Well, I promised myself that this would be not only a new year, but a new perspective. I would accomplish more. I would worry less, and all the little pitfalls that I've tripped over in the past would remain there. You know, in the past, and all that. Instead, I catch myself doing more of the same. Worrying, thinking that I don't measure up.
Maybe it's the fact that I haven't been gainfully employed for 6+ months.
Maybe it's the year and something without a meaningful relationship, or even a hint of one.
Maybe I'm just too hard on myself, in general.
I want so badly to succeed in every aspect of my life, that I kill myself over it if I'm not doing well in any/all of them.
It's silly, and it's hard, b/c I can't change, completely, obviously. I know the standards and whatnot that I hold myself too, and they aren't limited, that's for sure. I guess I'm just frustrated, b/c I feel like I'm putting a decent amount of effort in to certain things, both personally and professionally, and feel as though I'm just beating my head against the wall. And that's not an easy thing. When you care about someone or something, you want to feel some kind of reciprication, or reward, in return, otherwise, it feels helpless, worthless, and just plain silly.
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