So I kept trying to come up with something at least moderately worth posting today, but couldn't seem to shake of the Debbie Downer mode that I woke up in this morning for anything.
Maybe it's the fact that my furnace contiunes to move between not running, or running continuously, thereby leaving my apartment temperature fluctuating betwee 55 degrees and 70 degrees all night.
Maybe it's the snow. Or the cold I can feel coming on just in time for the weekend.
Maybe it's the fact that I'm desperately in need of a job that stimulates my mind and actually challenges some of the talents that I seem to be wasting as I sit here blogging about nothing whatsoever.
Maybe it's the stupid dream I had last night whereby Megan calls me, tells me that said "guy that she says she wasn't dating but is almost certainly seeing now" is no longer in the picture, that she made a mistake, and wants to fix stuff up. Better yet, it's probably waking up, realizing that if reality is the zip code I live in here in Ohio, then that dream is residing somewhere in a zip code on the moon, providing the moon actually had f'ing zip codes.
Then again, it's probably mostly that I feel sad and pathetic for not being able to just put the whole thing in the past, chalk it up as a learning experience, and get on with things. We ended things over 3 weeks ago, talked once about 2 weeks ago, and haven't had so much of a correspondance since, save for a couple of forwards she sent me a couple days after that conversation.
If anything, shouldn't letting go of the whole damn thing be easy, considering I definitely feel like I was the one who was wronged? Don't get me wrong, I made my mistakes too, but it was her call to bring someone else into the situation, and take things the direction they went. If that's what I believe, then why do I want anything to do with her?
It's like having your favorite team make the playoffs, only to blow it every year. You think this year is the one, that it will be different than all the other seasons that let you down, that the little flaws will be overshadowed by the ways that they are superior in every way, then, when you least expect it, you get completely f'ing blindsided with some kind of monumental let down. And yet, despite feeling cheated, betrayed, and completely screwed over, you keep coming back for more.
Trust me, I don't get it either. Again, I'm pathetic.
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5 comments:
oh Buddy, you need a vacation...you should come see the mountains some time...they come with snow bunnies! -T
Oh Gordo, just because it was her fault doesn't mean you automatically stop caring. Hello-this is exactly my life for the past year. What we need to do is think about spring coming soon and then summer and then Put In Bay. Seriously. Bring it on.
Is Sarah seriously cheering you up with a Put In Bay promise 8 months away. That is awesome! She is planning her bad behavior 8 months earlier! God, I can't wait. Woody better be scared.
Gordo, you are a great guy. It takes time. And vacations. -Steph
Gordo-
you are allowed to be sad and upset. You are not pathetic! I'm still dealing with the loss of her, so I know you have to be!
Seriously, PIB. Carlson in PIB....that will fix everything.
I wish it was that easy as well.
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