Sickly

Well, how's this for a turn of events?

So, somewhere along the line, within the last hour or so, while I was having a drink with some friends, I started to feel sick. Not like a little sick, either. More like, drop to your knees stomach pain and throwing up sick.

I have no idea what I ate, or what I did to myself, but I haven't felt this awful in a long freaking time. Maybe it's just the culmination of stress and not sleeping enough, etc etc, but man, not good times. Hopefully, I'll feel better soon, b/c there are somethings I'd really like to do this weekend.....

Cleaning up

Yeah, I know, again, a week plus without a post. Listen, it took me three days to waddle to my computer after the copious amounts that I ate Sunday, Monday and Tuesday while at home, so tough luck.

It's not like a lot is happening though, it's the end of the year, there hasn't been a darn thing good on TV in a while, everything has been on reruns for the holidays, so I haven't even got anything that's been on to talk about.

Well, except this, maybe:



I don't even have words for this. I know I've made my remarks about Timberlake in the past, and well, I still don't really care for his style of music, but really, this may be the funniest thing I've ever seen.

And yes, I've been watching this instead of finding a job. Classy, I know.

Christmas was pretty standard, which is why I don't have a ton to say about it. We see most of our relatives on Thanksgiving, so Christmas is just me and my parents. In a way it's nice, b/c it's totally low key, and I'm not bouncing around to 9 different houses like some of my friends have to. However, it does mean fewer presents, and we all know how I feel about that. Bad.

The Sounds.....

Well, I got tagged to talk about what I'm listening to right now. I can tell you right now I'm not going to have 7 people to tag back with this, so I'm a total chain breaker, I know, I suck. So let's see, what seven songs am I listening to a lot right now?

1) This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race- Fall Out Boy
2) White Unicorn- Wolfmother
3) Where We Gonna Go From Here - Mat Kearney
4) Just a Thought - Gnarls Barkley
5) Waitress - Live
6) You're All I Have - Snow Patrol
7) Thunderstruck - AC/DC

I probably could have kept going on this one.....
I'm not going to force anyone's hand on this, feel free to jump on board if you want.....

Moving Forward

I reread that post and realized that it might have sounded, I don't know, a tad on the angry side. That honestly wasn't directed at most of the peolple that I know read this blog. Most of you are good friends in some way, and have been supportive of me as I've gone through all the stuff that's happened this year. Most of the people who have doubted me are people from my past professional life, and people in my personal life that I've put far behind me, for obvious reasons.

So, that's that.

I AM done with school though. Graduated, etc. Well, not technically graduated, but I never have to take another class again. So that's the good news.

Last nights final was no picnic, that's for sure. I handed in my blue book (yeah, really, a blue book, in grad school) and said to the professor "Well played sir, well played" And left.

Today is the true catharsis of the whole thing, where I get to throw out all of my old papers and what not. That's the most fun. That, and listing my books on Amazon so I can get some money out of them.

This is the End, my Only Friend, the End.....

My last final ever ended 6 hours ago. I'm done. I have my MBA. I acheived, in spite of those who said I couldn't, who said I wouldn't.

I made it, on my own, of my own volition. To those who tried to stop me, who tried to hurt me along the way.....you can't. You won't. You never will. To the people who pretended to care when it was really all about their own personal gain...I know. You're sad, you're fake, and for the garbage pain you've inflicted on me, may you get it back tenfold.

Crammed

Today is it. D-Day. Last final. Ever. You know, unless I can't find a job and decide to go back for my doctorate. Right, so that's not very likely.

Tonight is the worst of the lot though, Corporate Finance. And the fact is, it's not even that I'm tired, but I'm just so worn down, pysically, emotionally, and mentally from all the stuff that's been going on around me for the last few weeks that studying is literally almost painful, and my usual day of cram session is pretty much turning to mush.

I'm certainly not going to be getting all negative right now, I can't afford that, I have to keep pushing forward and hoping for the best. In 5.5 hours, this will be over, for better or for worse.

I feel like I'm going to puke.

Coming to the Finish Line...Sort of....

So this is it. The last week (allegedly) of my academic career. I turned in one take home final earlier today, am in the process of finishing another one, then have only a project (which is f'ing huge) and a pair of tests to undertake.

I'm already tired. The body of a 27 year old doesn't battle like it used to, that's for sure. I could go on 5 hours of sleep for days in a row, and now, I feel like I HAVE to get a full 8 hours or I'm going to be useless the next day. I know I can do it for a few days in a row, and I'm tougher than I give myself credit for, but its a mental block I seem to be having a tought time with.

