Never Graduate

So, since I'm sitting around a lot during the day, sending out resumes, and leaving ESPN or TVLand on in the background, I get to hear a lot of commercials. This might be one of my favorites.....It's kind of hard to see, but that guy is definitely wearing a Texas A&M shirt....

Thoughts on 24 (Spoilers if you haven't watched 10a-11a)

Official Jack Bauer Terrorist Kill Count: 1 (I don't expect this to stay at 1 for too too long, really, it's 24)

Well.

Another week, another "Holy crap, did they just do that?" moment.

So, Graham, the guy that spearheaded multiple attempts to kill Jack in Season 5 is Jack's brother? I have to admit, I didn't see it coming, but I wasn't completely in shock either when it happened. I've officially adopted a policy of not thinking very far ahead in '24' for the simple fact that I'll drive myself nuts trying to figure out what's going to happen next, b/c either I'm wrong, or I'm disappointed that I've figured it out. So, I've done the thing that makes the show more enjoyable than anything. I just don't think about it till something happens.

The odd thing about this turn of events is that it's a rare time when Jack who knows less about a situation than someone else. Jack doesn't know that Graham was behind the plots of Season 5. At this point, he still thinks it was Logan, who took the fall, that masterminded it. All Jack seems to know is that his brother is not exactly an upstanding citizen who is possibly working to protect their father from Jack and the government.

And that was enough to get Jack to punch his brother, tie him up with a lamp cord, and then put a plastic bag over his head from behind. For an episode where there were a lot more plot moving agents than action segments, the 5 minutes or so at the end where this took place definitely balanced things out.

Also, we're definitely getting our requisite amount of "drama inside the White House" this episode, and I'll all say is: I know David Palmer, and Wayne Palmer is no David Palmer. That being said, I think he's handling it well and doing a good job of not succumbing to the pressures from more aggressive members of the administration.

So where do we go from here? Well, we're getting Jack's dad in the next episode, the previews gave us that much.

Jack's probably going to do a good amount of torturing Graham, at least in the beginning of the ep, also a positive.

Also, as much as I don't want to look ahead, I want the backstory on this whole thing with Jack and Graham's wife (Marilyn), that just plain looks like fun.

Oh, did I mention that's there's still 4 tactical nukes floating around LA somewhere? Yeah, someone is going to need to find those.....

Dreaming.....

I will, for the record, get to last nights' 24 in a little bit, at some point today.
I'm still not sure if I'm in a place where I can process all of it, especially the ending.

I must be eating something wrong, or must be a little off lately, b/c I've been having some messed up dreams lately. Sunday night I had a dream about 24, which I was okay with b/c we had just watched it, etc. However, last night, I had this really wierd dream. I dreamt that when the Browns came back in 1999 (which would have been my junior year at BW) they were so bad that they had an open tryout. Of course, that makes sense, b/c 1) They were terrible and 2) Their training camp facility is 4 blocks from campus.

Then, it gets wierd. In my dream, apparently I made the team as the 4th QB. Yes, I know, teams don't carry 4 QBs on the active roster. It was a bad dream. OK?

And, since the team was so bad, apparently (in my dream) the other quarterbacks all got injured, and somehow I ended up in a game. And I was awful, b/c I was still my regular old 5'10" small handed self. It was one of those like imagined, really embarrassing moments. I was like one-for-four with 3 picks or something? Like everytime I threw the ball it didnt' work out, b/c NFL balls are huge and I have tiny little 12 year old girls hands.

I really need to get a job, so I can start dreaming about work and stuff like that again, like a normal person.

Please Don't Ever put a Knife through my Knee

WARNING! This is totally all about the first two hours of '24' Season 6, so don't go any further if you don't want it ruined b/c you didn't watch for some reason.

Official Jack Bauer Terrorist Kill Count: 1*

Let's start off with this: Jack looked like hell. I mean, I don't know much about Chinese prisons, or being a political prisoner, but let me just say that if how Jack came off that plane looking was any indication, then no thanks.
But really, that little exchange with Bill and Curtis when he's sitting in the hanger right after he got off the plane, when he could barely even find a voice? Just give Kiefer his Emmy right now, there's no point in even putting it up for a debate.

