STL
Shortstop:A. Gonzalez, FLA
Catcher:P. Lo Duca, FLA
Outfielder:B. Abreu, PHI
Outfielder:M. Cabrera, FLA
Outfielder:J. Edmonds, STL

Head on over to MLB.com to get your votes in

Only 5 Days Until Las Vegas

Change is Good, Allegedly.

On my drive into work today, I happened to be flipping around the radio, checking for traffic, sports and other things that matter, and managed to get an interesting piece of news on the radio.

We're being bought, sold, whatever you want to call it.

Now, I've always made it a policy that I don't talk about my work here on my blog, but this one affects myself, and everyone that I work with on a significant enough level that I feel like brining it up. They're talking about the fact that significant part of our workforce is going to be cut in the restructuring, and even though we've all assured ourselves that it won't affect us, there's no guarantees.

Needless to say, I may be joining the "looking for work" ranks sometime in the somewhat near future. It's not a position that I've been in in the last 4 years, so who knows.

I think the part that gets me a bit is the way I found out about it. Again, I heard it on the radio.

It's like if a baseball team decides to trade a player, or worse, move the whole franchise, and the player, or the whole team, doesn't find out until they hear about it on the news. It's kind of odd. Today's going to be a wierd day, so we'll see if I have anything else to post about. My brain is kind of going in a lot of different directions.

Things Getting under my Skin right now

My LaunchCast Radio Station

I know nothing is perfect, but when I program you to play these bands:

Matchbox Twenty,Barenaked Ladies,The Offspring,R.E.M.,Red Hot Chili Peppers,U2,Blink 182
John Mayer,Simple Plan,The White Stripes,Maroon 5,Sum 41,Good Charlotte and Green Day.

And you give me: The Cardigans, Rod Stewart, Three Doors Down, Ryan Cabrera and Ashley Simpson, I want to reach through my computer and throttle whoever is programming you. Fortunately, you just played Island in the Sun by Weezer, so I'm letting it slide for now......

The Cavaliers:

Let me get this straight, you traded a first rounder next year for Jiri Welsch, got 16 games at 2.9 points per game out of him, and then traded him for a second round pick next year. What? You just rented the guy, and gave up a pick to do it. Did I mention that he contributed nothing? Goddamnit, stupid Cleveland sports.

My Dryer:

Listen, asshole, I know it's an unspoken agreement that things are going to disappear inside of you occassionally, especially socks and the like. But do me a favor, take the old white ones I use when I'm running or playing sports, not the good ones that cost a little bit more that I wear when I go to work or out. I now have at least 4 different socks that have a certain pattern or something that are missing their partners and are therefore, totally worthless.

The Light Outside my Backdoor

I mean, I like falling down the stairs as much as the next guy, but seriously, how do you burn out after being used for a month or two? Aren't light bulbs supposed to last like 1000 hours or something? I certainly don't leave you on continuously, and don't use you anymore than any of my other lights, in fact, probably less, b/c you only get turned on if I'm using the stairs at night. However, I'm going to be changing you tonight for the 5th time in the year that I've lived there. The last three days going down to the basement to do laundry has been like The Temple of effing Doom, I'm just waiting for something to shoot out of the walls, it's so damn dark in there.


6 Days Until Vegas (This is definitely not annoying to me)

I almost forgot

Internets! Rejoice!

Okay, I'm probably the only one who's excited about this, but I found a blog written by one of my favorite bands: Yellowcard. I know a few other people that read this are fans, so it's kind of cool to check out. Apparently the new album won't be out till next year though, which kind sucks....I've pretty much run Ocean Ave. into the ground

One Week to Go

I'm officially one week away from Las Vegas. 7 Days.

That means, by this time next week I will be just about to board a plane for 3 days of full out debauchery. The scary part is, we're pretty much set, and somehow, with three people planning the trip for the 12 guys that are going.

I can honestly say that I've never looked forward to a vacation more.

Last night, I bought the last few stupid little things that I'll need for the trip, you know, travel toothbrush and junk like that. I also stopped over at one of the guys' houses who's going just to catch up on last minute details. J has all of our club/line passes that he hooked up with on Ebay the last time he went, and we called and made a reservation at Battista's for Thrusday night. Did I mention that their house wine comes complimentary with every meal? After seeing what a part of this group did to the monster bottles of wine at Buca Di Bepo, I'm not sure how good of an idea this is. However, I'll go on record as saying that it looks amazing.

