Days Until I'm Unemployed: 106 (July 14th)
Well, the official countdown starts today. My department is shutting down, and those of us that don't choose to, or aren't able to, find other opportunities with the company are out.
I'll be unemployed. Out of work. A virtual vagabond.
I have 2 bachelors degrees, and I almost have my masters. I'm reasonably intelligent, talented, and relatively motivated.
And now? I'm screwed.
I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't have a good plan. I've said I can do this, or that, or the other thing, but I don't know for sure what I'm going to do. I'll get a severance, and there's always unemployment, and I'm sure I can find a job if I need to.
But here's the thing: I've spent the better part of the last 4-5 years doing stuff I don't like. I want to do something I enjoy, or at least, find challenging next. However, I'm scared that I won't find something I like, or won't be able to get the job I want.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Monday, March 27, 2006
Today's List
Things Making My Day Better Today
1) My new Jack Johnson bootleg, circa 2001, courtesy of Sharda. It's a really really good disc. It's clear sounding, there's no background noise, and it's got a bunch of Brushfire Fairtales songs on it. Bonus points for the partial covers of Garden Grove (Sublime) and Who Do You Love? (George Thorogood). Good times. I owe you for that one, Sharda
2) A new episode of 24 tonight. Seriously, the show is like my little piece of crack for the week. Of course, watching it also means ordering food from Angelo's, playing Xbox 360, and probably at least a beer or two. And yes, I promise I'm 27, not 19.
3) Diane's b-day party on Saturday was a rockin good time, to say the least. Highlights included Sarah drinking an entire LARGE bottle of Arbor Mist (really, who's 19?), Kareoke Revolution (PS-I. Can't. Sing. At. All) and an ill-fated experiment with chocolate vodka. Good times
Things Not Working Out Today-
1) Work. Or better yet, incompetance. Here's a tip. When you get a big office and a fancy job title, and make more money, people surprisingly expect things. Telling the entire floor of people to call the help desk when we're having a system freeze up isn't a solution. It's passing the buck.
2) Cold- I think I caught Diane's. Thanks. First you toss me under the bus, then you get me sick. Want to shoot out my winshield while your at it?
3) My bracket completely fell apart over the weekend. Thursday night I was in great shape, in very good position to win. By Saturday night, I wouldn't have wiped my backside with that thing. To make this worse, everyone paid me for it on St. Patty's day, and in my stupor, I spent a chunk of the money. Nice work moron.
1) My new Jack Johnson bootleg, circa 2001, courtesy of Sharda. It's a really really good disc. It's clear sounding, there's no background noise, and it's got a bunch of Brushfire Fairtales songs on it. Bonus points for the partial covers of Garden Grove (Sublime) and Who Do You Love? (George Thorogood). Good times. I owe you for that one, Sharda
2) A new episode of 24 tonight. Seriously, the show is like my little piece of crack for the week. Of course, watching it also means ordering food from Angelo's, playing Xbox 360, and probably at least a beer or two. And yes, I promise I'm 27, not 19.
3) Diane's b-day party on Saturday was a rockin good time, to say the least. Highlights included Sarah drinking an entire LARGE bottle of Arbor Mist (really, who's 19?), Kareoke Revolution (PS-I. Can't. Sing. At. All) and an ill-fated experiment with chocolate vodka. Good times
Things Not Working Out Today-
1) Work. Or better yet, incompetance. Here's a tip. When you get a big office and a fancy job title, and make more money, people surprisingly expect things. Telling the entire floor of people to call the help desk when we're having a system freeze up isn't a solution. It's passing the buck.
2) Cold- I think I caught Diane's. Thanks. First you toss me under the bus, then you get me sick. Want to shoot out my winshield while your at it?
3) My bracket completely fell apart over the weekend. Thursday night I was in great shape, in very good position to win. By Saturday night, I wouldn't have wiped my backside with that thing. To make this worse, everyone paid me for it on St. Patty's day, and in my stupor, I spent a chunk of the money. Nice work moron.
