All Backed Up

I've been in class all week training for a new position, so I really haven't been in a position where I can blog with ease, b/c although we are on computers, if I was blogging I would be the only one typing away, which tends to draw attention to onesself.

That being said, I apologize for neglecting, I could have done it last night, but we went and saw Charlie and The Chocolate Factory, which was amazing.

Also, I was tagged by Sarah, so I will hopefully do that post tonight after work, so you guys can have something longer to bore yourselves with.

However, to try and ease the pain, I'll share a picture of a friend I made in Vegas

And by friend, I mean some guy at Rain who's shirt I really liked.

*Hint: Save the pic and turn it upside down if you can't figure it out.

Then tell me that's not some funny shit.

Another Wasted Summer

I'm actually sitting in a class right now at work, that isn't relevant, interesting, or making any sense to me whatsoever. Thanks to the relatively incompetent nature of my company, I've managed to have an entire day wasted while I sit here, trying to think of a blog topic, and attempting to not give myself paper cuts down the length of my wrists with my note pad.

It also led me to take a good solid 20 minutes straight staring out the window.

Right, staring out a window on a beautiful sunny day in the summer whilst I waste away in an office. Apparently I'm also a masochist. Super.

It's led me to the conclusion that save for a trip to Vegas, and enjoying the weddings of several friends, I haven't done much of anything with this summer that is quickly going to be drifting into the winter soon. It's also gotten me to realize that I've wasted the last 3 summers sitting in this god-awful building, doing this mundane work, and spending too much time complaining and not enough time fixing it. All I ask for is some moderately interesting work, a fun environment, and a little bit of freedom to enjoy myself once in a while if I'm going to be all pent up like this.

Fuck it, who wants to open a bar with me?

Fridays, Natty Light, and Rock n' Roll....

I noticed that yesterday's post was a couple of things. It A) looked like crap b/c I am a complete retard when it comes to using computers, B) Was incredibly non-creative, and C) Was the kind of nostalgic-look-at-me-I'm-so-cute-b/c-I remember-my-childhood post that usually makes me start stabbing a pen through the palm of my hand when I realize that's all I can come up with for the day.

But screw it, my big wheel was pretty f-ing sweet.

Regardless, it's Friday, which as we all know means that I'm happy, and that I will post about a whole lot of nothing, and maybe even throw you a few links today.

Memo to the ceiling fan in my bedroom: When I turn you on, I want a nice air flow, not a 21 gun salute. You're so fucking loud that I had to turn you off to have a prayer of falling asleep last night. It's not that I mind a little bit of noise, but sounding like you are about to come unhinged and fall onto my bed, only to pummel me to death is not the kind of "little bit of noise" that I mean.

Other notes: My internet shopping binge continues forward. I damn near bought an Ipod yesterday, which would be great, b/c I love little electronic toys that do all kinds of good, fun things. (If I hear any vibrator jokes based on that statement, well, I'll probably just laugh, b/c I deserve it)

(Another thought: Would girls buy one of those things with an MP3 Player in it? I wouldn't think so, b/c really, wouldn't it be all muffled anyways? Hell, they put MP3 players in everything else)

Okay, back to the original thought, internet shopping: My Cornhole bags came today, so as soon as I can get the boards built, I'll be enjoying some good old-fashioned Midwest, white trash fun. Also, I found another Eric Metcalf jersey on Ebay, so the saga continues. Plus, I have this incredible urge to hit up UrbanOutfitters.com and buy t-shirts.

Also: The LVT is now serving Natty Light on tap for 75 cents. This is in many ways a good thing, and in many ways a bad thing. As we all know, I am quite the fan of the cheaply bought beer. However, as I increase in age and lameness, I have become less the fan of the hangover that is brought about by cheap beer in large quantities.

Alright, that's enough for today, you all enjoy your weekend, I'll be down at the Blind Pig tonight to see The Webster's, and of course, drinking. Also, don't forget to check in on Sarah, and vote on whether or not she should do the Date Lance thing. You know, cause it's evil.

On Second Thought

I had a post up earlier about my job that was a little bit on the scathing and bitter side. Then I remembered the articles I have read about other people who have gotten fired from their jobs for blogging about them and saying terrible things. It's too bad, because it was a really funny post. However, I haven't got any way of supporting myself without having a steady source of income.

It's fine, I'm sure I can come up with something interesting. Actually, it's funny b/c the other day we were talking about toys and stuff we had when we were kids that were actually much cooler than anything the kids have today. Or at least, we sure seemed to think so.....stupid kids and their stupid Game Boy SP, and their computers....come on, get some imagination. Anyway, I figured I would talk about a few of my favs....

The Big Wheel











Seriously, how f'ing great were these? Plastic seat, plastic wheels, well, pretty much plastic everything. We used to build massive jumps, (like a foot of the ground) and spin donuts that would shred the plastic wheels, and run them into the garage so hard that it would make dents.I had the General Lee one, which may or may not have had Confederate flag stickers, which were great. I don't know how my mother could stand those things, what with the plastic on gravel sound that makes most adults nasueous. They still make these actually, but they're like SpongeBob and crap like that.

Transformers


Another one that they still make today, but really, they were much cooler in the 80s. Back then, they were simple, plastic fun. Now they're all crazy and stuff, and they totally want to do a CGI movie and stuff. Crazy












Sega Genesis


















Alright, I know. We all actually started our video game addictions much younger than this, playing Atari 2600 or the original, old school Nintendo. But, if you actually took the time to save the money to buy this one for yourself, and take that next step, especially with the impending release of the Madden franchise, and the consistent outpouring of other EA sports titles, then you were probably one of those guys (like me) that will play video games for ever and ever and ever. And probably never get laid. Super.

I could probably come up with a bunch more, but I'm tired, plus, it's time for lunch. You guys got any other favorites that I didnt' mention here?

I Should Really Be More Careful...

..Before asking for a topic to post about. Thanks to my own lack of creativity today (or maybe in spite of it) Sarah tagged me to talk about my "turn ons" and my "turn offs". Sweet. I feel like a Playboy centerfold answering these things. You know, except for the part where I don't have a vagina nor would I sleep with Hef.*


Anyway, since I'm a bitter, negative person, let's start w/ the "offs" heh heh heh...you said "offs"


Turn Offs

1) Bad Teeth (Seriously, we live in Ohio, not Appalacia)
2) Chain-Smoking
3) Being Poor (I mean, come on people, I don't mind treating, but at the age of 25 having a negative checking account balance is not attractive)
4) Refusing to ever drink anything alcoholic
5) Thinking that Jimmy Fallon is funny
6) Talking only about yourself
7) Stating that you don't understand why guys like sports so much (even if you don't get it, don't say anything, really)
8) Sleeping with my friends

Turn Ons

1) Having a sense of humor
2) Not cringing every time someone says the words "Jaeger-bomb"
3) Being nicer than me (really, I say a lot of mean things, it's nice to have someone balnce me out)
4) Buying me a drink (Newsflash: guys like free booze too)
5) Being able carry on a conversation using more than monosylabic words
6) Possessing female genitalia (I know, I stole this from Sarah)
7) Having a firm grasp of the importance of Peanut Butter Cup ice-cream to my mental well being
8) Not being afraid of the ball (any ball: football, baseball, ping pong ball, other....uh....balls...)

Thanks Sarah, I really had to dig deep to come up with these, it really made me think. Okay, actually, I'm just brain dead today, and at least you gave me something to write about. Now...tagging people....well, normally I would tag Sarah, but she already tagged me, and I'm sure there's a rule about no-tag-backs, so I tag Kara, and Bev. Good luck guys, I'm sure they'll be entertaining.


*I meant to add this earlier about Hef: Really, I mean the guy is 70 some years old, and he pulls more action with better looking girls than most of us could pull on our best days. No matter how much you think he objectifies women, or uses his money and such to get with these girls, as a guy, on the most primal level, you have to be pretty impressed. And completely fucking jealous.

I'm Blank Today

Really, sadly, I don't have a topic, or even an idea for a topic today. I have a feeling I'm going to be reaching for whatever I come up with today. Any suggestions? Anyone?

Bueller?


Bueller?

Once I Can Understand, but Twice?

Let me start this post by saying that I'm quite aware that I am not the most patient person I know, not by any stretch of the imagination. Really, I'm the guy that gets mad at someone who takes more than 10-15 items through the self checkout at the grocery store and then stares at the touch screen like they've never seen light before. And really, that's usually only b/c my beer is getting warm or I really want to plow into that bag of animal cookies that I just bought.

However, last night was a real test to my patience, and a subsequent challenge to my ability to not yell at someone who may have deserved it.

Having had equally bad days at work, M (my new friend, the one who kindly picked me up from the wedding on Saturday) and I decided that we could use some kind of barley and hops generated relief. That being the case, we headed over to the Winking Lizard over in Avon. Let me state for the record that I really like the Winking Lizard. They have a great selection of beer, the food is decent, and generally, the service is pretty good.

Last night, not so much. Not at all.

M and I got seated outside, on the back patio thing that they have. We weren't eating, but they gave us a table anyways. They weren't busy, so it really wasn't an issue as far as I'm concerned. Now, I understand that our server has other tables, etc, but it took her almost 15 MINUTES to even come over and ask what we wanted to drink. She gave us some story about how one of the other servers had had an issue with a previous table and she was listening to his story about it.

Okay, that's nice and all, but not my problem. My problem was needing a drink, which would be your job. She was relatively quick in getting our drinks, and okay with getting our second round as well, but then she fell apart again. Who knows, maybe she was mad that we weren't eating, or that we only had 2 drinks, but we didn't really bother her for anything but our two drinks, and last time I checked, THAT WAS HER JOB.