I think my favorite part of the episode, other than Jack getting away from the terrorists, was Wayne Palmer's reaction to Jack getting away from the terrorists. You could see him smile a little, though obviously in complete disbelief. It was kind of like in his head "thank God I didn't end up resposible for the death of someone who saved my brother's life x3 at least" combined with "only f'ing Jack could get out of that situation"

I already pretty much hate Peter MacNicol's character (Tom Lennox) He sucks, a lot. Obviously that's his role, to play the "Presidential advisor who keeps coming up with really bad ideas", but still.

Wayne Palmer as President by the way? That one's a bit of a stretch for me in the plausibility department, but I'll take it. What was his campaign slogan, I wonder? "At Least I'm not Charles Logan"? That's really all it would have taken, I suppose.

Also, can we discuss the fact that Taj is a freaking terrorist? Yeah, I know he was in other movies since Van Wilder, but really, it's Taj, okay? And he just shot that guy! And he's going to be blowing stuff up, obviously, or he wouldn't have a "package" stuffed behind the wall of his house.

It kind of made me think a little bit when Jack was standing there, before they went to chase down the next subway bomb and he says "I don't know how to do this anymore". It was like between the mental and physical abuse he took, and the fact that he obviously shouldn't be in any condition to do this, he doesn't have a choice. And you'll notice, that, in the moment, he's fine, and still able to do what it takes. When he has to, he can. I found it telling though, that he couldn't torture that terrorist. It was like he knew what it was like to be on the other side, and even though he needed the information, he just couldn't bring himself to do it. It will be an interesting story line to follow, for sure.

Let's put it this way. It was son intense that I watched it last night, then had a dream about what was going to happen tonight. All I remember was that it involved a missle targeting CTU and Jack almost drowning. So, obviously, I'm way off. Some crazy shit is going to happen tonight, that much I know, just from knowing how this show works.

*Oh, and really, a note on the killing? He BIT A GUY'S NECK!!!! Are you serious?
I was going to give Jack more kills, but that guy on the subway did blow himself up, and Jack was trying to stop him, so I can't give him that one.

Four More Days....

Am I the only person in the world that is seriously growing impatient with waiting for the new season of '24' to start? After plowing through Season 5 in a mere three days, thanks to that lovely flu bug, I've developed a nervous tic everytime I see a commercial or a teaser for it on Fox. It doesn't help that they carry the NFL playoffs, and they had the national title game this week, (which, by the way, I'm NOT going to dicuss, ever. I don't even think it actually happened) so therefore I've seen approximately 1,398,469 teasers for the show. What's probably most sad is that plotting out my Mondays to watch 24 is the most structure I'll have had in a month. This is probably not a good thing, at least until I start working again.

At least it's almost the weekend, and I can somewhat put the job hunt on the back burner for a day or two. I've gotten into such a rut of getting up in the morning, checking email, eating some breakfast, and then some combination of doing whatever needs done around the house and spending a good 4 hours or more a day looking for jobs that by the time the weekend rolls around, I don't want to think about it for a while.

How long has this been going on? Let's put it this way, according to my iTunes, I have 8 days worth of music on there, and in the last 3 weeks, I've plowed through most of it, even the stuff I really hate. I'm just saying, I didn't even know I HAD Air Supply on there.

Fortunately, I'm looking forward to this weekend. I have a date on Friday, with someone that I've gone out with a few times already and like, but we've had to cancel out on each other the last two weeks b/c we took turns getting sick. I think ti's going to be a pretty low key dinner-and-movie thing, but we have fun when we hang out, so I don't think it matters what we do.

However, here's the thing with doing the dinner and a movie thing. At least for me.

Problem #1- Late movies (the after 9pm starts) are almost night killers, as far as I'm concerned. You get out of the theater at 11:30 or something, after being anchored ass-to-chair for 2+ hours, you don't really feel like doing much.

Problem #2- I HATE being rushed through dinner, esp on a Friday night. There's a time to rush through dinner, and a date when you've first started seeing someone is NOT the time. Unfortunately, since the theaters start most of the movies between 7 and 7:30 you're either going to rush through dinner, or you're going to dinner at like 5. With the seniors. No thanks. I mean, really, can I get a movie that starts at 8:15? Seriously.

So, I'm voting for an earlier showtime and a later dinner. Obviously, it's not all up to me, but that's the suggestion I'm going in with.

Unfortunate

So, this newly discovered patience that I have allowed myself in the job search, the one that keeps me from taking the first thing that comes down the line, and hopefully means that I'll end up getting something that is at the very least a good career move and financially rewarding, has had it's side effects.

Ever since I've stopped working, I've been a bit on the bored side, but up until about 3 weeks ago, school took good care of that, believe me.

