Taking A Spill

I'm amazed that I haven't blogged more often lately, given that I'm doing just short of, oh, I don't know, NOTHING at work right now. Granted, I can't complain, b/c I am a total of 12 days or so away from being done with the company forever. Nothing to be mad about there.

So I was relaxing on my front porch the other day (because somehow, it's nice and cool outside, and a total f'ing sauna in my house) and I saw some kid learning how to ride his bike in the parking lot of the church across from my house. And I started thinking why don't I have any memories of my dad teaching me how to ride?

Then I remembered:

I got my first "big kid" bike when I was 5. Of course, it was black, with the foot brakes, the kickstand, and the requisite training wheels. The training wheels didn't last too long. (Surprise, I was impatient as a child too!!) Now, my birthday is in March, which in Erie means "the dead of fucking winter). So I didn't get a lot of practice in right away. By May, I was ready to ride outside though, sans training wheels. So on a relatively chilly afternoon, after a nice spring rain storm, my father takes me out with the intention of "learning to master this here bi-cycle".

There were two inherent problems here. One, we lived on a tar-and-chip road, which is a fancy form of well pressed gravel, with sharper rocks. Two, in front of all of the houses on both sides of the streets, there were open run-off ditches that filled (and occassionally overflowed) with rainwater. Oh, and I still hadn't ridden on my own, without the trainers. This sounds like a recipe for a concusion, doesn't it?

So we start out the old fashioned way, nice and slow, the old man holding onto the back of the seat, walking/jogging behind the bike, going only a quarter of the way up the street, letting me get a "feel" for it. Apparently, I thought I was doing well, b/c I said "Let's go all the way up the street and back"

Well, we made it up, again going relatively slow. I must have thought I was actually good at riding my bike at this point. Because after he helped me turn around, I hammered it.

To his credit, the old man kept up for a good 75 yards or so as I remember it. Then, well, physics took over, and I outran him. Unfortunately, I didn't know it. So I'm cruising, pumping away as fast as I can, when I realize that I'm getting close to our house on the corner. Dilema

I have to somehow stop, or get into the driveway quick, b/c our quiet, suburban street intersected with a relatively busy one. Not the place for a clueless kid on a bike. Without a helmet. Herein lies the problem though. I hadn't so much mastered slowing down and turning or braking. Whoops. So, I tried to turn it hard, while trying to brake, and maneuver into the driveway. Yeah, not so much. Instead, I ended up going flying off the bike, towards the yard.

Remember those run-off ditches I mentioned? Oh, they were full. And, I hit one, hard. Actually the water kind of broke my fall, you know, kind of. Oh, and the bike then bounced of the mailbox and landed on me. Awesome.


****Other note, I know Sarah already mentioned this, but Sunday we helped Drew and Diane move into their new, very cool house. For me, there were two highlights:

1) In the moving truck, Drew, Matt and I had a kareoke moment to Hootie and the Blowfish's "Hold My Hand"

2) Diane had an old wardrobe thingy that she was going to throw out, so she let the boys take the hammers to it. So. Much. Fun.

And I'm a dork.

The Countdown Continues

I've officially hit the wall. I only have 22 calendar days left at my job. There's no new work coming in, I've finished up almost all of my existing work, and I'm more or less getting stir-crazy over here. (Who says stir-crazy anymore anyways? Apparently, your grandma, and me.)

That being said, I'm relatively serene about the whole thing, possibly because I've scheduled for school, I have a severance package coming, and really, in some ways, it's going to feel so much like a vacation.

But then, I'll have to find another job, and that's going to suck. Because working for the man is so overrated. You except for that whole, "getting a paycheck" and "paying your bills" stuff.

Rockin Out

Stuff I'm currently listening to to the point that it'll bore me to death before long I'm sure......


Matchbook Romance- Monsters
Hard-Fi Hard to Beat
Pearl Jam- Life Wasted
Yeah Yeah Yeahs- Cheated Hearts
Panic! At the Disco- I Write Sins Not Tragedies
Brandi Carlile- Follow
Taking Back Sunday- Make Damn Sure
Buck Cherry-Crazy Bitch
Gnarls Barkley-Crazy

And yes, I'm a total dork. Anybody got anything I might like based on what I've listed here? Let me know

Two out of Three Mentally Impaired People Agree....

Always wear a helmet-



I couldn't resist that one. F*ck Pittsburgh.