Anyway, when we were getting close to the end of our second drinks, I asked for our check. Our server proceeded to go back up to the bar, stand there talking to two friends of hers that were sitting there, literally 10 feet from our table, for 15 minutes. She then went and checked on the table two down from us, talked to them, went and got their check, and then went back to her friends. Are you effing kidding me? That's twice in one night that she neglected the same table.

Finally, she comes back over to us and asks if she can get us anything. Fortunately, as she was walking over, M grabbed my arm and said "Just let me ask for it, don't even say a word" (She knows me way too well already, kinda scary). She finally brought our check, didn't even apologize for forgetting it, and somehow, I still tipped her 20%. I'm a pansy, I get it.....

Honestly, had I not been with someone that I just met, I would have probably said something mean or told her manager or something, b/c it just wasnt' acceptable. That, and I'm a total bitch

Hangovers CAN Last Two Days

Two Words

Mondays. Suck.

(To put it more clearly: being hungover on Monday from activities that took place Saturday night-not fun.)

I made a little checklist this morning as I was walking out the door, it looked a little like this:

Cell Phone: Check
Work ID: Check
Lunch: Check
Sunglasses: Lost
Application for a new liver: Check
Dignity: Left at the Holiday Inn in Elyria

Also, Sarah was kind enough to post a few statistics about the evening (thanks, really), but she left a few out.

Number of:

Bottles of Champange emptied on the limo ride: 2
Bottles of Absolut emptied on the limo ride: 1
Times the limo had to stop b/c members of the wedding party had to use the bathroom: 1 (I thought this would be much higher, b/c we were drunk)
Sober members of the wedding party by the time we got to the reception: 0
Times I apologized to Paul's mom for being so drunk: At least 3
Inappropriate comments that I probably made to everyone there: 4,097
People who went to the hotel bar after the reception, b/c really we weren't drunk enough: approx 40

If that gives you any kind of an idea about how ridiculous the whole thing was, good, b/c it was 2x more crazy than I can even make it sound. That being said, I had a blast. Drew and I were laying around on Sunday, and we couldn't really think of anything that was bad. The ceremony was short and relaxed, but nice, the photographer kept us moving during photos so we didn't feel like we were just standing around in the sun melting, our limo driver was fun and accomodating, the hotel staff at the reception was the same, and we had an outstanding group of friends in the wedding party that all got along and had fun together the entire evening. Look at that last statement again, it's key.

This is a memo to every bride out there that is planning a wedding right now. I don't care how much you love your overly dramatic, attention seeking pyscho friends. If you include them in your wedding, there is a good chance they will do something to make others miserable, b/c they will be mad that the attention isn't all on them. You all know what type of person I am talking about. Fortunately, we didn't have anyone even close to that on Saturday, and we had a great time. I still haven't even talked to a lot of people that were there, but I'm totally looking forward to hearing some good stories from that night......

Thursday is the New Friday

At least it is when you take the actual day of Friday off from work.

After working a large volume of overtime, cursing yourself every step of the way for it, and finally feeling like you might have a meltdown if you have to answer one more question, you become very thankful for that vacation day that looms so tantalizingly on the horizion.

At least, I know I do.

This is especially true b/c tomorrow is the golf outing for the guys involved with the wedding I'm in on Saturday, followed by the rehearsal dinner, followed by drinking I'm sure. And let's face it, I like to drink.

Memo to Mother Nature on this whole golfing thing tomorrow: Enjoy the raining off and on ALL DAY thing today while you can. If you think you are bringing this shit while I'm trying to golf, drink beer, and enjoy my day off, forget it. I will LOSE IT, and not just in a small way. I mean, full fledged, 3-year-old-pounding-my-fists-on-the-ground-stomping-my-feet-super-spectacular-temper-tantrum.

Okay, probably not that bad, but man, will I be PISSED.

One other thought for today: I know I haven't said anything about this, which I'm sure amazes you, especially since we all know I like video games, (b/c I'm 16-you guys want to go to Dairy Queen? Awesome) but this whole Grand Theft Auto thing that has been in the news is pretty damn entertaining.

The Video Games Ratings Board or whatever raised the rating on the game to "Adults Only", which is like saying it might be porn. I'm okay with the rating, and with them making it clear that the game isn't for kids. Here's what puzzles me: Why are the politicians that are in such an uproar about it making it a national story? Are they aware of how adolescent minds work? They're pretty simple. If you tell them they shouldn't, they want to. If you tell them they can't, they will. Especially with something like this. Because it's taboo, the kids will be on it like a fat kid on a cupcake. Additionally, and I say this all the damn time, WHY aren't any of the parents monitoring what their kids are doing? Maybe it's just me, but if my mother said "You aren't getting that game" Guess what? I sure as hell wasn't getting it. And if I found a way to get it? It would have wound up in the trash compactor. While I watched. And shivered. And recoiled in horror at the sound of my 50$ of video-game-goodness being crunched up with the cereal boxes and milk cartons and the like. But that was my house, where you could always question, but never disobey.

Sorry, small tangent there, back to my original point:

Sadly, again, we live in a society where everyone wants to blame everyone else for their problems, and taking responsibility is the exception rather than the rule. It doesn't help that your average politician's main goal is to get more face time in the media than the guy he's running against in the next election. Which makes sense, b/c the true goal of being an elected official is to make sure that you set yourself up to be elected again, which is why you deal with issues like this as opposed to things that really make a difference on a day to day basis.


Also, I just got an email and peeked at CNN.com and saw about the second round of terrorist bombings in London. And I just got sick to my stomach looking at it. They're calling the explosions "incidents", but I think it's safe to say that's terrorist related. Really, I know that these people hate us and we're awful, shallow people, but seriously, F you. Big time. F You and your lame ass pipe bombs, and your box cutters, and your patchy facial hair, and your beating, raping, and general degradation of your OWN women. Really, F yourselves right in the A. Assholes.

Wedding Crashers

Holy crap. I know I said it at least 25 times last night, but the movie was freakin hilarious. I actually leaned forward to one of my friends last night and asked him if he was taking notes for the wedding that we are going to this weekend, but then realized it would totally not work b/c we're in the wedding, so pretty much everyone is going to know who I we are anyways. Oh well, it's probably better off, b/c I have too much of a conscience to pull anything off like that. I can't even keep up a lie for 10 minutes, let alone 5 hours.

It's actually kind of cool that lately anytime any combination of Vince Vaughn, Luke/Owen Wilson, Will Ferrell, and Ben Stiller show up in a movie together that it turns out to be hilarious. I mean look at it: Old School, Dodgeball, Starsky and Hutch, Anchorman, all funny in their own way (I know somepeople really like Zoolander, where with Stiller and Owen, but really, that movie didn't do much for me, maybe I need to see it again)

That being said, I'm in a pretty crappy mood today, but I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I'm working an extra long day today so that I can be off on Friday, which will be nice when it gets here. However, I'm just really not feeling all that great, nor am I in the mood to have to deal with people today. For whatever reason, I've been terribly moody today, which is the opposite of fun. I guess I'm just frustrated with a lot of the different areas of my life right now, and am more frustrated by the fact that I haven't found a good direction to go in to better these things, so I'm just kind of treading water right now. This would be fine, except for the fact that I just truly lack any patience to let things gradually get better.

eh...well that was depressing, sorry about that guys.......

In better news:

There's an effing Smurf Movie in the works, which when coupled with Transformers movie coming out in 2007, I'm sure to be able to regress to my childhood well into my late 20s.

Katie Has Officially Gone Looney

This is ridiculous....


A Scientologist chaperone? What would Dawson say?

Hopefully something along the lines of: "Dude, that crazy eff is old enough to be your dad, and now he's got you hanging around with trendy gypsies. Lame"

Okay, maybe not like that, but if I was speaking for him, it would sound like that......

Time for a Life Lesson

Since I don't really have anything fun, or interesting to say, I've decided that maybe I'm just better off passing off my infinite wisdom to y'all, my faithful readers. Here's one for today:

How To: Have a good day at work when you hate your job

1) Show up Late: This is really key to any great day. Showing up late is one way to ensure that you have to do even less work than you currently are trying to avoid. This works even better if you have a boss who is completely oblivious or a moron (common) due to the fact that it will make it easier to repeat the offense.

2) Spend Quality Time in the Morning With Your Blog/Internet/Otherwise: A guarunteed productivity killer. Blogging about hating your job is ill-advised though, b/c employers will fire you for your transgressions, and let's face it; your job may suck, but being poor probably sucks worse. Frequenting your favorite sites in the morning helps keep you from having to waste time doing it after work, when you could be doing more important things, like watching TV, or drinking.

3) Take At Least 1 Break Per Hour: Another key to maintaining sanity. Really, you're probably either working relatively hard, or so annoyed by the stupidity of your coworkers that you need to take time to breathe and get away from them on a regular basis. This is really only for your mental health. It helps to take up smoking if you want to maximize this practice, b/c nobody argues with a smoker who needs their fix.

4) Find Ways to Offensively Question Company Practices and Policies: This will do nothing but entertain your fellow bitter coworkers, offend your bosses (whom you likely don't respect anyways) and help you blow off much needed steam. Be sure to pepper your speech with four letter words and offensive statments about your superiors, really, it makes you feel much better.

5) Shut it Down Half an Hour Early: If you leave at 5, stop doing things at 4:30. Get up, walk around, go to the bathroom, or simply pull up something on your computer that looks work related, and pretend to be all over it, while secretly taking extra peeks at your fantasy football team.

