Sunday, April 30, 2006

We Are All Witnesses

I'm not happy about the fact that they lost tonight, or that they played like garbage, but I took this picture of the LeBron James thing downtown last night after we left the Indians game, and I felt like sharing:



It doesn't transfer real well, and I didn't get a great angle, since we were walking the other way, so I kind of had to run up the street and back, but it's still not bad. And honestly, it doesn't do the sheer enormity of it any justice....

Thursday, April 27, 2006

So I walked into work this morning, and on my desk was a letter. I'm not sure why, but Tom Cruise left a note on my desk, and asked me to put this out to the world. Why he didn't just use his publicist is beyond me. Granted, I think the note said something about his publicist not letting him speak in public b/c he thinks he's "unstable", but the note scrawled off into some kind of odd hieroglyphics after that. Anyways, here it is:

Planet Earth,

Greetings from the Kingdom of Lord Xenu! I'm sure many of you are wondering why you haven't heard much from Katie or I since the birth of our daughter Suri. Well, frankly, I've been very busy hyping MI 3 overseas, mostly because the studio thinks that the Europeans are more likely to go see it because they don't think I'm nearly as crazy as most of the American moviegoers do. As for Katie, well, I've encouraged her to extend the silent birth thing into a kind of silent motherhood thing. I think it's best for the baby to learn her Scientology teachings from me. Granted, I've heard Katie mumbling a few things about some kid named Dawson, and something about running away to some place called "Toledo", wherever that is. I've just ignored it though, even though our nanny said she thinks that Katie might have signs of postpartum depression. I fired her for that though, b/c 1) That doesn't even exist, there's no such thing as a chemical imbalance, and 2) We don't need that kind of negative energy around the kid.
Now, the real reason that I'm writing this is because of some of the recent speculation that I might not be the best parent because of my "beliefs" (or as I like to call it "my neverending knolwedge of the truth"). I mean really, look at some of the other awful celebrity parents that are out there. Seriously, look at Frances Bean Cobain. Her dad committed suicide, and her mother can't stay off the smack long enough to make a public appearance. I mean really, Courtney Love is a MESS people. And Frances is fine. She doens't even have a important, creative name.
And really, Brad and Angelina? First of all, they're having their baby in f*ing Namibia, away from the watchful eye and positive vibe of the papparazi. How stupid is that? Besides, didn't she drink Billy Bob Thornton's blood when they were married?
And don't even get me started on that Brittney chick. That fatty can't put down the Cheetos and Red Bull long enough to do anything. I mean really? Am I ever going to let my kid fall out of a high chair? Besides, Lord Xenu is totally watching over her, and that would never happen.
Anyways, I need to get back to my press junket now. I have to make sure that the public remembers that I'm the star of this movie. Not that Philip Seymour dude, who can totally act way better than me, but is so not the star that I am. I mean really. I'm Maverick. Plus, I don't think Katie is going back to work anytime soon. She's sitting in the corner of the hotel room right now rocking back and forth, whispering something about getting Prozac, which is so not good for the baby. I don't care if it's already been born.

All Praise Xenu

TomKat

Monday, April 24, 2006

Karma Strikes Back

Or my back, or whatever.

So, after making fun of Paul for breaking his finger after 5 minutes of basketball, and the usual mocking of Sarah for getting punched in the face playing football, karma decided to get it's revenge on me.

Actually it got revenge on my back. Painfully I might add. Now mind you, I've had a bad back pretty much all of my adult life, mostly because I have an extra vertebre, or one grew down lower into my body than it was supposed to. I really don't remember, but when I went to the chiropracter a couple of years ago, and they took X-rays, that's what was determined. I've really done a number on it a coupl eof times. Once in college, once about 2 years ago, and then Saturday.

Apparently, at the age of 27, being in the relatively lousy shape (mind you, I'm not in awful awful shape, but definitely the worst I've been), and playing football at 9 am on a Saturday is a bad combination.
Let's just say that the injury in question involved an interception by me (patting myeslf on the back) a short return, and a spin move (pulling a muscle or something in said back).
Oh, and it's our touch football league. For some reason I decided to pull out a spin move in TOUCH football. The lesson here? I'm retarded.
So, I spent most of yesterday on my back, not moving, and cringing every time I had to get up. Good times

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Sorry You Guys

I'm apolgizing for this up front, before y'all scroll down to see this.

We played basketball last night for a little over an hour. About 6 points into the first game, Paul kind of sort of caught a pass the wrong way. It dislocated his pinky finger. Somehow, he didn't even scream or make a big deal about it. He just had his brother take him to the hospital. Fortunately, he was kind enough to send us a picture message of what it looked like at the emergency room, which I will share now.....


















See? I told you. Not good times. Sorry Paul, at least I didn't throw that pass!

Monday, April 17, 2006

Sometimes you Just have to Laugh

Just to prove that I be on my way out and still have a sense of humor about it:




**It's probably a lot funnier to people who work here, but the gist is that my company (which is headquartered in Delaware, was bought by Bank of America, hence many of us losing our jobs now)

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Well, That Figures......

