Weekend Viewing Schedule

I know it's a little late on Friday for something like this, but it occurred to me about 4.3 seconds ago that my friends and I always joke that TV cameras should follow us around, because we are without a doubt some of the most entertaining people we know. And hell, I'd watch us. But we' have to be on HBO or something, or the censors would kick us off after the first forty seconds of the first episode.

I only bring this up because this weekend is going to be some combination of tension and humor, to say the least. Here's how it shapes up.

Friday 6pm- Race for the Cup (Sports) Watch me drive home as fast as humanly possible without getting pulled over, all in the quest to get a much needed cocktail.

Saturday 12 Noon- Road Trip/Meet the Parents (Comedy) Megan and I driving back to PA for a wedding for one of her friends brothers (I think). Surprise! It's in her hometown. Fortunately I only have to meet her mother on this trip, and it's only for lunch. Allegedly low stress. However, between driving two hours to a place called Beaver, PA, and not having ever been on a road trip with her, I'm bound to say something stupid. It's what I do.

Saturday 6pm The Waiting Game (Reality) The wedding reception. I'm imagining that the ceremony won't be a big deal, because that's a quiet time. However, I'm not going to know a soul at the reception, and knowing that Megan hasn't seen her friends from home in weeks, I don't expect her to be there for me to talk to the whole time. That leaves me with her friends boyfriends, whom I'm going to have to pretend I have some interest in listening to them talk about the Steelers for oh, about 2 and a half hours until they get drunk enough to start chanting "Brownsssss Shuuuck" (extra letters added for drunken Pittsburghian slurring) and probably spitting Rolling Rock on me in the process. This will probably happen to the point where I will want to douse them in Jack, and light them on fire.

However, failing that, I will probably just try to swallow a lit candle, and chase it with a steak knife.

(To Megan's credit, she has endured all of my friends, and our inside/offensive jokes, and I intend on being as polite and normal as possible.)

Sunday 4PM Survivor (Reality) Bob and Carrie are having a Labor Day bonanza, featuring liquor left over from the wedding. It will also feature lots of food, cornhole, and something that Bob is calling Donkey Punch. Be afraid, be very afraid. This may lead to some 'situations' that might be better left to the bonus DVD as opposed to the network airing.