Now, after all of this, you should have hopefully done no more than 2-3 hours of work in an 8 hour day. That is success my friends.

Lessons Learned This Weekend

After another long, entertaining weekend, I've learned a few things.......

1) I most certainly am still suffering from the Vegas letdown. Not good times.

2) Being around a bunch of guys that are married, or about to get married, makes me feel either really old, or like the most irresponsible 26 yr old ever.

3) Taking more cash with me when I go out doesn't mean that I'll come home with more. It just means that I spend more. Instead of buying for 3 people, I end up buying for 10. Good call, moron.

That being said, the bachelor party was a big success, even if I did put myself back in the poor house again. No big deal. It was good to see both of the guys have a good time, and to see all of the people that made it out for at least part of the evening.

I will, however, have to give a slight thumbs down to Lakewood Lanes over on Detroit. Really, I know bowling alleys probably don't make a ton of money, and it's not a lucrative venture these days, but really, the place was bad. When you have one guy handling the bowling, and the bar, you may have a staffing issue. That and the face that he was apparently holding a newspaper recycling drive in the bar area, didn't make things very pleasant. At least half the ceiling tiles were missing. I will say though, that the lanes did have one thing going for them: if MTV ever wanted to film an episode of The 70's House there, they certainly would be right in their element......

The other good thing from this weekend is that I got all of the Browns tickets that I wanted, and will be attending home games against the Lions, Bengals (the opener) the Dolphins, and the Jags, which means lots and lots of tailgating, which means lots and lots of bad for me food. And I love it.

Couple of other fun things today:

Speaking of living in the 70s: Village People Cop Busted Apparently being famous 30 years ago just isn't what it used to be. Do you think he was wearing the outfit when they picked him up? Wouldn't that make it that much more entertaining? Better yet, where did this guy get 100k to post bail?

The new Harry Potter book sold 6.9 Million copies in one day

I'm sure the Vatican can't be happy about that. (Insert your own little boy/Catholic church joke here, I'm laying off for a while)

I'm Totally Lazy Today...

Want proof? I didn't even bother to shave this morning. For me, that's the essentially like I didn't even bother putting clothes on. Honestly, if I go more than one day with out shaving, I can roughly pass for a homeless person, or Colin Farrell.*

Want more proof that I'm lazy today? I don't even have plans to go out tonight, which, since this is the first full weekend that I'm in town in three weeks, you'd think I'd have something going on. But, short of having a few folks over to watch the Indians' game tonight, I've got nothing.

To FURTHER prove the point that I have no motivation, this is as much of a post as your getting out of me, other than a few links today.....

Even Harry Potter can't escape the wrath of the Vatican these days:

Pope Benedict called the books "a subtle seduction of young minds" To totally steal a joke from Jon Stewart on last nights' Daily Show "if there's one group that knows something about the subtle seduction of young boys......"

But seriously, maybe the church should spend less time hating EVERYTHING, and more time trying to inspire. There's a reason young people don't go to church. Personally, I get enough of the Debbie Downer stuff the rest of the week from the news, work, etc, to want to drag myself out of bed on Sunday mornings to hear all the reasons that I'm going to go to hell. I can get there just fine curled up against my pillow, thank you.

Christian Slater turned down the chance to plead down in his "groping case" in NYC

I wonder if this will affect his VIP status at the Spearamint Rhino? Hmmmmmm


Also, I'm one day closer to winning my Eric Metcalf Browns jersey on Ebay.

And I'm officially retarded.


*and by "look like Colin Farrell, I mean that everytime I see him on TV, he's looks disheveled and unbathed, but in a way that girls like...except for the part where I might be slightly less attractive....

Creepy

So I was peeking at my StatCounter site (you know, b/c I hate doing any actual work) and in the midst of all my hits from my usual readers in their usual locations, I get this:

vict-cache2.iraq.centcom.mil


I'm not sure how to react to that. At. All. Kinda creepy in a way. Hopefully, if it's any of our soldiers overseas, they're getting some kind of entertainment out of my blog. Lord knows they could probably use it.

Fridays Make Me Happy

But today is Thursday, so I'm cranky instead.

I've got nothing better than a few random thoughts again today, hopefully some of them will be entertaining.

First of, anytime you see the headline Dead Body Falls off Truck onto Highway, you have to laugh. At least a little bit. I mean really, how would you like to have that drop in front of your car on your way into work. And to think I complain about a little traffic. Really, at that point, how do you react to that? That's not like a couch falling off a truck, that's a formerly living person. Creepy.

Someone needs to take my credit card away from me, or at least my Ebay password. I just put in bids on a Cleveland Browns' retro Eric Metcalf jersey, and I'm thinking about putting in a bid for a new connector for my old school Nintendo....

I talked my dad into building us a Cornhole set, hopefully to be completed before Put-In-Bay, but at the very least to be finished before the NFL season starts. That will without a doubt make us the coolest kids at the tailgate. That, and lots of beer and sausage/pancake wraps (don't ask, they're amazing, just trust me)

Speaking of, the Browns are going to be terrible still this year, but I'll still go to at least 3 games. Why? Because I'm stupid, obviously.

A Few Random Thoughts For Today

Lately, I just haven't had the energy to put up any complete, coherent thoughts about any one subject, so sadly, todays' entry is only going to be about a few random things.

The All-Star Game

This whole "This Time it Counts" thing? Garbage. It's a godforsaken exhibition game.
Of course, I'm saying this from the perspective of a Cardinals fan, which means I might get to watch them get steamrolled again this year, so it doesn't matter who has home field. Neverthe less, I have a real hard time with a team having a great season, winning more games than the team it is playing in the World Series, and then not having home field because of the All-Star game. Ridiculous.

Man Bragged to Girl About Killings

Seriously, I about vomitted when I read this. I think the thing that makes me the most sick about it is the last line of the article

"Duncan had spent more than a decade in prison for sexually assaulting a 14-year-old boy at gunpoint in Tacoma, Wash."

Why is this sick F even allowed back on the streets? That's not even something that you can explain away. I know that there are people that are convicted sex offenders b/c they were 19 and slept with their 16 yr old g/f. That's unfortunate. This guy though? Seriously, child molestors might be the worst people on the planet. If this guy gets anything less than a life sentance and a castration appointment with a vet, I'll be f'ing pissed.

The best is when the ACLU gets involved, or when they say that the person has "mental incapacities". I'm betting the retards at the ACLU wouldn't stick up for these people so much if it was their children that were molested. And you know what? If these people are that "mentally ill" I don't want them on the streets anyways. We're so all about being an accepting society now that its' to the point that total derelicts seem to get treated as if they're 'special'. Fortunately, even the other convicts hate child molestors.

They replaced the Peppomint LifeSavers with the generic kind in our vending
machine at work

This makes me so unhappy. Let's face it, there's the Peppomint LifeSaver, and then there's all the other crap that's out there. Even worse, these are generic. There's no brand at all. I can't even get Mentos? BreathSavers? Seriously, I know we're cutting costs here, but this is just getting silly. Next thing you know, I won't be able to get a Pepsi down there. I'll be lucky to get some RC Cola, or maybe some Faygo. Damnit.

Whatever, I have work to do now....sorry guys, it's lame today, this is all you get though....

Flying, and The Pain of...

Just a quick story that I think most of you that have come to know me will appreciate.

The flight home from Vegas can be summed up in one word: Exhausting.

The fact that our flight out was at 11:20, thus requiring us to be at the airport by 9:45 was rough enough. Granted, I can probably take some of my own blame for that by showing up drunk at our hotel at about 5:00 am, thus allowing myself *maybe* 3 hours of sleep, if you want to call it that.

Take that, along with the 12 hours or so of combined sleep for the week, and put THAT on a plane. Not good times. That's not the best part.

So, prior to the flight, we're standing at our gate, and I see more than a few 14-16 year old kids running around. You know, the kids that are at that stage where they still have an s-load of energy, but they're not really afraid of adults anymore, and they really don't care about bothering anyone. Now when I realize that there are a few, I look around, and there are FIFTY OF THEM. Even better, they were in Vegas as part of a youth Jesus-crusade thing.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to see that the kids are into their faith, and not drugs and breaking into my car and crap.

HOWEVER, singing their praise songs as the plane lifts off? Awful. Really, I thought I was going to committ suicide. All I wanted was to drink my water, pass out, and forget that I had 4 hours of flying. Yeah, not even close. Compound this with the kid that was sitting behind me, consistently kicking my seat for most of the flight, while I was trying to sleep, and you had one unhappy camper/flyer. Reminding yourself that I have an insanely short fuse, especially when I'm tired, and this is a bad situation.

Really, is there any worse feeling in the world than being violently hung over, coming back from a trip of total debauchery, and having to suppress the urge to turn around and verbally berate some little punk, because you know you're going to get the worst of it, because really, whose side is God going to be on on this one? Not mine, I'll tell you that much.

Vegas: More Everything

Wow.

I just realized that I haven't posted an entry in 10 days, which is a long time considering that I haven't ever gone more than 2 days without posting since I started this thing. I hope nobody got worried that I suddenly went out and got a life.

The Vegas trip in a word: Amazing.

I can't even fathom ever going on vacation anywhere else after this trip. I also think I'll need at least 6 months to sleep off this trip before I can go back.

Rather than drone on with a bunch of stories about the trip, I figure I'll throw out a few interesting things about it, and leave it at that. Plus, I have a lot to catch up on at work, seeing as how I haven't been here in five days. (Actually, I'll probably tell some stories or something later, I just don't have the energy right now)

Total Gambling Loss $60
Total Spent on Food $100-$150 (Only eating once a day helps with this)
Total Spent on Alcohol- $500+ (????) I really have no clue, I have to check my debit card statement for a better idea on this one.