Monday, March 20, 2006
A Band-aid Covers the Bullethole
Alright, I admit, I stole the title of this entry from an episode of Grey's from about 2 weeks ago.
That's not the point.
I'll go on record with a warning right now. This post won't be funny, or intellectual, or any of the above. This is going to be all thinky and feely and uncomfortable. So a good portion of y'all might stop right about here.
Why did I choose this as a post title? Good question.
She came back. In some kind of karmic, "thanks for making peace with one of your old ex's, now try this one on for size" Megan started contacting me last week. It started innocently. Allegedly. Last Monday, a text message that simply said "hello" that led to exchanging texts for about 2 hours. Then, Tuesday, a morning email about a dream she had that involved a friend of mine. That lead to emailing and texting all day. Wednesday, she called, saying she was tired of sending text messages. Another phone call on Thursday, this time from me in repsonse to a text message. Then Friday, at 2 AM, she calls. We talk, but not about anything important.
The whole time, she says just wants to be friends, allegedly. Here's the thing, she made the efforts on multiple occassions, to be friends??
Didn't seem likely. So last night I called her on it. Asked right up front "How are you going to feel if I tell you about dating other pepole, are you okay with that?" She said no. I said, then you don't want to be friends. I tell her there must be more to it. She says it doesn't matter, that she's moving back to Pittsburgh or something, or far away from Cleveland, as soon as she can secure a position, and knows I'm not leaving Cleveland for anything. Says she hates it here. The rest of the conversation trail is pretty hard to follow, and I'm not sure where we left things. Obviously we're not together, but beyond that I don't know if I'll hear from her or not.
The bottom line? A friendship was a band-aid for a bullethole. It's nice to be able to be civil to each other, and talk, but eventually it's going to go bad and bleed out. Should I have been more patient? Maybe, but the fact is, once she made multiple contacts with me, I assumed that she wanted something.
The truly awful part? 2 months of progressing towards getting past it killed off in a few days. Square f'ing One over here.
Fact is, it's nobody's fault but mine. I never should have convinced myself she wanted anything.
Talking myself into it just opened up the bullet hole.
That's not the point.
I'll go on record with a warning right now. This post won't be funny, or intellectual, or any of the above. This is going to be all thinky and feely and uncomfortable. So a good portion of y'all might stop right about here.
Why did I choose this as a post title? Good question.
She came back. In some kind of karmic, "thanks for making peace with one of your old ex's, now try this one on for size" Megan started contacting me last week. It started innocently. Allegedly. Last Monday, a text message that simply said "hello" that led to exchanging texts for about 2 hours. Then, Tuesday, a morning email about a dream she had that involved a friend of mine. That lead to emailing and texting all day. Wednesday, she called, saying she was tired of sending text messages. Another phone call on Thursday, this time from me in repsonse to a text message. Then Friday, at 2 AM, she calls. We talk, but not about anything important.
The whole time, she says just wants to be friends, allegedly. Here's the thing, she made the efforts on multiple occassions, to be friends??
Didn't seem likely. So last night I called her on it. Asked right up front "How are you going to feel if I tell you about dating other pepole, are you okay with that?" She said no. I said, then you don't want to be friends. I tell her there must be more to it. She says it doesn't matter, that she's moving back to Pittsburgh or something, or far away from Cleveland, as soon as she can secure a position, and knows I'm not leaving Cleveland for anything. Says she hates it here. The rest of the conversation trail is pretty hard to follow, and I'm not sure where we left things. Obviously we're not together, but beyond that I don't know if I'll hear from her or not.
The bottom line? A friendship was a band-aid for a bullethole. It's nice to be able to be civil to each other, and talk, but eventually it's going to go bad and bleed out. Should I have been more patient? Maybe, but the fact is, once she made multiple contacts with me, I assumed that she wanted something.