Bored is the least of my troubles though, at this point. It's been a long couple of weeks, between getting the flu, arguing with certain people, and my own personal touch of neurosis that I hold so dear to my heart.

Left to my own devices, and too much free time, I'm very capable of over thinking, over-analyzing, and over worrying things. The unpleasant offshoot of this is that I end up hiding in my house, listening to angry music, and feeling crappy about myself. And, as usual, it's a direct result of worrying too much about what other people think, or how they feel. Such is life.

Five Days In, And......

Well, I promised myself that this would be not only a new year, but a new perspective. I would accomplish more. I would worry less, and all the little pitfalls that I've tripped over in the past would remain there. You know, in the past, and all that. Instead, I catch myself doing more of the same. Worrying, thinking that I don't measure up.

Maybe it's the fact that I haven't been gainfully employed for 6+ months.

Maybe it's the year and something without a meaningful relationship, or even a hint of one.

Maybe I'm just too hard on myself, in general.

I want so badly to succeed in every aspect of my life, that I kill myself over it if I'm not doing well in any/all of them.

It's silly, and it's hard, b/c I can't change, completely, obviously. I know the standards and whatnot that I hold myself too, and they aren't limited, that's for sure. I guess I'm just frustrated, b/c I feel like I'm putting a decent amount of effort in to certain things, both personally and professionally, and feel as though I'm just beating my head against the wall. And that's not an easy thing. When you care about someone or something, you want to feel some kind of reciprication, or reward, in return, otherwise, it feels helpless, worthless, and just plain silly.

Recovery, Physically and Otherwise.....

You know that little mention I made of feeling pretty ill last Thursday night? Well, let's just say that from about 15 minutes after that till sometime Monday, I was victim of an illness the likes of which I hope I never experience again. I was VERY sick. I spent most of Thursday night crippled on the bathroom floor, and the better part of the next few days doing the following:

1) Being mis-diagnosed with pnuemonia
2) Not eating
3) Living on a combination of prescription drugs, tea, juice, and Tylenol PM
4) Realizng that if you're going to get sick during the NFL season, don't do it in Week 17

I mean really, there were NO games worth watching. Couple that with spending New Years on the couch (lame) and it was a pretty vicious case of the flu. Now, sadly, a lot of other people I know have it. Fortunately for me, I'd imagine by now that I've pretty much got my immunity up on it, for what it's worth.

On the bright side of all of this, I managed to not have a hangover on New Years Day, which in a way wasn't a bad thing. I caught up on sleep, and plowed through all of Season 5 of '24', so now I'm ready for Jack to come back from China in about 11 days.

So that's it. I'm alive again, and seriously hurting for some human interaction. And I really hope nobody else comes down with this flu thing. Seriously.

Sickly

Well, how's this for a turn of events?

So, somewhere along the line, within the last hour or so, while I was having a drink with some friends, I started to feel sick. Not like a little sick, either. More like, drop to your knees stomach pain and throwing up sick.

I have no idea what I ate, or what I did to myself, but I haven't felt this awful in a long freaking time. Maybe it's just the culmination of stress and not sleeping enough, etc etc, but man, not good times. Hopefully, I'll feel better soon, b/c there are somethings I'd really like to do this weekend.....

Cleaning up

Yeah, I know, again, a week plus without a post. Listen, it took me three days to waddle to my computer after the copious amounts that I ate Sunday, Monday and Tuesday while at home, so tough luck.

It's not like a lot is happening though, it's the end of the year, there hasn't been a darn thing good on TV in a while, everything has been on reruns for the holidays, so I haven't even got anything that's been on to talk about.

Well, except this, maybe:



I don't even have words for this. I know I've made my remarks about Timberlake in the past, and well, I still don't really care for his style of music, but really, this may be the funniest thing I've ever seen.

And yes, I've been watching this instead of finding a job. Classy, I know.

Christmas was pretty standard, which is why I don't have a ton to say about it. We see most of our relatives on Thanksgiving, so Christmas is just me and my parents. In a way it's nice, b/c it's totally low key, and I'm not bouncing around to 9 different houses like some of my friends have to. However, it does mean fewer presents, and we all know how I feel about that. Bad.

The Sounds.....

Well, I got tagged to talk about what I'm listening to right now. I can tell you right now I'm not going to have 7 people to tag back with this, so I'm a total chain breaker, I know, I suck. So let's see, what seven songs am I listening to a lot right now?