Overall I was pretty happy with the gambling loss thing. I was up going into Thursday night thanks to a nice turn at the table Thursday morning that could have been even better had I not been forced by an unhealthy stomach to get food.

Then, after a mess of a night on Thursday, mostly from drinking and such, one of the other guys and I decided to take a turn at the blackjack tables as we cut back through the Barbary Coast casino towards our hotel. 60$ and then some later, we were last seen leaving that casino at 5 am, quite possibly fleeing it like someone had just set us on fire. Awful. It didn't even last more than 20 minutes. Lesson learned: Don't gamble drunk.

Couple of other notes. Of the clubs we went to (dance clubs that is) Rain at the Palms was by far the best. Maybe it was a better crowd because it was a Friday, but truly, what an amazing place. Anyone who's been there can probably vouch for the fact that it's a damn cool club.

The only thing about that though, is that upon returning home Saturday night, I went downtown to the Velvet Dog for a friends birthday, and other than the fact that drinks cost about half as much, I can't say that I had much fun there. Maybe I was tired and jet lagged, and entirely too sober to enjoy it, but really, comparatively speaking, what a disappointment. I mean, there isn't even any fire coming out above the dance floor there.

I know, I'm a dork. Anyways, as much as it's nice to be back, I can say this: Going to Vegas, and meeting all kinds of people from all over the place, it really opens your eyes to what else is out there. There's so much more to the world than our little corners that we seem to shut ourselves into.

Welcome to a New Month, Now hand over your paychecks

It's going to be one of those months. I'm hating today, July 1st for a bunch of reasons.

Rent is due today

Good-bye more than half of yesterdays paycheck! I'll miss you! Hope you enjoyed the 18 hours you spent in my checking account!

Vegas is 4 Days Away

I can't wait, but given my current uncertainty at my job, I'm going to be nervous everytime I double down or hear someone say "always bet on black", and not just because of Passenger 57.

Wedding Carousel '05 Continues

Again, this is a fun thing, but tux+gift= wallet :(

Also, my office is a ghost town today. There's no more than a handful of people here, so it's me, a few peers, and the internet today. Thank goodness for the internet, otherwise, I'd have to listen to myself think for 8 hours. Thanks, but at that point I think I'd try some drain cleaner with a turpentine chaser......

Also, if I hear one more variation of the "Are you going to lose your job? What happens if you get fired? Do you have your resume together?" Question, I'm going to stab someone. Seriously

Last Day to Vote.....

For the MLB All-Star Game. I'm a huge baseball fan, as some of you know, but sadly enough, today is the first day that I've gotten to vote. So I'm voting. A lot. It's fine.

Here's how my ballot broke down, incase anyone cares:

American League

First Base:M. Teixeira, TEX
Second Base: B. Roberts, BAL
Third Base:H. Blalock, TEX
Shortstop:M. Tejada, BAL
Catcher:J. Mauer, MIN
Outfielder:V. Guerrero, LAA
Outfielder:M. Ramirez, BOS
Outfielder:I. Suzuki, SEA
DH:D. Ortiz, BOS

National League

First Base: A. Pujols, STL
Second Base: J. Kent, LAD
Third Base:S. Rolen, STL
Shortstop:A. Gonzalez, FLA
Catcher:P. Lo Duca, FLA
Outfielder:B. Abreu, PHI
Outfielder:M. Cabrera, FLA
Outfielder:J. Edmonds, STL

Head on over to MLB.com to get your votes in

Only 5 Days Until Las Vegas

Change is Good, Allegedly.

On my drive into work today, I happened to be flipping around the radio, checking for traffic, sports and other things that matter, and managed to get an interesting piece of news on the radio.

We're being bought, sold, whatever you want to call it.

Now, I've always made it a policy that I don't talk about my work here on my blog, but this one affects myself, and everyone that I work with on a significant enough level that I feel like brining it up. They're talking about the fact that significant part of our workforce is going to be cut in the restructuring, and even though we've all assured ourselves that it won't affect us, there's no guarantees.

Needless to say, I may be joining the "looking for work" ranks sometime in the somewhat near future. It's not a position that I've been in in the last 4 years, so who knows.

I think the part that gets me a bit is the way I found out about it. Again, I heard it on the radio.

It's like if a baseball team decides to trade a player, or worse, move the whole franchise, and the player, or the whole team, doesn't find out until they hear about it on the news. It's kind of odd. Today's going to be a wierd day, so we'll see if I have anything else to post about. My brain is kind of going in a lot of different directions.

Things Getting under my Skin right now

My LaunchCast Radio Station

I know nothing is perfect, but when I program you to play these bands:

Matchbox Twenty,Barenaked Ladies,The Offspring,R.E.M.,Red Hot Chili Peppers,U2,Blink 182
John Mayer,Simple Plan,The White Stripes,Maroon 5,Sum 41,Good Charlotte and Green Day.

And you give me: The Cardigans, Rod Stewart, Three Doors Down, Ryan Cabrera and Ashley Simpson, I want to reach through my computer and throttle whoever is programming you. Fortunately, you just played Island in the Sun by Weezer, so I'm letting it slide for now......

The Cavaliers:

Let me get this straight, you traded a first rounder next year for Jiri Welsch, got 16 games at 2.9 points per game out of him, and then traded him for a second round pick next year. What? You just rented the guy, and gave up a pick to do it. Did I mention that he contributed nothing? Goddamnit, stupid Cleveland sports.

My Dryer:

Listen, asshole, I know it's an unspoken agreement that things are going to disappear inside of you occassionally, especially socks and the like. But do me a favor, take the old white ones I use when I'm running or playing sports, not the good ones that cost a little bit more that I wear when I go to work or out. I now have at least 4 different socks that have a certain pattern or something that are missing their partners and are therefore, totally worthless.

The Light Outside my Backdoor

I mean, I like falling down the stairs as much as the next guy, but seriously, how do you burn out after being used for a month or two? Aren't light bulbs supposed to last like 1000 hours or something? I certainly don't leave you on continuously, and don't use you anymore than any of my other lights, in fact, probably less, b/c you only get turned on if I'm using the stairs at night. However, I'm going to be changing you tonight for the 5th time in the year that I've lived there. The last three days going down to the basement to do laundry has been like The Temple of effing Doom, I'm just waiting for something to shoot out of the walls, it's so damn dark in there.


6 Days Until Vegas (This is definitely not annoying to me)

I almost forgot

Internets! Rejoice!

Okay, I'm probably the only one who's excited about this, but I found a blog written by one of my favorite bands: Yellowcard. I know a few other people that read this are fans, so it's kind of cool to check out. Apparently the new album won't be out till next year though, which kind sucks....I've pretty much run Ocean Ave. into the ground

One Week to Go

I'm officially one week away from Las Vegas. 7 Days.

That means, by this time next week I will be just about to board a plane for 3 days of full out debauchery. The scary part is, we're pretty much set, and somehow, with three people planning the trip for the 12 guys that are going.

I can honestly say that I've never looked forward to a vacation more.

Last night, I bought the last few stupid little things that I'll need for the trip, you know, travel toothbrush and junk like that. I also stopped over at one of the guys' houses who's going just to catch up on last minute details. J has all of our club/line passes that he hooked up with on Ebay the last time he went, and we called and made a reservation at Battista's for Thrusday night. Did I mention that their house wine comes complimentary with every meal? After seeing what a part of this group did to the monster bottles of wine at Buca Di Bepo, I'm not sure how good of an idea this is. However, I'll go on record as saying that it looks amazing.

We'll also be making appearances at Ra, Rain, and VooDoo Lounge, to name a few.

I promise, there will be stories, pictures, and the like when I get back.

Also, I'm going to need something to listen to on the plane, musicwise...anybody have any suggestions of anything new that they've been listening to that they like? let me know

A short one....

Wow,

I just reread my post from yesterday, and managed to even depress myself. So there won't be anymore of that. What's done is done, all I can do is try to be a better person and stop and think before I open my mouth going forward.

That being said, let's move on to more amusing things.

I think I got the most amusing Google hit on my blog since I started it:

Tom Cruise idiot crybaby asshole

I couldn't agree more.

In light of the fact that I was depressing yesterday, (or this morning) depending on when you read my last post, I feel like I owe a light hearted story from my younger (and more retarded days).

While at the wedding on Saturday, or more precisely, while at the open bar, somebody asked me if I wanted to do a shot with them. I, being an alcoholic, accepted, but with the stipulation "as long as it isn't vodka, I can't do it." The person standing at the bar with me said "What? Why not? Vodka's easy"

That brings me to the story. You know how everyone has that story about the first time they got drunk? Mine involves vodka. Lots of it. And it wasn't the good stuff, like Grey Goose or Absolut or Skyy. No, it was my freshman year of college, so we were going bargain basement booze. Korski and Colonial Club vodka. Now, if you aren't familiar with those brands, please, for the love of God, don't ever become so.

Now, the way this shakes down is pretty damn entertaining. Neither my two roomates or I drank in high school, so we were all a little nervous to be giving this a shot. So, one of the older guys, who happened to be a connisseur of cheap vodka, said that since he was going to be hanging out with us anyways, he would keep an eye on us and make sure nobody put themselves in a coma or anything like that. Okay, fair enough, sounds like a plan, right?

Wrong.

Once we acquired copious amounts of said cheap alcohol, and the requisite amount of cherry Kool-Aid to mix with it, we were set for good times..