I'm scared though. Honestly. There is a lot of uncertainty that follows this, and really, I still have to graduate. It's not in the bag yet. I have a lot of crap to do over the next three days, a lot of information to process, and a lot to worry about still. Monday, my real job search begins, when I can be done stressing about all this school stuff, and I have no idea what that holds. I could very easily be in another city, far away from my friends and family, a mere 30-60 days from now. And you guys know me, I don't always do uncertainty very well. And change isn't really my friend either.

Leaving would be giving up a lot, and it IS something I have to accept as a possibility. The thing is, my friends are all here, my family is close by, and there is a lot to love about this town, even as much as people try to say that it's not a great place to live.

That being said, if the right opportunity presents itself, I have to consider it. Money isn't the end all of life for me, but the fact is, after I've worked for 5 years, learned more about what I am capable of, and what I do bring to the table on a professional basis, and after getting my MBA, I know what I think I'm worth, and I have to pursue that.

It's just a lot to think about, especially considering that I should be studying right now, that's all.

Since Its Somewhat of A Blizzard.

And, because Sarah keeps preaching about the Peter Cetera Christmas album, I figured I'd do a little searching for something much cooler. Note, this is mostly b/c I don't want to work on my take home finals anymore. They really suck, you guys, seriously.

But, Sarah, I see your Peter Cetera, and I raise you THIS


Seriously. That's so much cooler. Not that I would EVER buy it.

Apparently sick, as well as Exhausted......

You know how I know I'm depressed?

I spent 40$ at Target. For the second time this week.

Twice you guys. Seriously.

Nothing soothes like buying inane household objects and holiday themed snacky-things.

I mean, really, I spent $40 and got:

DayQuil (b/c I'm sick now)
Tea (ditto)
A Lamp (to replace the one I broke last night in my drunken stupor)
An Orange Crush t-shirt (b/c dorky clothing also cheers me up)
Pizza flavored Goldfish crackers (cause I'm a fatty)
Mint Hershey kisses (see above ref to holiday themed snacks)

And you know what? I don't feel any fucking better. Hopefully the tea will help, at least. It has chamomile. I have no idea what that is, but I want it.

Exhausted

So this is literally the third or fourth night in the row that I've gotten practically no sleep. You'd think for the hangover I have right now that I'd have gotten more than 3 hours of sleep last night.

Not true.

I just feel pretty beat down right now. There's a lot of things that seem like they are moving in the wrong direction, which isn't a good thing with only 2 weeks left of school.

I might stop blogging for a while too, not that I've been doing it all that much.
It just seems like all I've been using it for lately is another outlet for negative thoughts.

What's the worst is that the Browns are actually playing well right now, and I can't even enjoy that due to certain circumstances regarding the game. Just sucks. That's all.

You know, In Case you Were Wondering

Yes, things got worse yesterday.

Remember when I was kind of annoyed about being caught outside with no shoes and no jacket in a freezing downpoor? So, what could have possibly gone wrong after that? I turned my paper in, sat through a dull class, and then what?

I got locked out.

No, not "forgot my keys" locked out. I have a door that only locks from the inside now. The key for the dead bolt won't catching when using it from the outside. So, I'll be doing a little home repair today. Super.
So, at 10PM last night, I'm frozen, soaked, and hungry, and standing inches from my kitchen. WITH NO WAY TO GET IN!
And of course, the only other way into my house is to get on my deck and pop in through a window in the living room. Problem is, I'm on the second floor, and my landlord is never home anymore to let me come up the front stairs of the house.

Fortunately, Drew and Diane were kind enough to give me a place to stay. Drew had one of my old contact cases and they gave me a tooth brush. (Incidently, you guys are right, those sheets ARE amazing)
So, not knowing when my landlord will be home, I got up this morning, went to Home Depot, strapped a 20 foot aluminum ladder to the roof of the Maxima, and brought it home. Climbed it, barefoot, in the rain, with noone to hold the ladder, and got onto my deck, and into the house.
But, now that I'm showered, at least I feel a little bit better. Really, who else could this happen to? Seriously.

On another, unrelated note, and this doesn't apply to anyone specific I don't think, but I'm learning that a true measure of someone's friendship is their willingness to meet you half way in an argument. Sometimes, we get so wrapped up in "I was right" or "I know how I meant to say something" that we could care less for the impact of our words on the reciever. Sometimes, we want so badly to be right, or to be the stubborn one, that we could care less for the consequences, and we lose sight of the big picture. And sometimes, we get so mad at a person for something they said, that even when they say they're sorry, and they've done their part to make it right, we still can't be bothered, b/c we're still too self-important. And another thought, friendships aren't measured by the things you've done in the past, they're better gauged by how you treat someone in the present.

Eh, that's enough. I need to eat and go play Bob Villa....super.