So I'm watching the Cavs get beat (nay: blown the hell out) by Detroit last night, and caught myself thinking "well, it's not that big of a deal, we're already locked into our playoff spot".

Then, Lebron went down.

Hopefully it's not that bad. Right now, they're saying ankle sprain. He's saying it's not that bad. Personally, I don't want to even see him on the floor for more than 10 minutes or so between now and Game 1 of the playoffs.

The thing is, I get the feeling that my reaction was pretty typical of any Cleveland sports fans' response to him getting injured.

It was basically me going "Oh Motherf***er!! Are you serious?!" Then, taking a moment and thinking "Well, that figures"

See? That's the thing. I just accepted it, that no matter how well things seem to be going for a Cleveland sports team, the sports gods refuse to allow us to get to the pinacle.

Now don't get me wrong, these Cavs weren't going to win a title this year. No one who's sane thinks that. But this was supposed to be the year that Lebron breaks through, gets us to the playoffs, and the team would have something to build on.

Now? We're a week-plus from the playoffs, Z is just coming back from a sprained ankle, Lebron just sprained his, and Larry Hughes is just starting to get his legs back, and still probably won't be all the way there when the playoffs roll around.

Again, it figures.

The thing is, it's been that way since here since I was born. Just look at the last 25 years. Jordan over Ehlo, The Drive, The Fumble, That Jose Mesa/Tony Fernandez debacle in the 97 series, and hell, everything that's happened to the Browns since 1999.

And yes, I know this stuff has all been covered before. I'm not coming up with some new, cute angle on it. I'm just saying, suffering is apparently the destiny of a Cleveland sports fan.

It's funny, b/c anywhere else you only hear about the fans of certain teams, not entire cities, being tortured. Like those insufferable, antagonizing Red Sox fans before they won their title.
Oh really, Boston fans? Those 3 Superbowls and 16 Celtics titles weren't enough? F. You.

Well, That Figures......

So I'm watching the Cavs get beat (nay: blown the hell out) by Detroit last night, and caught myself thinking "well, it's not that big of a deal, we're already locked into our playoff spot".

Then, Lebron went down.

Hopefully it's not that bad. Right now, they're saying ankle sprain. He's saying it's not that bad. Personally, I don't want to even see him on the floor for more than 10 minutes or so between now and Game 1 of the playoffs.

The thing is, I get the feeling that my reaction was pretty typical of any Cleveland sports fans' response to him getting injured.

It was basically me going "Oh Motherf***er!! Are you serious?!" Then, taking a moment and thinking "Well, that figures"

See? That's the thing. I just accepted it, that no matter how well things seem to be going for a Cleveland sports team, the sports gods refuse to allow us to get to the pinacle.

Now don't get me wrong, these Cavs weren't going to win a title this year. No one who's sane thinks that. But this was supposed to be the year that Lebron breaks through, gets us to the playoffs, and the team would have something to build on.

Now? We're a week-plus from the playoffs, Z is just coming back from a sprained ankle, Lebron just sprained his, and Larry Hughes is just starting to get his legs back, and still probably won't be all the way there when the playoffs roll around.

Again, it figures.

The thing is, it's been that way since here since I was born. Just look at the last 25 years. Jordan over Ehlo, The Drive, The Fumble, That Jose Mesa/Tony Fernandez debacle in the 97 series, and hell, everything that's happened to the Browns since 1999.

And yes, I know this stuff has all been covered before. I'm not coming up with some new, cute angle on it. I'm just saying, suffering is apparently the destiny of a Cleveland sports fan.

It's funny, b/c anywhere else you only hear about the fans of certain teams, not entire cities, being tortured. Like those insufferable, antagonizing Red Sox fans before they won their title.
Oh really, Boston fans? Those 3 Superbowls and 16 Celtics titles weren't enough? F. You.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Nothing Wrong Except......

Apparently, Brittney's kid keeps garnering visits from Child Services......

An excerpt from the story:

Spears' attorney, Martin Singer, said in a statement that the hospital made a report to the Department of Children and Family Services as required by state law.

"DCFS immediately responded and determined there was no problem and no reason to open a formal investigation. They determined that the parents weren't involved in the injury and nothing was improper within the home," he said

Nothing wrong, except for the corn rowed, no talent, chain smoking white boy that claimed to be the father.

Two visits from Child Services before the kid hits the 6 month mark? Nice work, Brit.

Granted, if I was Child Services, I'd have someone sitting outside that house FBI survellience style pretty much all the time. But that's just me.

These guys are starting to make Courtney Love look like a competent parent. Just kidding. She's still completely batshit crazy.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Long Live Jack!

Keifer Sutherland just signed on for another 3 years of 24.

Best. News. Ever.