Did I just say cherry Kool-Aid? Yes. Yes I did. As if the cheap vodka wasn't enough to make us look pathetic, we were mixing with Kool-Aid. Apparently, I couldn't find any Tang or generic OJ.

We started out innocently enough, mixing our cocktails in large, Speedway fountain drink plastic cups and playing euchre. (Really does it get any more Midwest than that?) Now, the one thing that we forgot to account for was that, as we got intoxicated, so was our "mentor", thereby making him less likely to "keep an eye on us". As it stood, about two hours into this ordeal we started to get relatively loopy. Not understanding that alcohol takes a bit of time to get into the system and have it's effect, I thought I was doing amazingly well, b/c I barely even felt a buzz.

It was at this point that our more senior member disappeared, and I subsequently acquainted myself with the BOTTLE of Colonial Club. When I say acquainted, I mean I parked my butt on the couch, decided I didn't need anymore Kool-Aid, and started drinking straight from the bottle, thinking that I was being sneaky, but not at all so in reality. Now mind you, I was already getting drunk, and being this was my first session of true "drinking" I certainly didn't have much in the way of tolerance. So about 10:30 I start to feel really warm and light headed, and not so super anymore.

Someone, somehow said "dude, go take a quick shower, it will totally help" The only thing it helped was getting me closer to the bathroom, because I needed it. The shower didn't help other than to leave me with a soaking wet head while I puked all over the bathroom. Repeatedly. Now, if there is one thing a person who's suddenly violenly ill doesn't need to see, it's pools and pools of their own, bright red, Kool-Aid stained vomit. Words cannot even express how awful it was. I finally, mercifully passed out about 1 am, after throwing up 3 times, all of them violent.

Granted, that wasn't as bad as waking up 7 hours later, throwing up 3 more times, and spending the day in bed with the worst headache ever. In retrospect, I should be happy I woke up in my own bed, alive, and not covered in my own puke....

THAT, my friends, is why I don't drink vodka.

Stop. Talking. Really.

Seriously, I need a voice in my head that says that. Badly.

Unfortunately for me, I don't, therefore stuff comes out of my mouth, especially when I'm drunk, that shouldn't come out of my mouth, and I end up a) offending people and b) making myself look really dumb.

So, if you were around when I was in my little 20 minute fit last night after I got into a fight with the cab place dispatcher (yeah, how pathetic is that, I let some guy who makes 7 dollars an hour working the phones on a Saturday night get under my skin), I apologize, and I'm pathetic.

Needless to say, this is the second straight Sunday where I feel like an asshole as a result of things I said/did in a drunken fit. For whatever reason, I've had a real short fuse lately, and turned into an angry drunk, which isn't really like me. It's enough to make me wonder what the hell is wrong with me, b/c I have a great group of very good friends, who are all very good people, so it's definitely not that. It's not school, b/c I'm not even going this semester. I'm assuming that I must just be so stressed/fed up with my job that I'm venting it out at odd moments, like when I'm drunk. Either way, it's still annoying, and I can't imagine putting up with me on a regular basis right now.

Much Better....

Just for the record, I've learned how easy it is for a calzone from Tomaydo Tomahto to make my whole day go so much better. Also, it's absolutely beautiful outside, but really hot. However, to get that one hour reprieve from the claustrophobic office, I'll take a little bit of sweating around the unmentionables. Hopefully, it stays this night out so that I can enjoy it with a cocktail or three.

Also, I saw some of the quotes that made the AFI Top 100 List, and I have to say, that I was in a certain sense a bit disappointed. Granted, I'm not the most artsy person in the world, but there weren't a lot of funny movies quoted in there, and I know that the movies my friends and I quote the most often are comedies, not films made 30 years before I was born. True, I doubt that most of the people in charge of the AFI own Old School, Swingers, The Big Lebowski, or Van Wilder, but still......

Nevertheless, since I'm bored, I figured I'd post a few of my favorite quotes:

"She already left me once, I don't think she'd do it again just for kicks" George Clooney, Oceans 11

"Great idea Frank, one vagina for the rest of your life, congratulations" Vince Vaughn, Old School

"Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere" Ryan Reynolds, Van Wilder

"We got no jobs, we got no food, our pets heads are falling off!!" Jim Carrey, Dumb and Dumber

"I'm gonna make Gretzky's head bleed for super fan 99 over here" Vince Vaughn, Swingers

"Eight, Bob. So that means when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. My only real motivation is not to be hassled, that, and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired."
Ron Livingston, Office Space (tell me this isn't a definition of life for most of us)


So there, ingest, reflect, drink....2 hours till the weeknd...enjoy

Annoying

Let me start today by stating that I am NOT a babysitter. However, we have some new people that just joined our department that happen to be sitting right behind me. Not only are they completely lost and interrupting me to ask questions a lot, a couple of them are also the loud, excited to be in a new department type. This does not sit well with me on a Friday morning, for, as we all know, I am an impatient and unkind person.

Having said that, I'm sporting a pretty good headache today. And no, it's not from behing hungover. This time. So anymore comments about my drinking, well, save them for Monday.

Also, I'm apologizing up front to the city of Columbus, most notably the bars and the reception hall where the wedding I'm going to will be. I'm sorry for being drunk, retarded, and beligerent this coming Saturday. Hey, sometimes there is redemption in apologizing up front.

I wish I had something more interesting to write about, but sadly, I'm lame.

Additionally, I'm helping a co-worker come up with songs to play at their wedding, you know stuff that's fun and will get people up and dancing. I could use some suggestions, since most of my musical tastes are not all fun, happy party music.

11 Days Until Las Vegas

I Really Am Out of It

I must have really not been paying attention to my entertaiment and gossip sites.


Apparently Martha Stewart is taking over The Apprentice. Are you serious??? How did I miss this? Sadly, she's not releasing her "You're fired"-type catch phrase. I mean really, Marth f-ing Stewart? Was Katie Couric not available? What are the challenges going to be? Create fun and festive tableclothes? Design gift baskets for the poor? Perform successful insider trading deals without getting caught? Save Kmart from bankruptcy? Not that I watched the show before b/c I thought it was ridiculous, but come on.....

I think the catch phrase should be something along the lines of "Go Directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200" or...."Looks like you'll still be shopping at Kmart" while she smiles into the camera like a dope...

And This is Why Ibuprofen Was Invented

Kind of a rough morning over here kids. Went out with a couple of friends last night, had a few more than I should have, didn't roll in until a little before 1, courtesy of Drew and the Woodford girls. Well them and the left over beer from Saturday night. I didn't even really indulge myself, but apparently sleeping 5.5 hours and having a few cocktails isn't a recipe for feeling good in the morning.

You'd think at the age of 26 I'd have learned the phrase "No thanks, I need to go home and get some sleep" in our language, but obviously, I'm retarded.

Other than that, I have very little of interest to discuss today. I know I posted something earlier that I probably need to address, but this isn't a good time for it. Mabye another time kids.....

Shoot Me

I can honestly say I've never wanted out of a situation more than I do right now.

Let's just leave it at that.

12 Days To Vegas

Miscellaneous

This is a couple of weeks old, but:

"You know what? I'm sure drug dealers on the street in some way, they're making money. That's what I equate it to. Here's the thing you have to understand with psychiatry. There is no science behind it. And to pretend that there is a science behind it is criminal."-- Tom Cruise on the evils of psychiatry

Tom. Please. Stop. Talking. Seriously. Accredited phsyicians and drug dealers are the same thing? Nice. Hopefully when Katie finally snaps out of whatever funk she's in and leaves him, and he has a complete breakdown, the shrink they send him to will remember this. I can only imagine how that conversation would go.


Tom: You know, doctor, I'm really feeling awful and depressed, and coming to grips with my age and potential homosexuality is really frigthening to me.

Doctor: Well, Tom, after the end of a relationship, even one that's a total farce, it's common to feel like that. I'd be more than happy to prescribe something to you, but since I'm nothing more than a drug dealer, I certainly don't think that would be appropriate. Here try this instead. (hands him a piece of paper)

Tom: What's this?

Doctor: Directions to the tallest building in town. Go up the the top floor, walk outside, and jump. Let Nature take it's course.

Okay, so that was bad, but I'm having a rough day. I got to work 20 minutes late b/c somebody flipped their car on the Valley View bridge and backed up traffic for oh, about 5 MILES. Apparently, on a straight strech of highway you can actually still flip your car over. In broad daylight. On a clear day. That figures...

13 Days until Las Vegas/18 Days until Las Vegas stories.

There. Now we can both be excited. And when I say both, I mean myself, and my four readers.

By the way, just a note, when you have questionable cholesterol, beware of the office food day. You know the ones where people bring in food and order out and stuff? Donuts, pizza, chips, soda? This is not a balanced diet. Fat kid is taking lunch and going for a walk.

Crybaby, Cry

I know everyone has already heard the Tom Cruise squirted by a fake microphone at a British movie premiere story. I have to say, I think it was pretty damn funny. It was also sad, b/c it made Tom look more and more like a homosexual. Couple of quick thoughts on this one:

First of all, Tom, really, it was WATER. I'm pretty sure that you, in all your metro-sexualness, have taken a shower, or come into contact with water before. It's a pretty natural part of our society. However, perhaps because of your Scientology/cult background, you can only accept water that has been 'blessed' by L Ron Hubbard or something.

Secondly, could you have acted like any more of a pansy about it? You called the guy a jerk like 4 times and said something to the effect of "I'm standing here answering your questions, and you do something like that" Tom. Shut. Up. You're not intimidating. You're 5'7, 150 lbs. I think Katie might be able to take you. Besides, the only reason anyone wants to interview you now is to watch you melt down and jump on a couch. I'm surprised you haven't started paying two guys to carry a couch around with you wherever you go just so you have something to jump on when anyone asks you a questiong.

