A Band-aid Covers the Bullethole

Alright, I admit, I stole the title of this entry from an episode of Grey's from about 2 weeks ago.

That's not the point.

I'll go on record with a warning right now. This post won't be funny, or intellectual, or any of the above. This is going to be all thinky and feely and uncomfortable. So a good portion of y'all might stop right about here.

Why did I choose this as a post title? Good question.

She came back. In some kind of karmic, "thanks for making peace with one of your old ex's, now try this one on for size" Megan started contacting me last week. It started innocently. Allegedly. Last Monday, a text message that simply said "hello" that led to exchanging texts for about 2 hours. Then, Tuesday, a morning email about a dream she had that involved a friend of mine. That lead to emailing and texting all day. Wednesday, she called, saying she was tired of sending text messages. Another phone call on Thursday, this time from me in repsonse to a text message. Then Friday, at 2 AM, she calls. We talk, but not about anything important.

The whole time, she says just wants to be friends, allegedly. Here's the thing, she made the efforts on multiple occassions, to be friends??
Didn't seem likely. So last night I called her on it. Asked right up front "How are you going to feel if I tell you about dating other pepole, are you okay with that?" She said no. I said, then you don't want to be friends. I tell her there must be more to it. She says it doesn't matter, that she's moving back to Pittsburgh or something, or far away from Cleveland, as soon as she can secure a position, and knows I'm not leaving Cleveland for anything. Says she hates it here. The rest of the conversation trail is pretty hard to follow, and I'm not sure where we left things. Obviously we're not together, but beyond that I don't know if I'll hear from her or not.

The bottom line? A friendship was a band-aid for a bullethole. It's nice to be able to be civil to each other, and talk, but eventually it's going to go bad and bleed out. Should I have been more patient? Maybe, but the fact is, once she made multiple contacts with me, I assumed that she wanted something.

The truly awful part? 2 months of progressing towards getting past it killed off in a few days. Square f'ing One over here.

Fact is, it's nobody's fault but mine. I never should have convinced myself she wanted anything.

Talking myself into it just opened up the bullet hole.