As much as I don't normally want to admit it, I'm a control freak. Those of you that have known me for a long time already pretty much know this. I don't like situations where things are left up to "fate" or "whatever happens" or other people, b/c I don't trust most people as far as I can throw them. I like situations where I at least have some measure of influence, and unfortunately, the reality is, that is not most things in life.
On top of it, I don't half ass most things. This actually probably gets me in more trouble than being a control freak. Unfortunately, a lot of people seem to be completely okay with indifference, which is fine for them, but sometimes it affects others, and that's where I get in trouble. It explains why I'm so hard on myself, and why I'm so competitive. I think it also somewhat explains why a lot of my relationships, at least the ones where I get emotionally involved, end up trainwrecking. It frustrates me very much to put effort into something that is going nowhere, or when someone else is putting in half the effort that I do. It's that sense of someone taking something for granted that makes me resent people sometimes. I have no problem being patient and letting things develop, in that regard, but once it's there, I tend to expect someone to put forth as much effort as I do.
Trust me, I wish I didn't care about stuff as much as I did, and that I could just let go of things. But, it's not how I'm wired.
Sorry for being all introspective and thinky, guys, I promise, I'll try and keep a lid on it.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
wow, i miss a little of your blog and you go from angry drunk, to celebratory sports fan, to philosopher. I don't even know you anymore...oh, oh, oh, if i don't even know you anymore and we all know how much you love "new" girls I think I have a chance! -Steph
Post a Comment