Finally, seriously, your a pansy. Did I mention that? If you were that "mad" why didn't you do something about it? Would Russell Crowe have stood there and done nothing? Doubtful. He probably would have fed the guy his prank mic and laughed about it on Letterman the next day. Take notes, really.

On another note, I finally feel human today after taking a day and a half to recover from my hangover due to Saturday nights' debacle. It's nice to be able to taste food again, let me just state that for the record.

Two other things 14 Days until Las Vegas. I need a name for this trip, a little help please?

Wedding Carousel 2005 continues this weekend, with an episode in Columbus. Open Bar anyone? Sold. Hopefully the trip will include a stop at Frog Bear Wild Boar Bar.

Weekend Review, and Stuff Like That

I'm too lethargic to type in a narrative form this morning, so this is getting done in convienent, memo/letter style. You know like Sarah always does, except hers are funny and interesting.

To the Woodford Girls

Steph: Thanks for dragging me out of Tequila Ranch. I was barely functioning at that point, completely incoherent, and probably would have tried to walk back to Lakewood from downtown, had you not hauled me out of there

Diane: I'm apologizing, b/c I'm sure at some point, I said something innappropriate to you while we were sitting in the living room once we got back to your house. That or I woke up your neighbor yelling at my broken cell phone.

Kim: I'm pretty sure that I stole the recliner from you when you were already sitting in it. I tried to just sit on the arm of it, but in my drunkeness, balancing wasn't something that was going to work either. Besides, you're bed was 20 feet away, so you totally had a place to sleep, that chair had my name all over it, if I could have spelled it at that point.....

Sarah: (auxiliary Woodford girl): Thanks for babysitting me in the cab so I didn't puke, even though you were also a mess. You rock.

To Other Offended Parties

Matt: Thank you for babysitting me while I was fighting my cell phone at Tequila Ranch, including holding my beer while I was trying to fix the phone so that I didn't spill MORE of it. I probably yelled at you too, I'm sorry.

Aaron: You were supposed to crash at my house Saturday night, and I don't know if I lost you, or vice versa, but we ended up seperated. Fortunately another friend was kind enough to take you in.

Drew: I always, always yell at you when I'm drunk. I probably did it again. You should be used to it by now. Toughen up.

My Entire Touch Football Team: I really sucked on Saturday. I mean, big time. I owe all of you a much better performance than that Steve Bellisari-ish debacle.

Tequila Ranch: How/why did you serve me alcoholon Saturday? You had no right to. I don't even remember walking up to the bar to place the offending order. You should probably have your liquor liscence revoked, but I won't reccommend that b/c you have really good food.

My Cell Phone: F-off. Seriously. How many times can you really stop working? I had to go buy a new one on Sunday thanks to you. Awesome. Word to the wise- refurbished phone=crap.

Well, hopefully that covers it, and if not, I'm sorry to everyone else who happened to have to cross my path on Saturday night. Really, to punish myself, I will take the traveling circus that is myself to Columbus this Saturday, and inflict this on the residents of that fair city.

Help Wanted

Well, in light of the response that I got to this post from Wednesday, it's become obvious that I need to bring on some staff to help me with my personal affairs. Hey, if Van Wilder can have an assistant and Toren can have her little Sidekick, then I think I can open up a position for a screener.

What is this you ask?

Simple, as Sarah and Diane pointed out, I simply need someone to help ensure that I'm no longer dating the moderately insane, the unattractive, or the relatively uninteresting. Simply put, the screener must be able to do quick, accurate evaluations of members of the female gender to ensure their ability to not drive me insane, and/or not be completely shunned by my friends for being retarded (MJ).

So what qualifications am I looing for for this position? Simple

1) You must be female. If you're a guy, you're just a wingman, and potentially out for your own agenda. That just won't work.

2) You must be reasonably attractive, but not so much that you intimidate the other girls. I don't want to roll around any of the bars with an unattractive girl. Seriously.

3) You must be reasonably unselfish, remember, you're working for me here. We're out for my social agenda here, not yours.


Interested? I thought so. I expect to receive a lot of applications, considering that the primary responsibility will be to hang out and go out on weekends with me. Hurry, apply now!

I Should Have Stayed In Bed

I really should have figured it was going to be a bad day.

I left for work at the normal time this morning, only to arrive 20 minutes late b/c some idiot stalled in the center lane on the highway, backing traffic up about, oh, 5 miles. Nice work asshole.
Listen, if you want to have a crappy, unreliable car, or you are forced to by your economic situtaion, that's fine, I respect that, it's not easy for everyone. But you know what? Keep it on the side roads, not the highway. You don't need to hold up half of a damn city for this, do you?

After that, assorted garbage went down the tubes at work, mostly things that I am hesitant to discuss, based on the fact that I read a story about employers firing people for posting negative things about their employers on their own personal blogs. Let's just say that a few things happened that directly affected me today, that I can't say most would think to be fair, and leave it at that.

Sadly, this is all I can post right now with my energy level being what it is. I saw Batman Begins tonight, and it was spectacular. I mean, really a good film, the best of the 5 Batman movies if you ask me. It was much darker, and much less cartoonish than the other ones. Katie Holmes wasn't even that bad, but, sadly, she's decided that she'd like to committ a massive career suicide via Tom "Crazy Cult Leader" Cruise. Seriously, what would Dawson say?

Jesus Walks!

Really, the cops claim they don't know what was going on w/ Florida State QB Wyatt Sexton when they found him face down in the street, claiming he was 'God' or, 'the Son of God'. Really?
He went to a Dave Matthews Band show, got found face down in the street, and referred to himself as 'God'. Who wants to play-Guess the Narcotic? Seriously- Normal healthy young adults don't act like this. I'm putting my money on LSD, based on the fact that if he was drunk they would have just given him public intox and been done with it.

The best part? They didn't even arrest him!! Surprise! This happened in Tallahassee, the home of Florida State University. Lucky for him he wasn't in Miami....

There's Comedy, Then there's dating in your mid-20s

So here's a fun story for you for today.

Two weekends ago, on a Saturday night, I was at the bar with a couple of the guys that I normally hang out with. Actually, it was a couple of different bars, but who's counting. Anyway, there was this girl that was at both bars, we talked at both places, and exchanged numbers. She's a little bit young, but she was relatively interesting, and I figured, why not, you never know.

We played phone tag a couple of times over the last week, and even had plans to go out on Sunday. This is where the fun happens. We exchange text messages and calls on Sunday. The last time I talked to her on Sunday she asked if we could reschedule. Since I wanted to go play basketball and hop in the pool that night, I gladly rescheduled with her, she even claimed to feel bad, and said that we definitely would get together on Tuesday. This was after she apoogzied for backing out. Of course Tuesday was yesterday. This is the fun part.

I sent her a text, asking what time she wanted to meet up.
I get one back from her about 20 minutes ago that says:

"I'll feel bad if I don't call him back."

What? Now obviously, this wasn't intended for me. It may have been about me, but definitely not me.

This was my response text: "You'll feel bad if you don't call who back?"
Her text: "What?"
Me: "You sent me a text that said 'I'll feel bad if I don't call him back', I'm guessing you meant to send that to your friend, not me, guess you hit the wrong key on your phone. Later.

I didn't get a response after that...not sure why.... (sarcasm)

So I took what I probably would have spent on going to a movie and drinks, bought a bottle of Captain, and chilled out on my porch and listened to the Tribe game. It was a much better night, I can see Mr. and Mrs. Smith anytime.

Fortunately, I was only going to go to fulfill the committment, I didn't really have much interest in this girl anyways, so I guess it worked out for everyone.

No, Really.....

Well kids, the Apocalypse is upon us. Katie Holmes is converting to Scientology.

This is troubling to me for a number of reasons.

1) Katie is obviously in love with a gay man
2) I've heard of people converting to religions when they get married, but usually, they're some kind of a real religion.
3) Katie, you're not marrying 'Maverick'. Kenny Loggins is not coming to play at your wedding, and you won't fly off into the sunset in an F-14.
4) Again, even if he is famous-he's divorced twice already for a reason. He's F-ing crazy. Really, were you watching that debacle on Oprah? or not?

Keyword Joyness-

To the unfortunate Interenetter that was searching for

hit me baby one more time haddaway gay

I apologize, for there is nothing like that going on around here. I don't even think he is gay.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Who Turned my Clock Ahead??

Really, the warmer it gets outside, the more I feel like I've got some kind of a gnome or something that sneaks into my room at night, kicks me in the back (b/c it's killing me right now), and then turns my clock ahead 3 hours in the middle of the night, thereby robbing me of precious, precious sleep. So if you see me tonight, and I look like a freaking zombie, that's why.

Also, I need to start shopping for Vegas. Mostly stupid stuff, like travel size bathroom type things, some clothes, maybe a new pair of sunglasses, and definitely, definitely a straw hat.
Along with that, I need to find a book or two to take for when I'm laying around by the pool, b/c I know I'll do that at least one or two days. I know, I'm a dork. But if anyone has any suggestions about what would be worth picking up to read, fill me in.

One other thing: To the people at Tuition Reimbursement at my company: You are retarded. I put my course approval form in 6 months ago, and now you're saying you don't have it? I want my 4 grand, and I want it NOW. Keeping things on file is your JOB. That's all you have to do, keep it on file, take the grades, record them, and PAY ME BACK. This may or may not be the most irritating thing in the world right now. At least until I go to get fitted for tuxedos for the weddings tonight, and find out that I'm getting fatter. That will be sweet too.