A Little About A Lot

Unemployment Countdown: 36 Days

Again, I've managed to go over a week without updating.

I attribute part of this to the fact that I'm in Claustrophobia Row for the rest of my days here at the company. Unfortunately I used to have a seat in a relatively remote area of our floor, where I didn't have anyone in the cubes on either side of me, across from me, or behind me. Now I'm surrounded. Couple that with the fact that the person behind me is way too close b/c our row is so narrow that a pre-lipo Star Jones couldn't fit down it with a can of Crisco and a battering ram behind her, and you can see why I don't get a chance to "work" on my blog much lately.

Also, it's taken me a good 2-3 days to recover from the Pujols injury. Watching the Cards lose three in a row threatened to actually keep me in bed today, but I figured I'm already off tomorrow, since I don't do Fridays anymore, so I better get in here.

I'm not even going to talk about the Indians. I was going to post about them after going to the game on Sunday (where they got blasted by the Angels of Southern California/Los Angelas/Alameda County/Northern Mexico) but I decided that I don't write about minor league teams.

Oh, and for anyone paying attention, I'll be in Columbus Satruday night, hopefully less than sober, and hopefully ending up at Frog Bear at some point.......

People from My Hometown Continue To get Famous

Or is it infamous????

Folks, you wonder why I moved here 9 years ago? People like this is why

Catching Up

Good lord, I haven't posted in 8 days? Why? Oh wait, b/c I spent 3 days recovering from the Cavs playoff collapse, 3 more days being completely drunk and worthless, and 1 day at a wedding. So really, it's only been a day since I've posted. So, in interest of that, and the fact that nothing interesting has happened, I'll just throw a few things out there:

For Drew: Air Guitar World Champsionship Video

The girls in our group are going to Vegas for the weekend, leaving tomorrow, coming back Sunday, as Sarah already mentioned. As a public service, I'll make sure I compile some of the classy drunken text messages we recieve over the weekend, as I'll be with most of their boyfriends and husbands. I'll post them here for you as they come in.

The Indians (25-26) continue to flounder along like the team most likely to underachieve all season. When the season started I said I thought they'd win 95-97 games. I'm retarded.
At least I still have the Cardinals.

Also, I know this happened a week ago, but AJ Pierzynski getting punched in the jaw? File that under things most of us have been DYING to see happen. This is a great little reenactment. Trust me, you just have to see it.

Pistons 79-LeBron 27-Cavs 34

Well, the NBA got the outcome that I couldn't have imagined that it wanted.

LeBron is out of the playoffs.

I hate to sound like just another bitter Cavs fan, complaining about the refs, cursing ABC Sports, and hoping to attend the funeral of Rasheed Wallace during my lifetime just to spit on his grave, but that's what I am right now.

Fact is though, we still had no business being there. Our (alleged) second best player, Larry Hughes was a shell, getting his first significant minutes in over a week after the passing of his brother. Our (supposed) All-Star center pretty much seemed like he was part of a David Copperfield act, considering how many times he disappeared.

And quite frankly, I haven't seen a supporting cast this bad since the last season of the Cosby Show. I mean, really, Cousin Pam=Damon Jones. Neither of them are funny, nor do they bring anything but really odd fashion sense to the table.

The Cleveland Sports Tragedy montage was the epitome of class by ABC. Showing it once before the game wasn't enough. Showing it twice apparently was. If the game producers suddenly end up at the bottom of a lake somewhere, don't be surprised when it's Cleveland natives who end up being responsible.

The really insulting part of that is that those were all games or series that we were supposed to win. This wasn't really even a comparable situation. Yet, ABC decided that punching us in the stomach wasn't enough. They were going to steal our girlfriends and burn down our homes as well.

Hey, how about that Tribe? Oh, they're 22-22 and 7 1/2 games out already? Sweet.

At least I still have the Cardinals. I'm moving to St. Louis. Seriously.

Because He's LeBron James, and You Most Definitely Are Not...

It's almost 2 in the afternoon, and I think I'm just now coming down from last nights Cavaliers game.

If you don't follow basketball, or better if you live under a rock, you might not have noticed that the heavily un-favored Cavaliers just went up 3-2 in the best of seven.

When I say heavily, I mean Rosie O'Donnell after 5 days on a cruise ship heavy. The Pistons, they of two straight losses to the Cavs in Cleveland, went into the game as 11 point favorites.