We'll also be making appearances at Ra, Rain, and VooDoo Lounge, to name a few.

I promise, there will be stories, pictures, and the like when I get back.

Also, I'm going to need something to listen to on the plane, musicwise...anybody have any suggestions of anything new that they've been listening to that they like? let me know

A short one....

Wow,

I just reread my post from yesterday, and managed to even depress myself. So there won't be anymore of that. What's done is done, all I can do is try to be a better person and stop and think before I open my mouth going forward.

That being said, let's move on to more amusing things.

I think I got the most amusing Google hit on my blog since I started it:

Tom Cruise idiot crybaby asshole

I couldn't agree more.

In light of the fact that I was depressing yesterday, (or this morning) depending on when you read my last post, I feel like I owe a light hearted story from my younger (and more retarded days).

While at the wedding on Saturday, or more precisely, while at the open bar, somebody asked me if I wanted to do a shot with them. I, being an alcoholic, accepted, but with the stipulation "as long as it isn't vodka, I can't do it." The person standing at the bar with me said "What? Why not? Vodka's easy"

That brings me to the story. You know how everyone has that story about the first time they got drunk? Mine involves vodka. Lots of it. And it wasn't the good stuff, like Grey Goose or Absolut or Skyy. No, it was my freshman year of college, so we were going bargain basement booze. Korski and Colonial Club vodka. Now, if you aren't familiar with those brands, please, for the love of God, don't ever become so.

Now, the way this shakes down is pretty damn entertaining. Neither my two roomates or I drank in high school, so we were all a little nervous to be giving this a shot. So, one of the older guys, who happened to be a connisseur of cheap vodka, said that since he was going to be hanging out with us anyways, he would keep an eye on us and make sure nobody put themselves in a coma or anything like that. Okay, fair enough, sounds like a plan, right?

Wrong.

Once we acquired copious amounts of said cheap alcohol, and the requisite amount of cherry Kool-Aid to mix with it, we were set for good times..

Did I just say cherry Kool-Aid? Yes. Yes I did. As if the cheap vodka wasn't enough to make us look pathetic, we were mixing with Kool-Aid. Apparently, I couldn't find any Tang or generic OJ.

We started out innocently enough, mixing our cocktails in large, Speedway fountain drink plastic cups and playing euchre. (Really does it get any more Midwest than that?) Now, the one thing that we forgot to account for was that, as we got intoxicated, so was our "mentor", thereby making him less likely to "keep an eye on us". As it stood, about two hours into this ordeal we started to get relatively loopy. Not understanding that alcohol takes a bit of time to get into the system and have it's effect, I thought I was doing amazingly well, b/c I barely even felt a buzz.

It was at this point that our more senior member disappeared, and I subsequently acquainted myself with the BOTTLE of Colonial Club. When I say acquainted, I mean I parked my butt on the couch, decided I didn't need anymore Kool-Aid, and started drinking straight from the bottle, thinking that I was being sneaky, but not at all so in reality. Now mind you, I was already getting drunk, and being this was my first session of true "drinking" I certainly didn't have much in the way of tolerance. So about 10:30 I start to feel really warm and light headed, and not so super anymore.

Someone, somehow said "dude, go take a quick shower, it will totally help" The only thing it helped was getting me closer to the bathroom, because I needed it. The shower didn't help other than to leave me with a soaking wet head while I puked all over the bathroom. Repeatedly. Now, if there is one thing a person who's suddenly violenly ill doesn't need to see, it's pools and pools of their own, bright red, Kool-Aid stained vomit. Words cannot even express how awful it was. I finally, mercifully passed out about 1 am, after throwing up 3 times, all of them violent.

Granted, that wasn't as bad as waking up 7 hours later, throwing up 3 more times, and spending the day in bed with the worst headache ever. In retrospect, I should be happy I woke up in my own bed, alive, and not covered in my own puke....

THAT, my friends, is why I don't drink vodka.

Stop. Talking. Really.

Seriously, I need a voice in my head that says that. Badly.

Unfortunately for me, I don't, therefore stuff comes out of my mouth, especially when I'm drunk, that shouldn't come out of my mouth, and I end up a) offending people and b) making myself look really dumb.

So, if you were around when I was in my little 20 minute fit last night after I got into a fight with the cab place dispatcher (yeah, how pathetic is that, I let some guy who makes 7 dollars an hour working the phones on a Saturday night get under my skin), I apologize, and I'm pathetic.