What you Talkin' About, Willis?

I couldn't resist.

VH1 Named Gary Coleman as it's Number One child star of all time last week.

Sadly, Todd Bridges didn't crack the top ten. Apparently that whole crack smoking thing really hurt him.

Apparently, the list is 100 names long...and I swear, if Jaleel White isn't in the top 25..heads will roll...heads will roll

Again, Nothing, but at Least its Friday

I'll be starting a new feature here, that will be of NO interest to anyone reading. The official Vegas countdown. Why? Because I have nothing else to look forward to between now and Vegas, unless you count the continuation of Wedding Carousel 2005, which continues this weekend in downtown Cleveland. Hopefully I won't pass out in the cab on the way home from the reception, but the odds on this happening are pretty high based on some of the people that will be at this thing, and they're ability to be total enablers (Steph).

I totally missed "Hit Me Baby One More Time" Last night, but it's on TiVo so I'm sure I'll get to it this weekend, but it looks like Sarah already covered it better than I ever could, so I might not have much to say, other than some comment on Vanilla Ice winning, which to me is the most amazing thing ever.

Also, one item of note, as much as I hate working, I heart coming to work on Fridays because there are about 8 people in my office and it's so much more laid back. It's gotten to the point where I can actually listen to the radio on the internet (Launchcast, thank you for having a good alternative station with no commercials. Amazing) and we actually get things done.

By the way- Buttons on the cuffs of my shirt: Why do you pop off of my shirt just because I tugged on the cuff to pull it back down my wrist a little bit. I understand that I'm not the classiest person in the world, but I prefer not to walk around wearing a shirt that looks like it was purchased at a garage sale. Anyone know how to sew? Look me up...seriously.....

What I'd be doing right now if I was 17 again....

It's amazing how getting older makes you realize how much easier your life was when you were in high school. I realized this as I was slogging through downtown traffic at 5:45 the other day, when it was 90 degrees out, and I had been shackled to a desk for most of the afternoon.

I remember when I was in high school, specifically after my senior year. That summer, I was still living at home (obviously), had a car, and lived 10 minutes from the beach. Between that, and managing to structure two jobs around my afternoons at said beach, and I had it made, to say the least. The two jobs at the time you may ask? Working for my father doing deliveries and working as a beer vendor at the minor league stadium in the previously mentioned beautiful town of Erie, PA. This was without a doubt the best job I've ever had (beer vending, not working for my father), and I'll gladly go into more detail about it at another time, I suppose.

Anyway, I was thinking about it, and I realized that life was much better when my typical summer day went something like this:


7:00 am Have my mother wake me up to tell me it was time to drive to my father's office. Curse my mother under my breath for waking me up that early during summer break. Hell yes it was her fault I was out till 1 am the night before.

8:00 am Arrive at my father's place of business. Curse him for being wide awake and going 100 miles per hour at 8 in the morning

8am-12pm Perform miscellaneous duties for my father, most of which included delivering cases to dentists, cleaning up around his office, and other menial duties. Primarily, I would cruise around Erie, windows down in the delivery car, listening to Pearl Jam, 311, Weezer, and the like on the delivery cars' tape deck

12:15 pm Pester my father that it was time for me to leave until he would get fed up and throw me out of the office. Have my father curse me and my terrible work ethic, then head for the beach.

1:00 pm Arrive at the beach, spend several hours playing volleyball, talking to friends, and pretending that I'm cool.

4:30 pm Head home for a free dinner, shower, etc. If it's a game night, head to the game to work another relatively easy job, of which I spent most of the time talking to friends and catering to the needs of drunks (funny how the two put together is my social life now)

If that's not an easy day, I don't know what is.......

Hit Me Baby One More Time- Week 2

The lineup for tonights' show, with the songs they are performing, goes as such:

Tommy Tutone

867-5309/ All The Small Things (Blink 182)

The Knack

My Sharona/ Are you Gonna Be My Girl (Jet)

Vanilla Ice

Ice Ice Baby/ Survivor (Destiny's Child)

The Motels

Only the Lonely / Don't Know Why (Norah Jones)

Haddaway

What is Love?/ Toxic (Britney)


This has beautiful trainwreck written all over it....don't forget to put in your votes for our little game...

Mostly Something About Nothing....

Now, not that I'm complaining or anything, but how did Cleveland go from "mid spring 50-60 degrees out" weather to "holy crap it's summer and it's 95 out" in the span of a few days? Granted I'm not too worried about it thanks to the glorious advent of A/C in my office, car, and home. Honestly, how people survived before us without air conditioning is beyond me. I don't care what anyone says about how spoiled my generation is....if not wanting to sweat through my sheets, stick to my car's leather interior, or smell like a stable from sweating for 53 straight hours is "spoiled" then sign me up for being a spoiled little bitch.

I went to a comedy club last night with a few of my friends, and it was a pretty good show. All 3 of the guys were pretty entertaining, and of course there were the standard number of Parma, OH jokes that we seem to get from at least one comedian each time they come through here. I don't get it. Is Parma that well known of a place that people who live in different states know of it, and know to mock it? Not that Parma is nice, or clean, or non-racist, but I'm just wondering.

The headliner was especially hilarious, as he spent a good part of his act talking about two topics of which I am eerily familiar with: drinking and hangovers. He had this especially funny exchange with himself and a hangover that I have to share.

Guy: Come on, I have shit to do today
Hangover: Correction. You HAD shit to do. Remember the 12 kamikazes at the bar last night? Welcome to my world.

Also, Hit Me Baby One More Time is on tomorrow night, same three categories from last week stand:

Most Popular
Worst Aged
Worst Cover


This weeks artists are priceless as well:

Vanilla Ice
Tommy Tutone
Haddaway
The Knack
The Motels

Eh....this one's not going to be easy....

I'm defnitely voting for Haddaway to win, The Motels as the band that aged the worst, and Vanilla Ice to do the worst cover...ever.....

If anyone has any suggestions for other categories, please let me know....just post it in comments

Things I Like More Than Work

Shopping on UrbanOutfitters.com
Reading ESPN.com
Making plans for tonight
Drinking Grape Propel Fitness Water (my new obsession, I'm so gay)
Shopping for straw hats for my Vegas trip on Ebay

Now, those are just the good things.

Other things that I would enjoy more than my job....

Being punched in the stomach
Watching Chaotic over and over and over
Tearing ligaments in my foot (sorry Sarah)
Attending Tom and Katie's wedding (granted this would be high comedy, but painful, because Scientology is lame)
Drinking warm beer
Paper Cuts under my fingernails
Swallowing broken glass....

You get the idea....

Beautiful Destin, Florida

I heard a great story on the radio this morning. Apparently, over Memorial Day Weekend, in the wonderful Gulf Coast town of Destin, FL, a homeless man set up a chair in front of a public parking lot, made himself a sign, and started charging everyone 5$ to park there. By the time the cops caught up with him, he was up 275$, which is quite a bit to me, let alone to a homeless guy.

I bring this up only b/c I realize that after hearing the words "Destin, Florida" that I could totally use a vacation. That, and for anyone looking to go on vacation, I fully advocate Destin, FL as a vacation destination. That is if you don't mind driving through the entire state of Alabama on the way down. That part is not so good. To put it in perspective, when we were driving back through Alabama on the way back up, the soundtrack for the entire 6 hours could have been the Sanford and Son theme song. Really, I've never seen so many pickup trucks packed full with piles and piles of assorted crap. They were like traveling garage sales.

What????

So I'm doing my daily duty of persuing the internet, and I of course wanted to check the Hit Me Baby One More Time website for a preview of this weeks' aging C-list trainwrecks, I mean, vintage performers. And I come across this. That's right, Vanilla Ice is doing a cover of a Destinys Child song. I'm not even sure if my TiVo can handle the number of times I'm going to rewatch this.

What's even more disturbing is that there is a link on there to "Buy the Best of Vanilla Ice".

Sorry, I don't buy singles anymore.....

And you are......?

Couple of quick things from this weekend, I'm actually kind of busy this morning, but wanted to share this with you anyways....

Funny story from Saturday, even though I know I mentioned this to a few people I saw in person on Sunday. A friends fiance, who works at a restaurant near my house, saw MJ on Saturday night when she was working. Apparently she came in (with some guy), and completely refused to acknowledge my friend. Trust me, it's not like she hadn't met her at least 10 times while we were dating, so classy move on her part. Which leads me to this mini letter....

MJ,

Really, I know that you think you are fabulous, and the most important person on the planet, we've covered that. However, the fact that you show your face in public with a guy that was described to me like this "he sort of looked like you, but shorter, and less good looking" makes me figure that he must make more money than me, because I can say with some certainty that he probably doesn't have a better personality than me. That being said, seriously, get off your high horse and say hello to somebody you've met before. Just because you didn't want to date me, doesn't mean you have to be the opposite of polite to other people who you've met. Again, another display of what a truly classy individual you are.

PS: You're officially a running joke amongst my friends, which is some kind of a record, b/c it's been going longer than we dated at this point. Seriously? Mojo-fest? What are you? 12? Good luck throwing that with the -$300 in your checking account.


((For the record, I'm not bitter, not at all......))


There, that's better, now I can focus my disgust at something more current, like work. Seriously, am I the only one that works for a company that can't seem to get anything straight? Really, you call it being flexible and adaptive in a changing environment, I call it not being able to plan and having to make a haphazard decision at the last minute and hoping that it works. Really, words can't describe my level of annoyance right now, so I'm not even going to bother to try.