My Liver is Filing for Divorce---

I'm not sure if it was the half a pitcher of margarita's, the Captain that I drank before we left, or the shot of Jager at the end of the night, but my stomach was beyond angry with me Sunday morning.
Granted, the fact that we started drinking at 2 o'clock on Saturday may have had something to do with that. In my defense though, I had to keep drinking to allow myself to ignore the girl at the bar who kept trying to take out my knees with her crutches in some lame attempt to flirt with me.
(Memo to Steph on this one-if you have to say a girl has "perfect eyebrows" as a way of complimenting her, that's probably a sign that she's not that cute. Sorry)

For entertainment purposes:

If you watched The Office on April Fool's day, you remember the PSA's they had with the actors from the show? The show's website has all of them, plus quite a few more that haven't aired yet. Check them out here.. Hilarious to say the least

Also, don't forget, new 24 tonight! I linked the trailer again. How many more weeks until we get to see Jack kick President Crybaby in the ribs? Or just shoot out his knees. I get the feeling that on the level of good fights, that wouldn't be one of them.

Also, if you're hunting for something fun but chill to listen to at work, check out Gnarls Barkley. They were featured on an ep of Grey's a couple of weeks ago. I'm not sure what the story on this band is, as far as who's actually in it, but I know any time Danger Mouse gets involved, something unique usually comes out of it.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Random Thoughts

At least it's Friday. Too bad it's raining for the Indians home opener. Oh wait, I'm not going, so I guess it's not that big of a deal for me. But I do feel bad for all the people that will be going if it does get rained out. Granted, rain won't close the bars......

Oh, if anyone wants to buy my a present, this would be a nice addition to my tshirt collection.

I'm glad to see the Cardinals are off to a 3-0 start, but I'm not believing anything until October rolls around. They've taunted me for two years now, and I'm not about to fall into that trap again.

Also, on Yahoo! There's a trailer for next week's episode of 24. It certainly looks like Secretary of Defense Heller might be making a reappearance, which would be spectacular.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Warning! 24 Semi-Spoiler

If you haven't watched yet this week, you may want to skip this. I'll try not to give too much away, but I want to offer a theory or two on what's going on......
My general reaction to this weeks' episode? Holy Crap.

The whole Wayne Palmer coming back and helping with the operation? Amazing.

The last scene, when we see who's ultimately behind all of this? Are you serious? Logan? The spineless wonder of a President?

I was discussing this whole thing with Drew last night (you know, since we're moderately obsessed), and we couldn't come up with a good reason for why the President, of all people, would be behind all of this, or how he orchestrated it without anyone finding out. So I started kicking around some theories/premises, whatever you want to call them.

So here's my personal/general theory on the whole thing. Mind you, there's some holes in it that I imagine may or may not be filled in by the writers in the next 2-3 weeks.

Here's my thoughts. First off, I think it started with the plot centered around the Centax gas. Logan is a guy who's supremely worried about public opinion, and how things look to the American people, and how history is going to remember him. Remember, he's not an elected President. He took over after President Keeler was shot down in Air Force One during season 4. He knew there was a prevailing feeling (though not publicly, but within his own administration) that David Palmer held a great deal of the responsibility for getting the country through the last crisis. By manufacturing a crisis, and then dealing with it effectively, he shows his own strength and ability in dealing with a situation such as this. That, or he's fallen into this whole "I'm a patriot" thing that Cummings and Henderson have both been spewing.
How do the other players fit into this though? Well, as we saw last season, Cummings was more than willing to do the Presidents dirty work, as in ordering Jack's murder. I believe now that he committed suicide b/c he knew all along that the President was the man behind this, and killed himself to prevent ever having to give up that information. It was a risk he assumed when he involved himself in this plot.
What about Jack? Well, I have a feeling that we're going to find out down the line that Logan had managed to find out that Jack was still alive. That's very plausible. Once he found this out, the rest became easy. Framing him for Palmer's murder makes everything else a piece of cake. One, it elimiates Palmer, who was about to expose the plot. Two, it eliminates Jack in one way or another. Either he's going to be killed, or imprisioned as a traitor. That alone would eliminate any heat that may have been felt by the Chinese, should they ever find out Jack was still alive. Killing of Jack's friends, well that was just to help draw Jack out of hiding, to aid in the killing or capture for Palmers assasination.

So it's a loose theory, but it makes sense.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Was that....

Chris freaking O'Donnell?

As in-School Ties, the two really bad Batman movies Chris O'Donnell?

Grey's Anatomy, now you're just f'ing with my head. Seriously.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Sharda, drunk, champagne, etc

Yeah, We're at Sharda's, and there's multiple bloggers here. Danielle is singing 80's songs in my ears. I have had wayyyyyyyy to much Captain, and I am definitely definitely the only guy here with 12 girls. That's fine though. Oh, and we're listening to 80s tunes. Lots of them. But as long as Sharda takes her shirt off, we'll be fine. Sarah and Danielle say hello. Oh....you all missed the Kris Kross incident. Drunk blogging+hot chicks+hors= superterificfun. Write that down. PS, Sarah has the worst bruise ever on her face. Don't ask.