The truly awful part? 2 months of progressing towards getting past it killed off in a few days. Square f'ing One over here.
Fact is, it's nobody's fault but mine. I never should have convinced myself she wanted anything.
Talking myself into it just opened up the bullet hole.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Why My Birthday was Fun.....I think......Maybe?
Well.
I'm pretty sure that the fog from my hangover is starting to clear just a little bit. Very little.
Let's just say that last night was ridiculous. Check that. Saying that does a disservice to ridiculous.
We started out with drinks, margarits mostly, at Crazy Ritas. There was about 20 people there, and it was a blast. I have to say that I don't think I appreciate some of my friends as much as I should, it was really nice to have everyone there, and celebrate with everyone.
Something really interesting happened though while I was there. So we're sitting up on the little back area, which is kind of elevated a few feet over the rest of the bar. We had pretty much taken it over. I was standing kind of against the wall, just looking around the bar, checking out the crowd. And I see Bethany f'ing Borger.....
Who?
Bethany. Let's try and make this simple. She was like Megan, before Megan existed in my world. In other words, she was someone I was with for a good amount of time, things ended pretty badly, mostly b/c I'm an ass, and needed to grow up, (probably still do, thanks guys, really). Why is this weird? Becuase we broke up all the way back in 2003, before my old roomates got engaged, married, had kids. Before she finished school, before I moved to Lakewood and started grad school.
Literally, it was that long ago, pretty much like a lifetime. And the girl lives at home, 5 minutes away from me, and I hadn't run into her yet. And westside Cleveland ain't that big.
I guess the thing that's wierd about it is that I hadn't given her much of a thought once Megan came along or even for quite some time before that. But until then, I wondered how I would react. I was bitter about the way things ended for a long time. As much for my role in it and the way it went down, and the way I handled it (poorly), as anything.
So when I saw her, it was wierd. But not bad. Just different. It was fine actually. Maybe it was the 3 drinks I had already had, or the fact that I wasn't going to mope on my birthday, or that someone had really crushed me more recently, and you can only really hold a bitterness for one person at a time.
That, or maybe I just realized that she was my friend for over a year before we dated, that until it ended we had a lot of fun together, and that really, she's a genuinely good person with a huge heart, who really meant well pretty much all the time. Hindsight being what it is, I would have left me too. I wasn't a great person to be around back then. I needed to grow up.
So, I did the right thing. I went and said hello. We talked, caught up on each others careers, families, friends of each others that we had grown fond of while we were together. We laughed a little bit, talked about how everyone changes a lot in 4 years, especially at our age, and that was it. She saw people coming up to say happy birthday, wished me one as well, we said it was good to see each other, and that was it. I went over and said good bye to her before we moved on to the next bar, bought her a drink, and told her maybe I'll see her again in another 4 yeras......
And then yesterday, of all things, I was messing around online, and saw her instant messenger account was active. Why I had instant messenger on is beyond me. It logs me in when I turn the computer on and I just leave it up for no reason. So I hit the little buddy info thing, just to see what she had up, and the girl has a blog. Of course. Small world huh?
I'm pretty sure that the fog from my hangover is starting to clear just a little bit. Very little.
Let's just say that last night was ridiculous. Check that. Saying that does a disservice to ridiculous.
We started out with drinks, margarits mostly, at Crazy Ritas. There was about 20 people there, and it was a blast. I have to say that I don't think I appreciate some of my friends as much as I should, it was really nice to have everyone there, and celebrate with everyone.
Something really interesting happened though while I was there. So we're sitting up on the little back area, which is kind of elevated a few feet over the rest of the bar. We had pretty much taken it over. I was standing kind of against the wall, just looking around the bar, checking out the crowd. And I see Bethany f'ing Borger.....
Who?
