Just Because

I probably don't have any real reason to blog tonight, other than the fact that I want to try and be a little more consistent with updating this thing, like I used to be, way back when I started it almost 2 years ago.

You'd think that, all things considered, I might actually have a few things to write about, considering that in the last few weeks I've gotten a job, gotten my diploma (hi $30,000 piece of paper), celebrated a birthday, got an iPod, and started going to the gym on a more regular basis. That's a lot of shit that I could have talked about.

And yet, I totally don't. This is mostly a self imposed pressure, but because I know most of my friends read this at some point or another, I feel compelled to keep this nice and light, and entertaining, and funny. (Even though I'm the opposite of funny, really)

Strangely though, the fact remains is that when I started to learn that I liked to write, or had any ability to do so, a long time ago, I did it as a kind of catharsis for when I had bad days, or weeks, or whatever. Truthfully, that wouldn't play here, for a number of reasons. See, when I was taking writing classes in HS, it was the opportunity to be autobiographical without being blatantly so. I wasn't a very skilled writer then (not that I am more of one now), so I'm sure it seemed pretty obvious when I was referring to certain things. This, however, this blog, has always been unabashedly self-referrential, so when I have a bad day, or negative thoughts, they are on display for everyone to see, should I choose to write about them, which, as you may have noticed, I try not to as much anymore.

That's the thing, as I've grown as a person, and learned that I don't always have to wear my emotions on my sleeve, I've become better at putting at least a tolerable face on the days that I don't feel that great. And, we all have those days. The ones where things just don't feel quite right. Where you don't feel right in your own skin, where you question the decisions that have placed you at the station that you are in life, and wonder about your self-worth.

I had one of those days today. And it's not that I couldn't talk to almost any of my friends about it, b/c I know that I could. Generally speaking, they are a wonderful group of people, each in their own way. It's just that, what's the point? There are certain things that don't change overnight, no matter what anyone says. But, if I don't say anything and then write about it here, I wonder that isn't that just the same as telling everyone I know about it?

That's all, just kind of needed to get that off my chest.....

(oh, and Duke lost tonight in the first round of the tournament, so, you know, if the sun didn't come up tomorrow, for whatever reason, I suppose that wouldn't be all bad....)