Also, just a note, if I called, or sent a text, to offend anyone in anyway on Saturday night, don't blame me. Blame Pug Mahoney's and 75 cent drafts and 2 dollar shots. I can't be expected to act responsibly at that point.


Sorry, this is a totally random post, but I know that the 4 of you reading this know that I'm totally random to begin with, so it's totally fine. I'll give something funnier later, hopefully.....

Books? What are Those?

Yay, I got tagged to talk about books by Kara. Since we all know how much I love to read,
I can't promise that this is going to be any good, or carry any amount of depth. Hell, let's see what I can do

What is the total number of books I have owned?

What? I have no idea, probably a lot if you count text books from college and things like that. My parents own way more books than I do, or at least they did until they purged them before their last move. I would estimate that between all my old childhood books, text books, and the occassional book that I've picked up for some reason or another, I probably own 100-150 books or so. I guess I never really thought about it.

Last Book I Bought:

Sadly, the last book I bought was a text book for my Global Marketing MBA class. I can't say that I buy a lot of books to read for pleasure, I usually content myself with getting books at the library (i know, what am I? Homeless?) or borrowing them from friends.

Last Book I Read:

A Fistfull of Rain by Greg Rucka. He's a fiction writer, mostly mystery/thriller type books. Those have always been my favorite type of thing to read. It's about a guitarist in a fictional rock band that has just hit the big time, who's having major alcohol problems, massive family issues, and oh right, somebody is stalking her. Pretty interesting stuff. I highly reccommend any of his books.

5 Books that Mean A Lot to Me

1) Charlie and The Chocolate Factory: This was one of the first books that I read, on my own, from cover to cover. I'm sure I'll see the movie based on it that's coming out this summer, but I don't think any film could ever do this goofy book justice.

2) Charlotte's Web: The absolute first book that I read from cover to cover, and for some reason, I'm sure I'm not the only one. I think if you lived in the suburbs, and went to public schools, it was pretty much a sure thing you were reading this.

3) To Kill A Mockingbird: The first book of my young adult life that I can remember reading, adn probably the only book after the 7th grade that I was required to read that I actually did so without the aid of Cliff's Notes or anything like that. An absolutely deep, and amazing piece of writing.

4) False Start: This is the book that was written last year about the Cleveland Browns, and everything that has gone wrong or been done wrong involving the franchise since they came back into the league in 1999.

5) The Iowa Baseball Confederacy: Just a totally random fictional baseball book that takes place back and forth between present time and the early 1900's. For some reason I remember reading it one summer while I was in college. It's by the same guy that wrote the book that became Field of Dreams, believe it or not. It's just one of those well written things that makes you think.....

Proving Once Again That I'm Always Right

Just a few thoughts on Baby Hit Me One More Time before I talk about anything else....

-Is anyone else amazed by how annoying the British guy that hosted the show was? Seriously, he had the largest teeth I've ever seen. And really, Stephen Tyler called, he wants his mouth back....

-Arrested Development completely ruled last night, they were the only ones who didn't look like they were in pain, or completely embarrassed to be participating in this. Plus, I couldn't believe Papa OJ was still alive, he was like 107 the last time they were popular....

-Is Tiffany pregnant? Matt brought this up after the show...but really, a year ago, she weighed about 50 pounds less than she does right now.....I'm just saying....

Now, about this whole points thing we put together, after discussing the show with a few different people, and reviewing what was commented earlier in terms of voting, here's what I came up with.

Most Votes: Arrested Development (this was the easy one)
Fewest: They didn't show all the results, so we're throwing this one out....
Aged the worst: The consensus on this one was for Loverboy. Flock of Seagulls was pretty bad in this category as well, but the lead singer in all black, with sunglasses and a receding hairline? That hurt...
Worst of the Cover Songs: Flock of Seagulls...just awful. I mean, that song sucks anyways, and they made it worse somehow......

So that puts us here with points:

Me: 5 points (I'm the only one who got AD right...eat it)
Kara, Matt and Diane: 3 points- Good call on the Loverboy thing....yeah, they're like really old
Steph: 3 points for correctly guessing that Flock of Seagulls can't do their own songs, let alone someone else's....

I'll post something else of substance (or lacking substance later) , I need to do a little work...

Rambo: Old Blood

There's a Rambo IV that's apparently in preproduction right now.

Really, which would be worse? This? or a Rocky VI? I really hope I never have to find out.


Oh well, at least it won't have anything to do with Ben Affleck.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go work on the script for Blue Crush 2.....

Hit Me Baby One More Time

Just a few thoughts before we talk about tonights impending episode of "Hit Me Baby One More Time"

-I reread my live blog of Chaotic from last night, and I can't say that I'm real happy with it. Granted, it was horribly bland last night, and I was really reaching for material.

- In the battle over Ben Affleck, right now, it's a 2-2 battle according to the comments on this post from yesterday, sorry Sarah and Diane, I'm with Lindsey and Kara, he's still a tool....

- I'm using this space to apologize to my doctor right now. I'm sorry, I've tried to do the low-fat snacky food thing, and they all taste like garbage...I can't do it, just give me a portable defibrilator next time I come in.

Okay---On to the good stuff-

Tonight, we get our first of three gaunteed installments of Hit Me Baby One More Time.

Tonights Stellar performers:

A Flock of Seagulls
Arrested Development
CeCe Peniston
Loverboy
Tiffany

Now, I promised some kind of a fantasy game based on the show, but with only 3 episodes set to air, I wonder what they are going to do with it. So as opposed to any detailed type scoring system, I'm offering a very simple solution:

Pick the act to get the most votes: 5 points.
Pick the act that scores the lowest(if they even show them) 5 points
Bonus Categories: (these are a little arbitrary)
Artist or Group who the years have been the worst to: 3 Points
Artist or Group who does the worst job with their cover song: 3 Points

My picks:
Most Votes: Arrested Development
Lowest Score: CeCe Peniston
Group that has aged the worst: Flock of Seagulls in a landslide
Worst Cover Song: Loverboy (for they have always sucked)

If you want to play, just tag along, it's purely for entertainment, and comedic, purposes

More Chaotic than You

Boys and Girls

I apologize for taking over 24 hours to get you an update on Britney and Kevin: Come See Us On Divorce Court in August...However, these things do take time. That, and a fresh cocktail. Without further ado....


9:05-They start out with the goddamn night vision again. Really, I'm so damn sick of it. At least they aren't on screen making out this time.

9:06 They start talking about who loves who. Britney says she loves him, Kevin doesn't say anything. Britney tells him "Well I thought that's how I felt, but I take it back now" Do you think she had a lobotomy recently? Or has she always been this retarded.

9:08 Britney "All we do is live a bunch of different moments". Yes, and you, and I, and everyone else is going to be wishing for this one back.....

9:09 Britney smoking a cigarette. My faith in White Trash Britney is restored! Maybe they can start making a Britney WT doll to combat the Lohan doll.....

9:10 Britney boxing and goofing off with her bodyguards. Strange, but the first time in 3 weeks I haven't seen her with Kevin, or talking, and I don't find her nauseating.....

9:11 Kevin "Nothing worth having ever is (easy)" Well, I'll give him credit, he's working pretty damn hard on this scam.....so I guess it isn't easy.....

9:16 They start talking about Brad Pitt, and sleeping with other people, and I'm not even sure if either of them are capable of coherent thoughts......

9:18 Britney smokes again! Awesome. Every mother of a 12-15 year old girl just cringed more in the last five minutes than during the Britney-Madonna kiss incident. Remember kids, dyking it out is just an experiment, smoking is flat out bad for you.....

9:20 Britney "I feel like I'm living a movie right now" Really? Then turn off the fucking camera.

9:22 Britney and Kevin talk about how they are feeling for each other, with Kevin saying that it's not a hook up that it's "one of those things that's too good to be true" I'm melting my flip flops to my feet using a lighter right now.......

9:24 Britney talks about how Kevin was being a control freak when they went to the clubs. Chill baby. He's just protecting his cash cow...ya know??

9:26 Extreme close up and extended speaking part for K-Fed. Can we get an over/under on what year he completed in school? I'll say 10th grade....and take the under.

9:27 Kevin "I'm far from perfect" Smartest thing he's said in 3 weeks, maybe even his entire life.

9:29 Show's over. My alma-mater just called and asked for their diploma back......

Minor Delay

I know, I know, there's no Chaotic liveblog up yet....I get it, I have a problem.

Actually, I just didn't get home until late last night, and then was all kinds of tired, so I really never got to watching the Tivo of it. I promise, that I will have a full recap for you tonight, as soon as I get home, do a bunch of crap, and get settled in. Promise. (Don't worry, last I checked, Lindsey hadn't done hers yet either, so apparently I'm in good shape)

Also, just an item of note. I was watching The Sum of All Fears on Monday while I was resting off my 4th consecutive hangover, and I noticed something quite interesting: Ben Affleck is an awful actor. I mean, he's really bad. I kept watching him trying to be Jack Ryan and realized that I really dislike him. And I'm not saying that just because he's apparently on a quest to be engaged to every famous woman name Jennifer in the universe, especially ones with the last name Garner. I mean, really, he was much better off playing the moderately stupid, meathead smaller parts (see: Dazed and Confused, Good Will Hunting, Mallrats)

So that's it, I'm starting a petition: The Ben Affleck, Please Stop Doing Movies Petition.

It's totally fine girls, he can still be famous, even without doing anything (hey it's still working for Paris Hilton) so you guys can still totally look at him and drool on your pillows thinking about him at night, but this will spare us all from more atrocitities like Jersey Girl.....