Bethany. Let's try and make this simple. She was like Megan, before Megan existed in my world. In other words, she was someone I was with for a good amount of time, things ended pretty badly, mostly b/c I'm an ass, and needed to grow up, (probably still do, thanks guys, really). Why is this weird? Becuase we broke up all the way back in 2003, before my old roomates got engaged, married, had kids. Before she finished school, before I moved to Lakewood and started grad school.
Literally, it was that long ago, pretty much like a lifetime. And the girl lives at home, 5 minutes away from me, and I hadn't run into her yet. And westside Cleveland ain't that big.
I guess the thing that's wierd about it is that I hadn't given her much of a thought once Megan came along or even for quite some time before that. But until then, I wondered how I would react. I was bitter about the way things ended for a long time. As much for my role in it and the way it went down, and the way I handled it (poorly), as anything.
So when I saw her, it was wierd. But not bad. Just different. It was fine actually. Maybe it was the 3 drinks I had already had, or the fact that I wasn't going to mope on my birthday, or that someone had really crushed me more recently, and you can only really hold a bitterness for one person at a time.
That, or maybe I just realized that she was my friend for over a year before we dated, that until it ended we had a lot of fun together, and that really, she's a genuinely good person with a huge heart, who really meant well pretty much all the time. Hindsight being what it is, I would have left me too. I wasn't a great person to be around back then. I needed to grow up.
So, I did the right thing. I went and said hello. We talked, caught up on each others careers, families, friends of each others that we had grown fond of while we were together. We laughed a little bit, talked about how everyone changes a lot in 4 years, especially at our age, and that was it. She saw people coming up to say happy birthday, wished me one as well, we said it was good to see each other, and that was it. I went over and said good bye to her before we moved on to the next bar, bought her a drink, and told her maybe I'll see her again in another 4 yeras......
And then yesterday, of all things, I was messing around online, and saw her instant messenger account was active. Why I had instant messenger on is beyond me. It logs me in when I turn the computer on and I just leave it up for no reason. So I hit the little buddy info thing, just to see what she had up, and the girl has a blog. Of course. Small world huh?
Friday, March 03, 2006
Playlisting
Just a sampling of what's rocking on my iTunes lately....
Matisyahu-Youth
Arctic Monkeys- I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor
White Stripes- The Denial Twist
Franz Ferdinand- The Fallen
Panic! At the Disco- There's a Good Reason These Tables are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven't Figured it out Yet.....
Prince- Black Sweat
The Killers - Indie Rock n' Roll
Jack Johnson - Jungle Gym/Better Together
Teddy Geiger - Try to Hard
Brandi Carlile - Throw it All Away
New Found Glory - The Story So Far
Foo Fighters - Friend of a Friend
I know, none of these songs really fit together. Anybody else finding anything new out there that they like?? I'm always trying to hunt new stuff down.
Matisyahu-Youth
Arctic Monkeys- I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor
White Stripes- The Denial Twist
Franz Ferdinand- The Fallen
Panic! At the Disco- There's a Good Reason These Tables are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven't Figured it out Yet.....
Prince- Black Sweat
The Killers - Indie Rock n' Roll
Jack Johnson - Jungle Gym/Better Together
Teddy Geiger - Try to Hard
Brandi Carlile - Throw it All Away
New Found Glory - The Story So Far
Foo Fighters - Friend of a Friend
I know, none of these songs really fit together. Anybody else finding anything new out there that they like?? I'm always trying to hunt new stuff down.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
In Case you Are Bored Today....
Sometimes, through the wonders of the internet, I stumble upon greatness....and I share it with you, out of friendship.
CNN/Money.com apparently has a lot of time on their hands, even though it's tax season. TV Dad's probably salary calculations? Priceless. Tony Danza is really getting the short end of the stick here.
But this link is much better. MC Hammer + New Album + Blog = Speechless.
CNN/Money.com apparently has a lot of time on their hands, even though it's tax season. TV Dad's probably salary calculations? Priceless. Tony Danza is really getting the short end of the stick here.
But this link is much better. MC Hammer + New Album + Blog = Speechless.
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