Needless to say, this is the second straight Sunday where I feel like an asshole as a result of things I said/did in a drunken fit. For whatever reason, I've had a real short fuse lately, and turned into an angry drunk, which isn't really like me. It's enough to make me wonder what the hell is wrong with me, b/c I have a great group of very good friends, who are all very good people, so it's definitely not that. It's not school, b/c I'm not even going this semester. I'm assuming that I must just be so stressed/fed up with my job that I'm venting it out at odd moments, like when I'm drunk. Either way, it's still annoying, and I can't imagine putting up with me on a regular basis right now.

Much Better....

Just for the record, I've learned how easy it is for a calzone from Tomaydo Tomahto to make my whole day go so much better. Also, it's absolutely beautiful outside, but really hot. However, to get that one hour reprieve from the claustrophobic office, I'll take a little bit of sweating around the unmentionables. Hopefully, it stays this night out so that I can enjoy it with a cocktail or three.

Also, I saw some of the quotes that made the AFI Top 100 List, and I have to say, that I was in a certain sense a bit disappointed. Granted, I'm not the most artsy person in the world, but there weren't a lot of funny movies quoted in there, and I know that the movies my friends and I quote the most often are comedies, not films made 30 years before I was born. True, I doubt that most of the people in charge of the AFI own Old School, Swingers, The Big Lebowski, or Van Wilder, but still......

Nevertheless, since I'm bored, I figured I'd post a few of my favorite quotes:

"She already left me once, I don't think she'd do it again just for kicks" George Clooney, Oceans 11

"Great idea Frank, one vagina for the rest of your life, congratulations" Vince Vaughn, Old School

"Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere" Ryan Reynolds, Van Wilder

"We got no jobs, we got no food, our pets heads are falling off!!" Jim Carrey, Dumb and Dumber

"I'm gonna make Gretzky's head bleed for super fan 99 over here" Vince Vaughn, Swingers

"Eight, Bob. So that means when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. My only real motivation is not to be hassled, that, and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired."
Ron Livingston, Office Space (tell me this isn't a definition of life for most of us)


So there, ingest, reflect, drink....2 hours till the weeknd...enjoy

Annoying

Let me start today by stating that I am NOT a babysitter. However, we have some new people that just joined our department that happen to be sitting right behind me. Not only are they completely lost and interrupting me to ask questions a lot, a couple of them are also the loud, excited to be in a new department type. This does not sit well with me on a Friday morning, for, as we all know, I am an impatient and unkind person.

Having said that, I'm sporting a pretty good headache today. And no, it's not from behing hungover. This time. So anymore comments about my drinking, well, save them for Monday.

Also, I'm apologizing up front to the city of Columbus, most notably the bars and the reception hall where the wedding I'm going to will be. I'm sorry for being drunk, retarded, and beligerent this coming Saturday. Hey, sometimes there is redemption in apologizing up front.

I wish I had something more interesting to write about, but sadly, I'm lame.

Additionally, I'm helping a co-worker come up with songs to play at their wedding, you know stuff that's fun and will get people up and dancing. I could use some suggestions, since most of my musical tastes are not all fun, happy party music.

11 Days Until Las Vegas

I Really Am Out of It

I must have really not been paying attention to my entertaiment and gossip sites.


Apparently Martha Stewart is taking over The Apprentice. Are you serious??? How did I miss this? Sadly, she's not releasing her "You're fired"-type catch phrase. I mean really, Marth f-ing Stewart? Was Katie Couric not available? What are the challenges going to be? Create fun and festive tableclothes? Design gift baskets for the poor? Perform successful insider trading deals without getting caught? Save Kmart from bankruptcy? Not that I watched the show before b/c I thought it was ridiculous, but come on.....

I think the catch phrase should be something along the lines of "Go Directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200" or...."Looks like you'll still be shopping at Kmart" while she smiles into the camera like a dope...

And This is Why Ibuprofen Was Invented

Kind of a rough morning over here kids. Went out with a couple of friends last night, had a few more than I should have, didn't roll in until a little before 1, courtesy of Drew and the Woodford girls. Well them and the left over beer from Saturday night. I didn't even really indulge myself, but apparently sleeping 5.5 hours and having a few cocktails isn't a recipe for feeling good in the morning.

You'd think at the age of 26 I'd have learned the phrase "No thanks, I need to go home and get some sleep" in our language, but obviously, I'm retarded.

Other than that, I have very little of interest to discuss today. I know I posted something earlier that I probably need to address, but this isn't a good time for it. Mabye another time kids.....