Basically, the Pistons are a two time defending Eastern Conference champion. They have their bling, courtesy of an aging and decombusting Laker team in the 2003-2004 Finals. The Cavs have precisely one guy on the roster who's even been to an NBA finals: Eric Snow. Most of this roster hadn't seen significant playoff minutes.

Small problem: Apparently with all the fervor surrounding the playoffs, their win over the Wizards, and the unfortunate drama around Larry Hughes family, someone forgot to tell the Cavaliers that they didn't have any business winning even a game in this series.

The Cavaliers have won these games in a manor in which a team with limited experience, a young superstar, and a rookie coach aren't supposed to understand. They've played defense, limited possessions, maintained poise, and occassionally smacked Detroit in the mouth when necessary.

And sadly, most of the media is still just waiting for the other shoe to drop. For the Cavs to feel the pressure, Detroit to regain it's composure, and for LeBron and company to fold like a Walmart tent in a stiff breeze.

It still hasn't happened. It was supposed to go down last night. It didn't. The LeBronaires made their plays when they had to. Detroit looked scared, lost, and rattled.

And yet, the failures of the Pistons are still being attributed to the Pistons. They're beating themselves, making mistakes, not coming through. Here's my thought on that: By the time you get to this level, you've won a title, etc, you don't solely beat yourself. Someone has to make you do it.

By finally discovering that there ARE two ends of the floor in an NBA game, the Cavaliers are giving Detroit a taste of it's own heavy medicine. Ten blocked shots last night? Forcing Chauncey Billups to foul out? That's not just Detroit short-comings, that's the Wine and Gold exerting their will as an extention of that one man: LeBron.

Even if they don't win this series, which, being that it's a Cleveland team, I'm not going to rule out something bad happening. However, if nothing else, this has served as a notice: They're not just happy to be there to learn.

Scoop Jackson of ESPN.com said "Not only will the Pistons' 4-0 or 4-1 series win make LeBron face linear defeat for the first time in his career, the beatdown the Pistons will hand out will make him make sure he'll never go through anything like it again"

But, what if they win, what about the fact that they've taken 3 games from the "best team in the East". Isn't it possible that it didn't take a whole series of beatdowns, only a game and a half, for this young man to realize what needed to be done? LeBron's always taken to things ahead of schedule. Why should this be any different?

To top it all off, LeBron's been keenly reserved in his comments. Even after last nights game he said "This is just basketball, this isn't life or death"

It probably feels like it in Detroit.

They won't tell you that though. It's hard to say it when you've got your hands wrapped around your own collective necks.

Viva the LeBrons!

Note: I know that Grey's ended last night, and that 24 is getting all kinds of crazy out of hand, but really, I have plenty of time to talk about those two things. The Cavs, on the other hand, play Game 5 tomorrow night in Detroit. AND, they aren't playing to stave of elimination persay.

Why do I bring all of this up?

Because, the Cavaliers have been written off as too young, to inexperienced, too reliant on LeBron James, too soft and too over matched by the Detroit Prisonball Pistons to compete.

Because we live in Cleveland, and we're not supposed to exceed expectations, we're supposed to be set up for disappointment, for failure even. We're supposed to have our dreams crushed.
In this series, the relatively average, competent fan didn't even bother with dreaming. We figured 1 win, stealing a game somewhere, would be good enough. This team wasn't expected to win more than 5 games in this playoffs. Past that, it feels like one big bonus round. We're playing with house money.

The main reason I bring this up? Because it comes at the expense of Rasheed Wallace, that big mouthed, overrated, petulant, team killing piece of garbage. He runs his mouth like he's the one carrying that team on his back. Let me tell you, when you shoot 3 of 13 after shooting your mouth off like that? Priceless. You couldn't carry my left effing shoe, let alone a world championship team. Remember, this is the same guy who "lead" multiple playoff meltdowns against the Lakers as a member of the Portland JailBlazers.

Even better? He's STILL talking! Direct quote:

"I ain't worried about these cats," he said. "There's no way in hell they beat us in a series. They played well. I give them credit. We lost. We shot 30 percent and they had to play their best to beat us."

The Cavs had to play their best? Let's see. The Cavs barely out rebounded them (by 2), had more turnovers, (18 to Detroit's 14), and LBJ shot a rockin 8 of 23, and a bonus 5 for 10 from the line. That's the Cavs best game? If that's the Cavs best game, we don't win more than 35 games this whole season. We certainly don't beat San Antonio once in the regular season, and we sure as all hell don't take two from the "almight" Pistons. Oh, did I mention that we didn't have Larry Hughes for two games?