1) This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race- Fall Out Boy
2) White Unicorn- Wolfmother
3) Where We Gonna Go From Here - Mat Kearney
4) Just a Thought - Gnarls Barkley
5) Waitress - Live
6) You're All I Have - Snow Patrol
7) Thunderstruck - AC/DC

I probably could have kept going on this one.....
I'm not going to force anyone's hand on this, feel free to jump on board if you want.....

Moving Forward

I reread that post and realized that it might have sounded, I don't know, a tad on the angry side. That honestly wasn't directed at most of the peolple that I know read this blog. Most of you are good friends in some way, and have been supportive of me as I've gone through all the stuff that's happened this year. Most of the people who have doubted me are people from my past professional life, and people in my personal life that I've put far behind me, for obvious reasons.

So, that's that.

I AM done with school though. Graduated, etc. Well, not technically graduated, but I never have to take another class again. So that's the good news.

Last nights final was no picnic, that's for sure. I handed in my blue book (yeah, really, a blue book, in grad school) and said to the professor "Well played sir, well played" And left.

Today is the true catharsis of the whole thing, where I get to throw out all of my old papers and what not. That's the most fun. That, and listing my books on Amazon so I can get some money out of them.

This is the End, my Only Friend, the End.....

My last final ever ended 6 hours ago. I'm done. I have my MBA. I acheived, in spite of those who said I couldn't, who said I wouldn't.

I made it, on my own, of my own volition. To those who tried to stop me, who tried to hurt me along the way.....you can't. You won't. You never will. To the people who pretended to care when it was really all about their own personal gain...I know. You're sad, you're fake, and for the garbage pain you've inflicted on me, may you get it back tenfold.

Crammed

Today is it. D-Day. Last final. Ever. You know, unless I can't find a job and decide to go back for my doctorate. Right, so that's not very likely.

Tonight is the worst of the lot though, Corporate Finance. And the fact is, it's not even that I'm tired, but I'm just so worn down, pysically, emotionally, and mentally from all the stuff that's been going on around me for the last few weeks that studying is literally almost painful, and my usual day of cram session is pretty much turning to mush.

I'm certainly not going to be getting all negative right now, I can't afford that, I have to keep pushing forward and hoping for the best. In 5.5 hours, this will be over, for better or for worse.

I feel like I'm going to puke.

Coming to the Finish Line...Sort of....

So this is it. The last week (allegedly) of my academic career. I turned in one take home final earlier today, am in the process of finishing another one, then have only a project (which is f'ing huge) and a pair of tests to undertake.

I'm already tired. The body of a 27 year old doesn't battle like it used to, that's for sure. I could go on 5 hours of sleep for days in a row, and now, I feel like I HAVE to get a full 8 hours or I'm going to be useless the next day. I know I can do it for a few days in a row, and I'm tougher than I give myself credit for, but its a mental block I seem to be having a tought time with.

I'm scared though. Honestly. There is a lot of uncertainty that follows this, and really, I still have to graduate. It's not in the bag yet. I have a lot of crap to do over the next three days, a lot of information to process, and a lot to worry about still. Monday, my real job search begins, when I can be done stressing about all this school stuff, and I have no idea what that holds. I could very easily be in another city, far away from my friends and family, a mere 30-60 days from now. And you guys know me, I don't always do uncertainty very well. And change isn't really my friend either.

Leaving would be giving up a lot, and it IS something I have to accept as a possibility. The thing is, my friends are all here, my family is close by, and there is a lot to love about this town, even as much as people try to say that it's not a great place to live.

That being said, if the right opportunity presents itself, I have to consider it. Money isn't the end all of life for me, but the fact is, after I've worked for 5 years, learned more about what I am capable of, and what I do bring to the table on a professional basis, and after getting my MBA, I know what I think I'm worth, and I have to pursue that.

It's just a lot to think about, especially considering that I should be studying right now, that's all.

Since Its Somewhat of A Blizzard.

And, because Sarah keeps preaching about the Peter Cetera Christmas album, I figured I'd do a little searching for something much cooler. Note, this is mostly b/c I don't want to work on my take home finals anymore. They really suck, you guys, seriously.

But, Sarah, I see your Peter Cetera, and I raise you THIS


Seriously. That's so much cooler. Not that I would EVER buy it.

Apparently sick, as well as Exhausted......

You know how I know I'm depressed?

I spent 40$ at Target. For the second time this week.

Twice you guys. Seriously.

