A short one....

Wow,

I just reread my post from yesterday, and managed to even depress myself. So there won't be anymore of that. What's done is done, all I can do is try to be a better person and stop and think before I open my mouth going forward.

That being said, let's move on to more amusing things.

I think I got the most amusing Google hit on my blog since I started it:

Tom Cruise idiot crybaby asshole

I couldn't agree more.

In light of the fact that I was depressing yesterday, (or this morning) depending on when you read my last post, I feel like I owe a light hearted story from my younger (and more retarded days).

While at the wedding on Saturday, or more precisely, while at the open bar, somebody asked me if I wanted to do a shot with them. I, being an alcoholic, accepted, but with the stipulation "as long as it isn't vodka, I can't do it." The person standing at the bar with me said "What? Why not? Vodka's easy"

That brings me to the story. You know how everyone has that story about the first time they got drunk? Mine involves vodka. Lots of it. And it wasn't the good stuff, like Grey Goose or Absolut or Skyy. No, it was my freshman year of college, so we were going bargain basement booze. Korski and Colonial Club vodka. Now, if you aren't familiar with those brands, please, for the love of God, don't ever become so.

Now, the way this shakes down is pretty damn entertaining. Neither my two roomates or I drank in high school, so we were all a little nervous to be giving this a shot. So, one of the older guys, who happened to be a connisseur of cheap vodka, said that since he was going to be hanging out with us anyways, he would keep an eye on us and make sure nobody put themselves in a coma or anything like that. Okay, fair enough, sounds like a plan, right?

Wrong.

Once we acquired copious amounts of said cheap alcohol, and the requisite amount of cherry Kool-Aid to mix with it, we were set for good times..

Did I just say cherry Kool-Aid? Yes. Yes I did. As if the cheap vodka wasn't enough to make us look pathetic, we were mixing with Kool-Aid. Apparently, I couldn't find any Tang or generic OJ.

We started out innocently enough, mixing our cocktails in large, Speedway fountain drink plastic cups and playing euchre. (Really does it get any more Midwest than that?) Now, the one thing that we forgot to account for was that, as we got intoxicated, so was our "mentor", thereby making him less likely to "keep an eye on us". As it stood, about two hours into this ordeal we started to get relatively loopy. Not understanding that alcohol takes a bit of time to get into the system and have it's effect, I thought I was doing amazingly well, b/c I barely even felt a buzz.

It was at this point that our more senior member disappeared, and I subsequently acquainted myself with the BOTTLE of Colonial Club. When I say acquainted, I mean I parked my butt on the couch, decided I didn't need anymore Kool-Aid, and started drinking straight from the bottle, thinking that I was being sneaky, but not at all so in reality. Now mind you, I was already getting drunk, and being this was my first session of true "drinking" I certainly didn't have much in the way of tolerance. So about 10:30 I start to feel really warm and light headed, and not so super anymore.

Someone, somehow said "dude, go take a quick shower, it will totally help" The only thing it helped was getting me closer to the bathroom, because I needed it. The shower didn't help other than to leave me with a soaking wet head while I puked all over the bathroom. Repeatedly. Now, if there is one thing a person who's suddenly violenly ill doesn't need to see, it's pools and pools of their own, bright red, Kool-Aid stained vomit. Words cannot even express how awful it was. I finally, mercifully passed out about 1 am, after throwing up 3 times, all of them violent.

Granted, that wasn't as bad as waking up 7 hours later, throwing up 3 more times, and spending the day in bed with the worst headache ever. In retrospect, I should be happy I woke up in my own bed, alive, and not covered in my own puke....

THAT, my friends, is why I don't drink vodka.