The moral here? Rasheed Wallace is a piece of garbage.

Because Someone has To

Disclaimer: If you don't watch, or haven't watched last night's Grey's Anatomy, then I wouldn't bother reading this. I'm just going to bore you or ruin things.

Okay, Let me start this by saying that I feel like someone has to play devil's advocate, or defend the writers, or something like that.
Both Sarah, and well, Sarah, have basically slandered this show, for the story lines, the poor choices by the characters, and the general loss of control that seems to have taken place. I had two people tell me seperately that the show has jumped the shark already. Mind you, we still haven't hit the end of this season.

Here's the thoughts. And such:

1) Listen, I dislike the Izzie and Denny storyline thing as much as anyone. I think she's way over the line, and etc etc etc. But here's the thing. She hasn't gone completely crazy. Is she being completely immature? Absolutely. She's totally crossing a line that they're supposed to know not to cross. But they're interns! They haven't learned not to cross the line. We forgive Meredith and Christina for sleeping with their attendings (also a big no-no, remember?) but we're going to slander Izzie for CARING about a patient. Granted, it's more than she should care, but the fact is, she sees something in Denny. What that is, I'm not sure, but the fact is, we forget that Izzie is as damaged and scary as the rest of them. She's got a daughter she gave up for adoption, she comes from total total white trash and is competing against these kids who have no idea what it's like to grow up like that. Then, lest we forget, her hockey player boyfriend (who appeared for all of 5 seconds) dropped her b/c he couldn't handle it. Oh, did I mention that she was stupid enough to fall for Alex for a minute, who treated her like he treats everyone, and that really, at this point, she doesn't have anyone.
So she's feeling alone. Denny doesn't make her feel alone. He needs her. And she needs to be needed. So, when he goes to sign the DNR papers (for his own, very valid reasons), she sees another person leaving her, bailing out. She can't handle that. She chose him over Alex, and then for him to have the audacity to give up the fight in her eyes is unforgivable.

Then, the heart might not come through. And she knows he signed the DNR. Does she freak out more than she should? Maybe.

Someone said something to the effect of "oh, and now she suddenly loves him?" Um, she was knitting him a sweater, fighting tooth and nail to stay on the case, and doing everything she could to keep him alive. Was some of it selfish? Absolutely. Her little "what about me" speech proved that she had no business being his doctor anymore. Besides, sometimes traumatic or dramatic events bring out emotions that normally wouldn't be there. There's that possibility too....

All that being said, I think we make the mistake of wanting these people to be nothing but black and white to us. This situation, if it were happening in real life, which given the way we react to it, makes it seem like it is, has a lot of gray area. We seem to forget that when writers create these characters, they take a lot of stuff that maybe we never see into account, then give us these little details that try to explain the choices they make, and leave it to us to decide.

The other thing is, everyone's freaking out about what's happened, and we haven't even seen the resolution yet. Sometimes, the writers have to paint someone into a corner to give them a chance to redeem themselves. Think about it that way.

With all that off my chest (finally) There's a lot of other crap going on in that show, to say the least. I think Burke getting shot will teach both him and Christina a lesson. He's not going to die, I really believe that.

Meredith and Derek? Yeah, it's definitely the opposite of done.

In a way, you have to feel bad for Addison. But remember, she started it.

Guess What?

I don't care if you're moving back to Pennsylvania.

In fact, I figured you were already gone. Even more, I hoped for it.

I certainly didn't need a text message from you, after a crap day at work, and a depressing day in general, to remind me that you existed.

We Are All Witnesses

I'm not happy about the fact that they lost tonight, or that they played like garbage, but I took this picture of the LeBron James thing downtown last night after we left the Indians game, and I felt like sharing:



It doesn't transfer real well, and I didn't get a great angle, since we were walking the other way, so I kind of had to run up the street and back, but it's still not bad. And honestly, it doesn't do the sheer enormity of it any justice....