Nothing soothes like buying inane household objects and holiday themed snacky-things.

I mean, really, I spent $40 and got:

DayQuil (b/c I'm sick now)
Tea (ditto)
A Lamp (to replace the one I broke last night in my drunken stupor)
An Orange Crush t-shirt (b/c dorky clothing also cheers me up)
Pizza flavored Goldfish crackers (cause I'm a fatty)
Mint Hershey kisses (see above ref to holiday themed snacks)

And you know what? I don't feel any fucking better. Hopefully the tea will help, at least. It has chamomile. I have no idea what that is, but I want it.

Exhausted

So this is literally the third or fourth night in the row that I've gotten practically no sleep. You'd think for the hangover I have right now that I'd have gotten more than 3 hours of sleep last night.

Not true.

I just feel pretty beat down right now. There's a lot of things that seem like they are moving in the wrong direction, which isn't a good thing with only 2 weeks left of school.

I might stop blogging for a while too, not that I've been doing it all that much.
It just seems like all I've been using it for lately is another outlet for negative thoughts.

What's the worst is that the Browns are actually playing well right now, and I can't even enjoy that due to certain circumstances regarding the game. Just sucks. That's all.

You know, In Case you Were Wondering

Yes, things got worse yesterday.

Remember when I was kind of annoyed about being caught outside with no shoes and no jacket in a freezing downpoor? So, what could have possibly gone wrong after that? I turned my paper in, sat through a dull class, and then what?

I got locked out.

No, not "forgot my keys" locked out. I have a door that only locks from the inside now. The key for the dead bolt won't catching when using it from the outside. So, I'll be doing a little home repair today. Super.
So, at 10PM last night, I'm frozen, soaked, and hungry, and standing inches from my kitchen. WITH NO WAY TO GET IN!
And of course, the only other way into my house is to get on my deck and pop in through a window in the living room. Problem is, I'm on the second floor, and my landlord is never home anymore to let me come up the front stairs of the house.

Fortunately, Drew and Diane were kind enough to give me a place to stay. Drew had one of my old contact cases and they gave me a tooth brush. (Incidently, you guys are right, those sheets ARE amazing)
So, not knowing when my landlord will be home, I got up this morning, went to Home Depot, strapped a 20 foot aluminum ladder to the roof of the Maxima, and brought it home. Climbed it, barefoot, in the rain, with noone to hold the ladder, and got onto my deck, and into the house.
But, now that I'm showered, at least I feel a little bit better. Really, who else could this happen to? Seriously.

On another, unrelated note, and this doesn't apply to anyone specific I don't think, but I'm learning that a true measure of someone's friendship is their willingness to meet you half way in an argument. Sometimes, we get so wrapped up in "I was right" or "I know how I meant to say something" that we could care less for the impact of our words on the reciever. Sometimes, we want so badly to be right, or to be the stubborn one, that we could care less for the consequences, and we lose sight of the big picture. And sometimes, we get so mad at a person for something they said, that even when they say they're sorry, and they've done their part to make it right, we still can't be bothered, b/c we're still too self-important. And another thought, friendships aren't measured by the things you've done in the past, they're better gauged by how you treat someone in the present.

Eh, that's enough. I need to eat and go play Bob Villa....super.

Really? Seriously?

So, two posts in one day? That makes sense. Okay, no, it doesn't

I'm inconsistent. It's kind of fun that way.

So, THIS is how my day is going.

In the interest of being somewhat studious, I decided to come over to campus early today to finish up that paper I mentioned earlier. Coming to school during the day means parking off campus, as I have a restricted pass.

Well, shit, it's been 60 degrees and nice all week in Cleveland, so, no big deal. In fact, it was so nice out that I wore flip flops, and left my jacket in the car, figuring I'd get it later when I left to go get dinner.

Sadly, I didn't account for Mother Nature, and God's general dislike for me.
I finished what needed to be done in less than three hours. That's the good news. The bad news is, I'm hungry, it's dropped 20 degrees, and it's raining HARD here around campus. So instead, I'm stuck blogging. And pouting.

If I wasn't having a moderately annoying last 3 or 4 days, I'd probably just curse, and be done with it. As it is, I'm almost annoyed enough to just laugh, b/c really, who else would this happen to? At least there's a bunch of loud, inconsiderate undergrads in here that won't shut up so that I can ward off the headache I feel coming. I'm really old, you guys. Seriously.

Eff it, I don't care if I get sick, I want pizza.