So I walked into work this morning, and on my desk was a letter. I'm not sure why, but Tom Cruise left a note on my desk, and asked me to put this out to the world. Why he didn't just use his publicist is beyond me. Granted, I think the note said something about his publicist not letting him speak in public b/c he thinks he's "unstable", but the note scrawled off into some kind of odd hieroglyphics after that. Anyways, here it is:

Planet Earth,

Greetings from the Kingdom of Lord Xenu! I'm sure many of you are wondering why you haven't heard much from Katie or I since the birth of our daughter Suri. Well, frankly, I've been very busy hyping MI 3 overseas, mostly because the studio thinks that the Europeans are more likely to go see it because they don't think I'm nearly as crazy as most of the American moviegoers do. As for Katie, well, I've encouraged her to extend the silent birth thing into a kind of silent motherhood thing. I think it's best for the baby to learn her Scientology teachings from me. Granted, I've heard Katie mumbling a few things about some kid named Dawson, and something about running away to some place called "Toledo", wherever that is. I've just ignored it though, even though our nanny said she thinks that Katie might have signs of postpartum depression. I fired her for that though, b/c 1) That doesn't even exist, there's no such thing as a chemical imbalance, and 2) We don't need that kind of negative energy around the kid.
Now, the real reason that I'm writing this is because of some of the recent speculation that I might not be the best parent because of my "beliefs" (or as I like to call it "my neverending knolwedge of the truth"). I mean really, look at some of the other awful celebrity parents that are out there. Seriously, look at Frances Bean Cobain. Her dad committed suicide, and her mother can't stay off the smack long enough to make a public appearance. I mean really, Courtney Love is a MESS people. And Frances is fine. She doens't even have a important, creative name.
And really, Brad and Angelina? First of all, they're having their baby in f*ing Namibia, away from the watchful eye and positive vibe of the papparazi. How stupid is that? Besides, didn't she drink Billy Bob Thornton's blood when they were married?
And don't even get me started on that Brittney chick. That fatty can't put down the Cheetos and Red Bull long enough to do anything. I mean really? Am I ever going to let my kid fall out of a high chair? Besides, Lord Xenu is totally watching over her, and that would never happen.
Anyways, I need to get back to my press junket now. I have to make sure that the public remembers that I'm the star of this movie. Not that Philip Seymour dude, who can totally act way better than me, but is so not the star that I am. I mean really. I'm Maverick. Plus, I don't think Katie is going back to work anytime soon. She's sitting in the corner of the hotel room right now rocking back and forth, whispering something about getting Prozac, which is so not good for the baby. I don't care if it's already been born.

All Praise Xenu

TomKat

Karma Strikes Back

Or my back, or whatever.

So, after making fun of Paul for breaking his finger after 5 minutes of basketball, and the usual mocking of Sarah for getting punched in the face playing football, karma decided to get it's revenge on me.

Actually it got revenge on my back. Painfully I might add. Now mind you, I've had a bad back pretty much all of my adult life, mostly because I have an extra vertebre, or one grew down lower into my body than it was supposed to. I really don't remember, but when I went to the chiropracter a couple of years ago, and they took X-rays, that's what was determined. I've really done a number on it a coupl eof times. Once in college, once about 2 years ago, and then Saturday.

Apparently, at the age of 27, being in the relatively lousy shape (mind you, I'm not in awful awful shape, but definitely the worst I've been), and playing football at 9 am on a Saturday is a bad combination.
Let's just say that the injury in question involved an interception by me (patting myeslf on the back) a short return, and a spin move (pulling a muscle or something in said back).
Oh, and it's our touch football league. For some reason I decided to pull out a spin move in TOUCH football. The lesson here? I'm retarded.
So, I spent most of yesterday on my back, not moving, and cringing every time I had to get up. Good times

Sorry You Guys

I'm apolgizing for this up front, before y'all scroll down to see this.

We played basketball last night for a little over an hour. About 6 points into the first game, Paul kind of sort of caught a pass the wrong way. It dislocated his pinky finger. Somehow, he didn't even scream or make a big deal about it. He just had his brother take him to the hospital. Fortunately, he was kind enough to send us a picture message of what it looked like at the emergency room, which I will share now.....


















See? I told you. Not good times. Sorry Paul, at least I didn't throw that pass!

Sometimes you Just have to Laugh

Just to prove that I be on my way out and still have a sense of humor about it:




**It's probably a lot funnier to people who work here, but the gist is that my company (which is headquartered in Delaware, was bought by Bank of America, hence many of us losing our jobs now)

Well, That Figures......

So I'm watching the Cavs get beat (nay: blown the hell out) by Detroit last night, and caught myself thinking "well, it's not that big of a deal, we're already locked into our playoff spot".

Then, Lebron went down.

Hopefully it's not that bad. Right now, they're saying ankle sprain. He's saying it's not that bad. Personally, I don't want to even see him on the floor for more than 10 minutes or so between now and Game 1 of the playoffs.

The thing is, I get the feeling that my reaction was pretty typical of any Cleveland sports fans' response to him getting injured.

It was basically me going "Oh Motherf***er!! Are you serious?!" Then, taking a moment and thinking "Well, that figures"

See? That's the thing. I just accepted it, that no matter how well things seem to be going for a Cleveland sports team, the sports gods refuse to allow us to get to the pinacle.

Now don't get me wrong, these Cavs weren't going to win a title this year. No one who's sane thinks that. But this was supposed to be the year that Lebron breaks through, gets us to the playoffs, and the team would have something to build on.

Now? We're a week-plus from the playoffs, Z is just coming back from a sprained ankle, Lebron just sprained his, and Larry Hughes is just starting to get his legs back, and still probably won't be all the way there when the playoffs roll around.

Again, it figures.

The thing is, it's been that way since here since I was born. Just look at the last 25 years. Jordan over Ehlo, The Drive, The Fumble, That Jose Mesa/Tony Fernandez debacle in the 97 series, and hell, everything that's happened to the Browns since 1999.

And yes, I know this stuff has all been covered before. I'm not coming up with some new, cute angle on it. I'm just saying, suffering is apparently the destiny of a Cleveland sports fan.

It's funny, b/c anywhere else you only hear about the fans of certain teams, not entire cities, being tortured. Like those insufferable, antagonizing Red Sox fans before they won their title.
Oh really, Boston fans? Those 3 Superbowls and 16 Celtics titles weren't enough? F. You.

Well, That Figures......

So I'm watching the Cavs get beat (nay: blown the hell out) by Detroit last night, and caught myself thinking "well, it's not that big of a deal, we're already locked into our playoff spot".

Then, Lebron went down.

Hopefully it's not that bad. Right now, they're saying ankle sprain. He's saying it's not that bad. Personally, I don't want to even see him on the floor for more than 10 minutes or so between now and Game 1 of the playoffs.

The thing is, I get the feeling that my reaction was pretty typical of any Cleveland sports fans' response to him getting injured.

It was basically me going "Oh Motherf***er!! Are you serious?!" Then, taking a moment and thinking "Well, that figures"

See? That's the thing. I just accepted it, that no matter how well things seem to be going for a Cleveland sports team, the sports gods refuse to allow us to get to the pinacle.

Now don't get me wrong, these Cavs weren't going to win a title this year. No one who's sane thinks that. But this was supposed to be the year that Lebron breaks through, gets us to the playoffs, and the team would have something to build on.

Now? We're a week-plus from the playoffs, Z is just coming back from a sprained ankle, Lebron just sprained his, and Larry Hughes is just starting to get his legs back, and still probably won't be all the way there when the playoffs roll around.

Again, it figures.

The thing is, it's been that way since here since I was born. Just look at the last 25 years. Jordan over Ehlo, The Drive, The Fumble, That Jose Mesa/Tony Fernandez debacle in the 97 series, and hell, everything that's happened to the Browns since 1999.

And yes, I know this stuff has all been covered before. I'm not coming up with some new, cute angle on it. I'm just saying, suffering is apparently the destiny of a Cleveland sports fan.

It's funny, b/c anywhere else you only hear about the fans of certain teams, not entire cities, being tortured. Like those insufferable, antagonizing Red Sox fans before they won their title.
Oh really, Boston fans? Those 3 Superbowls and 16 Celtics titles weren't enough? F. You.

Nothing Wrong Except......

Apparently, Brittney's kid keeps garnering visits from Child Services......

An excerpt from the story:

Spears' attorney, Martin Singer, said in a statement that the hospital made a report to the Department of Children and Family Services as required by state law.

"DCFS immediately responded and determined there was no problem and no reason to open a formal investigation. They determined that the parents weren't involved in the injury and nothing was improper within the home," he said

Nothing wrong, except for the corn rowed, no talent, chain smoking white boy that claimed to be the father.

Two visits from Child Services before the kid hits the 6 month mark? Nice work, Brit.

Granted, if I was Child Services, I'd have someone sitting outside that house FBI survellience style pretty much all the time. But that's just me.

These guys are starting to make Courtney Love look like a competent parent. Just kidding. She's still completely batshit crazy.